My sexual identity is similar to that of a "berdache"
I consider myself an effeminate, 100% passive homosexual, femboy
Berdache - Wikipedia
Before the late twentieth-century, non-Native (i.e. non-Native American/Canadian) anthropologists used the term berdache (/bərˈdæʃ/), in a very broad manner, to identify an indigenous individual fulfilling one of many mixed gender roles in their tribe. Most often these anthropologists applied the term to any male whom they perceived to be homosexual, bisexual, or effeminate by Western social standards, though occasionally the term was applied to lesbian, bisexual and gender nonconforming females as well. This led to a wide variety of diverse individuals being categorized under this imprecise term. At times they incorrectly implied that these individuals were intersex (or, "hermaphrodites").
The term berdache has always been repugnant to Indigenous people. De Vries writes, "Berdache is a derogatory term created by Europeans and perpetuated by anthropologists and others to define Native American/First Nations people who varied from Western norms that perceive gender, sex, and sexuality as binaries and inseparable." The term has now fallen out of favor with anthropologists as well. It derives from the French bardache (English equivalent: "bardash") meaning "passive homosexual", "catamite" or even "boy prostitute". Bardache, in turn, derived from the Persian برده barda meaning "captive", "prisoner of war", "slave". Spanish explorers who encountered these individuals among the Chumash people called them "joyas", the Spanish for "jewels".
Use of berdache has now been replaced in most mainstream and anthropological literature by two spirit, with mixed results. However, the term two spirit itself, in English or any other language, was not in use before 1990.
From 1975-1978 I was available for guys 13 years old and older due to Consent Law, however if it would have been 1880's I likely would have been available for all guys 13 or older at anytime.
I seemingly had endless opportunities to perform either fellatio or be penetrated by a brother, cousin or friend of one of the guys that was already using me as their berdache roled male.
(from 1978 to 1998 I was exclusively a female receptive surrogate patner for my male canine and equine partners)
(In 1880, the ages of consent were set at 10 or 12 in most states, with the exception of Delaware where it was 7. The ages of consent were raised across the U.S. during the late 19th century and the early 20th century. By 1920, 26 states had an age of consent at 16, 21 states had an age of consent at 18, and one state (Georgia) had an age of consent at 14.)-Wikipedia
From 1998 until present I was available for guys 18 or older for sex as a female receptive surrogate/berdache type male.
For the sake of Affirmation of my sexual role, the need to be feminized/emasculated psychologically, I have always desired and liked serving many guys at any given times, I have always been available to be gang-banged, double-teamed etc.
Though I wasn't being paid, my role for men was always a prostitutional type role as their "berdache"
A great aspect of such a thing as the "berdache tradition"
Or dynamic of serving many men in the berdache type sexual role is many of the 18 year old black guys who I started serving in 1998 and after, I still serve today on occasion, and each one of them as introduced me to other 18 year olds as the years passed even though we live 100 miles or 1000 miles apart.
For example, just not long ago a guy who was 18 in 1998 that I served who is 43 now just introduced me to a 18 guy who lives about 100 miles away has been driving up and using me sexually on the weekends often now bringing a few other 18 year olds with him.
Or one of the guys I seen originally in 2000, that lives 200 miles away now routinely sets up gang-bangs for me on weekends, often I meet many 18-20 year old guys that way.
Because 90% of all the men that I have served are black there is a more tribal aspect to the culture or context of my role of sexually serving men.
Because all the men I serve know I like being gang-banged, there is a openness about it all as well.
I first became familar with the term "berdache" in the early 1980's after reading Patterns of Culture by Ruth Benedict.
The following excerpts from Walter L. Williams book:
"The spirit and the flesh: sexual diversity in American Indian culture"
Briefly, a berdache can be defined as a
morphological male who does not fill a society's
standard man's role, who has a nonmasculine
This type of person is often stereotyped as
effeminate, but a more accurate characterization is
androgyny. Such a person has a clearly recognized
and accepted social status, often based on a secure
place in the tribal mythology.
Berdaches have special ceremonial roles in many Native American religions, and important economic roles in their families. They will do at least some women's work, and mix together much of the behavior, dress, and social roles of women and men. Berdaches gain social prestige by their spiritual, intellectual, or craftwork/artistic contributions, and by their reputation for hard work and generosity.
They serve a mediating functionbetween women and men, precisely because their character is seen as distinct from either sex. They are not seen as men, yet they are not seen as women either. They occupy an alternative gender role that is a mixture of diverse elements.
In their erotic behavior berdaches also generally
(but not always) take a nonmasculine role, either
being asexual or becoming the passive partner in sex with men.
In some cultures the berdache might
become a wife to a man. This male-male sexual
behavior became the focus of an attack on berdaches as "sodomites" by the Europeans who, early on, came into contact with them.
From the first Spanish conquistadors to the Western frontiersmen and the Christian missionaries and government officials, Western culture has had a considerable impact on the berdache tradition.
In the last two decades, the most recent impact on the tradition is the adaptation of a modern Western gay identity
The spirit and the flesh : sexual diversity in American Indian culture
1. "These statements accord with my own fieldwork. A number of Lakota winktes confided to me that the only sexual role they ever taken is in passive anal intercourse with a man. They have never had sex with a woman "
excerpts from the book:
2. Berdache Promiscuity,
"Boys who later became berdaches often began their sexual experiences before puberty. Feminine-acting boys are sought out for sex by older masculine boys. One androgynous male from a Southwestern reservation remembers that after his seventh birthday older boys expressed their attraction to him and to other boys like himself. He was participating in sex with other males well before puberty, always taking the feminine role. After puberty he would get erections and ejaculate solely from the pleasure of being anally penetrated." (I can ejaculate from being penetrated, yet never would have a erection.)
note: my only sexual role is passive anal intercourse with large breed male dogs and stallion equines until 1998, I started serving men in a Prostitutional type role and always taking the passive/receptive anal intercourse role and performing fellatio.
I personally started performing fellatio on a older boyfriend when I was 7 years old, he was 12 and had reached puberty, thus he would ejaculate in my mouth, and I would swallow his semen.
At age 13, 7th grade I started to be anally penetrated by boys my age, as well as older males, once the the word got out, amongst other guys, I was sought out by many guys in which I was either performing fellatio and or they were penetrating me anally or both.
As long as the guys treated me well, were clean, I would have sex with all the guys who wanted to have sex with me as often as they desired.
"My role has been only the passive anal intercourse role or performing fellatio role"
"I consider myself to be 100% psychologically emasculated and female-roled sexually"
" I love hearing a man moaning with pleasure as he ejaculates for me "
"My satisfaction comes from pleasing males sexually, in my passive/receptive role"
"After puberty he would get erections and ejaculate solely from the pleasure of being anally penetrated." - The spirit and the flesh : sexual diversity in American Indian culture
"Like the excerpt above, men could often make me ejaculate at times when they where penetrating me anally, however I would never have a erection, I would ejaculate limp."
"I never wanted a male partner to ever see me with erection, my role was to be their passive/receptive partner and to please them sexually like I was a female."
I am always limp while being penetrated
" The greatest sexual pleasure I've ever known is having a males penis up inside me as he ejaculates his semen in me."
Ideally for me would be to dress like the image above, thus to show that I am female-roled and prefer being a female-roled sexual partner for heterosexual men.
"my role is always to be the passive/receptive partner for males"
Ideally it would be best for me to be able to dress in a way that shows that I am female-roled, and available to heterosexual men as a female-roled sexual partner.
I very much identify with the “third” gender, called fa’afafine, that is distinct from cisgender men and women as Paul Vasey talks about in the video below.
The above voice excerpt from the you-tube video interview with Dr.Paul Vasey describes the that the fa'afafine are almost exclusively attracted to masculine Str8 men like myself.
Just as the berdache are nearly exclusively attracted to Straight men.
I did and will have sex with masculine homosexual or bisexual men who describe themselves as 100% top men, one reason they were more likely to always penetrated me anally always, they were good at treating me like a feminine homosexual "man handling" me so to speak, dominating me sexually, treating me like their "sissy femboy slut" which I like.
Once I started modeling nude for life drawing classes I started meeting many 18–25-year-old straight males that would have me perform fellatio on them routinely, some would eventually start penetrating me anally, often after persistent begging of them to start using my bottom.
Usually if I could get a straight guy to penetrate me, he'd like it and continue to, however some straight guys would says, "it's just to gay like" and never would try penetrating me.
Yet they loved me to perform fellatio on them, and often would introduce me to straight guy friends who would then take me as their femboy slut, so by the early 2000's I was performing fellatio on 20-30 guys routinely.
I would say that there was seldom a day where I didn't perform fellatio and or get penetrated at least twice a day, on the weekends I often served 6-10 guys both Sat. and Sun.
I think one of the sad things about people not accepting homosexuality in the United States is that there are many men who are married, have kids and are secretly homosexual, or Straight guys who have a wife that doesn't like to perform fellatio on them, or will not swallow their man's semen and/or doesn't like their man to penetrate them anally. (many straight guys who I would see had very large cocks, so I can understand the ladies not being able to take their man anally, yet not the not wanting to perform fellatio and swallow semen)
It was good for me, because that is why many guys were using me for sex, they knew I loved performing fellatio, and I can take the largest man cocks anally, I actually prefer big cock in my bottom.
My preferred male sexual partners are a large breed intact male dogs, small stallion ponies and small jack donkeys, I was being penetrated anally by human males when I was 13 years old, yet only for about 3 months, once my jack donkey Edward and my great dane Cosso started penetrating me anally (breeding me), in the fall of 1975 I would not have sex with a human male again until 1998.
Once I started having sex with men in 1998 my "role" was very much a Prostitutional type role, as it had been for a short while in 1975, though I wasn't getting paid, I was available to many men for sexual pleasure.
They simply called me, if they wanted me to perform fellatio on them and/or use my bottom to penetrate me.
I would say my ideal partner is a jack donkey of the size portrayed in video above
My Edward's erect penis was about 18" long, thus I had to be able to accomodate him up inside my bottom.