Preface

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        Because of the nudity and sexual content of this site most pages require password

                                                                      " iamofage" ⤸

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     This Journal is more or less a Hodge podge copulation of :

                              "Like a Actor preparing for a script in order to be convincing"

                                          Thoughts, memories and ideas of,

                     my life as a sexually inverted person, and a female-roled zoosexual

                                                and a nude artists model

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       I started posing nude for Art Classes due to my love of                        drawing, and my desire to be around artist

                       and always dreamed of being a artist

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                Once I was posing, it was a great role for me,

                   it made me feel good, I felt I was playing a

               important role for the artists and student artists.

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               And ever since early childhood I loved just being nude, and would spend

                             much time alone in woods walking nude, free from civilization.

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              I checked myself into a Alcohol Rehabilitation Center in 2013

                                                and was there as in patient (2013-2015),

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     During my rehab. a spent a good amount of time researching my sexual dilemmas

                                                          After rehab. until present

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I took on / began; the endeavor/deep dive into confronting the reasoning for my being a

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                                                                         (1975-1996)

                                                        female-roled zoosexual,            

                          (my male partner was Edward, a jack donkey, he passed away 1996)

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                                                                         (1998-2000)

                     submissive female-roled homosexual, transsexual type

                                     (100% female-roled / sexually inverted).

                                          As a sexual slut for many Men

                                                               (2000-2001)

                           female-roled partner for my great dane lover Max🐾

             (unfortunately due to new bestiality laws, Max and I were only lovers for about 8 months)

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      How posing nude for life drawing classes and how posing helped me understand and cope with my gender and sexual identity dilemmas.

     How my love of drawing, it's great meditative value helped me                        successfully beat alcohol addiction.

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     Posing helped with my gender identity disorder, allowed me to express

     my femineity to a certain degree

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Continued to research concerning these topics, correlation between them and trying to         recall events of my life, my feelings at the time, since age 6 years old until present.

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Posing for Art classes was a very good social activity to for me start as well because I was having a very hard time since Edward my donkey partner died in 1996, when I was with him, I did little as far as social type things.

By late 1997, I'd been able to get through the grieving process with Edward's passing to see I needed to quite isolating, move on with life, I started actually having interest in finding a new jack donkey lover.

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Not that I was looking for (human) boyfriend, yet by chance a college student in one of my classes asked me one evening after class if I was homosexual, I told yes I was female-roled 100% bottom and always had been.

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He then quite directly asked if I wanted to perform fellatio on him, I said I would like to, we walked to his car where I able to pleasure him.

Soon I was performing sexually for him by routinely performing fellatio on him as his submissive female-roled sex partner. (he called me his "sissy slut")

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My new boyfriend, would then go onto introducing  me to friends, whom would have me perform sexually for them, they'd introduce me to another, until it wasn't long before I was performing sexually 7 days a week for the most part.

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  -Even being a male that is a Nude Artist's Model is some what taboo-

                                               Celibacy 2000 to present

Because I consider myself primarily a female-roled zoosexual, in that I if were able too,I would have only been the female-roled partner for a jack donkey like my Edward or the femaled-roled partner for a male great dane like my Max, however the bestiality laws of 2001 caused my to become 100% celibate and have been 100% celibate now 22 years.

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                                Other wise I wouldn't be publicly writing this journal

 ζ 

How I've always ⬆ wished to look   

Introducing self as a female-roled zoosexual

           I wanted to make this journal as a study for a testimonial type writing due to;

                     Lack of life Stories, Testimonials from

                                           homosexual transsexuals and zoosexuals

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   After many years of intense research on the the topics of male to female transsexual

   and zoosexuality I have found very little in regard to writings like;

   Jennie June(autobiographer)

   " The Autobiography of an Androgyne, The female-impersonators

   June expressed a lifelong desire to be a woman, June consistently used he/him                   pronouns in reference to himself in his own writing. June wrote of feeling like a               combination of male and female

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 " June published his first autobiography, The Autobiography of an Androgyne in 1918, and his second, The Female-Impersonators in 1922. This makes June one of the earliest instances of someone who is transgender or gender nonconforming in American history to publicize their own story. In June's preface to the book, June explains that he has kept diaries of his life and that his autobiography has been taken from those.

June organized the book into episode-like sections, wherein he discusses incidents in his life as well as his opinions on certain social matters.[39] June's stated goal in writing the book was to rally the support of Americans to create an accepting environment for young adults who do not adhere to gender and sexual norms, because that was what June would have wanted for himself, and he wanted to prevent them from committing suicide.[3] June discusses his desires, which he struggled with because they were so different to what was considered normal.

The memoir describes in detail many personal narratives as well as June's sexual encounters and desires, including the story of his castration, but also contains pleas for understanding and acceptance of "fairies". The Autobiography of an Androgyne also describes how June felt that he lived a double life in the sense that he was an educated, middle-class white male scholar, but also had intense yearnings for performing sexual acts that distressed him " -wikipedia

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 " At eighteen, June became so depressed about being an invert that he sought medical help to make him feel like a "normal male." The two New York medical professors he went to first, venereologist Dr. Prince A. Morrow[5][19] (1846 - 1913) and then alienist Dr. Robert S. Newton[5][19][20] both saw inversion as a defect, and attempted for months to cure him of it by every known method. (Alienist was an early Victorian word for a psychiatrist.) June's treatments included drugs, hypnosis, aphrodisiacs in the hope of making June attracted to women, and electrical stimulation of the brain and spinal cord (electroconvulsive therapy).[21] These treatments had no effect: June remained an invert, depressed, and also a nervous wreck from the drugs.[5] It is understood today that trying to make someone stop being LGBT (called conversion therapy) is not effective, and is even abusive "

                                      June had extreme desire to perform fellatio,

claiming to have partaken in over sixteen hundred sexual encounters in the span of a dozen years.

This I can very much relate to as myself have always had the extreme desire to perform fellatio, and even more extreme desire to be penetrated anally.

In 2000 I was living/performing as a house caged slut at Indigo House for room and board, It was as safe as could be as far as STD's.

 I was getting  gang-banged nearly daily by 20-50 men a day, often 7 days a week, 8-10 hours a day, so I was getting topped anywhere from 600-1500 times a month some months, some months less, so more.

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      Yet every day I wished it was Edward, or Max I was with

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           With Edward and Max I didn't need to worry about STD's,

                          then in 1980's when HIV hit the country

May 7 2022, first time out in woods after what seemed a long,long winter

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Ever since I started posing nude for Life drawing classes, I at same time was making my nude pose videos in woods, etc., thus I have documented myself on video since 1997 until present 2022.

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 Only thing I would of liked to have been different would be,

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         " I wish I'd been wearing "Cage" in all of my videos "

                                 thus never revealed my penis

I know from this date forward I wouldn't make any pose videos without wearing a cage.

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I think wearing the cage greatly reflects/expresses my;

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                "need to be 100% female-roled, female sexually receptive"

                               (shows I am unable to perform like a man)

By this time in my life I was desiring that, I not have a penis, yet have a female like vulva

I've always wanted to express:

               My true desire has always been to be the female-roled sexual partner,

                                     for a jack donkey or large breed male dog"

Discription on Paw-Prints Series:

Do to the fact that the majority of my life I was the female-roled partner for my lover/companion Edward who was a jack(male) donkey for 21 years, (1975-1996) until he passed away due to old age, then in 2000 I became the female-roled partner for Max a male great dane, yet due to a new law which passed in the state in 2001 which I resided in prohibiting me having a male great dane as my partner/lover, I had to become celibate and thus I have been celibate since 1/1/2001.
I believe because I befriended Edward my jack donkey at age 10 and spent as much time as possible with him developed a loving friendship, then when I reached puberty, and knowing I was a feminine transsexual type, and only desired a male partner, and found myself then attracted to Edward not only as a best friend, but as my male lover as well.
Once Edward and I had attempted to have him breed me and found he could successfully breed me just as he did the female donkeys, I seen it as " I was like a surrogate female for him to breed ", thus for 21 years I was his female surrogate, I tried several times to be a normal male, and have a girl-friend, yet I only wanted to be with Edward.

Though I have to respect the law, because I was always the female receptive partner, and very much always felt Edward and then Max always wanted to be my male partner.
Or for example I agree with the following paper " The Unjustified Prohibition against Bestiality: Why the Laws in Opposition Can Find No Support under the Harm Principle " by Michael Roberts

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The Unjustified Prohibition against Bestiality: Why the Laws in Opposition Can Find No Support under the Harm Principle:   papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1328310

                 As Much as I love Art

                 Looking at it / Creating it / Inspired by it:

                     (This lead me to Posing nude for life drawing classes)

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I've always loved to draw

I tried sign painting awhile

I was too focused on being Edward's female-roled lover/companion maybe and couldn't 

stay focused on doing Art ?

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Girly-boys

Put it this way, I was a Girly-boy who wasn't to intersted in the Scarf !

I loved being Edward's girly-boy more

My discription on above video:

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Do to the fact that the majority of my life I was the female-roled partner for my lover/companion Edward who was a jack(male) donkey for 21 years, (1975-1996) until he passed away due to old age, then in 2000 I became the female-roled partner for Max a male great dane, yet due to a new law which passed in the state in 2001 which I resided in prohibiting me having a male great dane as my partner/lover, I had to become celibate and thus I have been celibate since 1/1/2001.
I believe because I befriended Edward my jack donkey at age 10, and spent as much time as possible with him developed a loving friendship, then when I reached puberty, and knowing I was a feminine transsexual type, and only desired a male partner, and found myself then attracted to Edward not only as a best friend, but as my male lover as well.
Once Edward and I had attempted to have him breed me, and found he could successfully breed me just as he did the female donkeys, I seen it as " I was like a surrogate female for him to breed ", thus for 21 years I was his female surrogate, I tried several times to be a normal male, and have a girl-friend, yet I only wanted to be with Edward.

A book everyone should read, or listen to;  " The Art Spirit " by Robert Henri