Berdache's Companion

               - dildo -

After years, and trying so many different dildos,spending hundreds of dollars ,much of it wasted on useless junk, I finally decided to  craft my own.Using Ecoflex / skin safe two-part silicone,it is as good as any on the market today,is my guess

I tried the berdache companion out this weekend, it might be "perfect",safe 6 1/2 inch penetration,

                                      the hanging balls slapped against me very nice   - 4/26/2020

The orginal " berdache companion" (above right). I carved from wood years ago ,mounted to wall as coat hanger, on left casting a  version yet bit longer 9", bigger mushroomed cock head.

My friend here is a beautiful 8" , I had hard time deep-throating him, but loved trying. Perfect for my bottom though.

The New

        " berdache douche dildo "

I made is dildo about 2 months ago, been using it nightly since to douche my bottom, it's made of same type of silicone as the "Berdache's Companion ", I can comfortable take all of it inside me, yet usually been pushing it til the bulb part (10")is in  then slide it in and out. Something new as well , I been using grape seed oil for lube which is working well. I think the  it has made it easier to get my bottom clean.

Getting anally penetrated has been the most important , necessary way for myself to to function as a female-roled male (berdache,fem-male), thus for most of my life since puberty I've had to routinely use dildos to get the sexual relief I needed by mimicking a real man. Then when I finally started performing for men sexually daily started using dildos in the effort to keep my " bottom " ready (clean) so men could penetrate me on a daily basis.

 So after over 20 years of daily using a dildo on myself for cleaning as well as occasionally for masturbation. 

Though I've been Celibate for last 14 years the want, need/want to be men's  berdache(adult catamite) and perform sexually for them is as strong as ever.

 For myself there is no way to change from being a " Female-roled male " sexually, to being a straight male , due to fact that my only desire is to " sexually act like a girl for men ".

I very much tried to from 14 years of age until 36 years of age to be a "normal" man, yet for whatever reason , I only desire to be like a female is sexually.

  Thus the berdache role is only type role fitting for me.

Catamite -wikipedia

n its modern usage, the term catamite refers to a boy as the passive or receiving partner in anal intercourse with a man.

IFrom 5" to 12" , I've had most likely every size penis up in my bottom men have to offer.

 The "Act " it's self, being in my role, being able to take a man's semen up inside me is most important element,thus (being emasculated/feminized).

 Yet I found that men with big cocks liked using me for anal sex,because I was able to accommodate their penis all the way up in me and if all was right (I felt it safe) I would take their ejaculation up inside me, which for me is the " Ultimate Emasculation", nothing is greater for me then hearing a man tell me as he is boning me ; " Michael I'm going to cum,then know he is pumping his sperm into me".

Though I'd perform for men 18 to 70 years old, a good many were straight single guys in early 20's well hung, wanting to try anal sex.

  It helped that I would tell them that I needed a man to help me feel like a girl,

I soon found the younger guys often might have a friend whom he could bring with, thus I could get double teamed, which was great way to meet new men for me to perform for.

Thus for me,being clean,looking feminine is very important, as I want a man to enjoy boning me, and hopefully then will routinely  see me for sexual pleasure.

This sketch I did years ago sums up, my role.

For experince I found most guys wanted me to have the ability to swallow their entire cock (deep-throat), so I practiced routinely with dildos, so I could perform well for them.

 Most guys liked it alot that they could cum in my mouth and watch me swallow it all, which I very much love.

I'd love to be doing what she is doing and all day long with as many men as possible, I love when I hear a guy moaning knowing he is ready to ejaculate , then see as squirts cum in my mouth for me to swallow. Love the moaning the guy is doing !

One of biggest turn on's for me is having a guy vocally project his pleasure, makes me feel good knowing I did a good job pleasing him.

I've never been gang-banged, in the fashion, say as shown above, where all the guys took turns penetrating me anally, and ejaculating in my bottom yet always wished I could be. I'd go to a gathering where there might be 6 guys there, and who ever wanted to have sex with me , would take me to a room, and privately have me suck his cock, or have me get on my knees and he'd butt fuck me, yet they all wore condoms , if possible we try to get his condom off quick enough so he could cum in my mouth.

Even when I'd get double teamed, one guy would ejaculate in my mouth, one would in my bottom.

I believe for myself the following article my be true,

       " Is Semen The New All-Natural Antidepressant For Women? "

                        I know after a guy ejaculates in me I feel wonderful !                   

        I always figured it was due to fact that psychologically he was making me feel            feminine. Yet seems there may be a biological aspect to taking semen into my body.

    I know I love feeling so lady-like, so emasculated, the feeling only taking semen in        me can give me, I know many a saturday mornings I'd give a boyfriend a blow-job          before he went to work, within a hour I'd be calling guys I routinely seen telling them 

  I needed feminized and wanted them to either bone me and cum in my bottom, or at least cum in my mouth.So if I was luckly I could spend most rest of day driving around seeing guys and performing fellatio or getting boned by he guys.

As a Female-roled male, having the ability to be cleanly and comfortably has been the most important ,center focus of my sexual being. In my eyes ,I can't perform for a man properly if I can't  offer him my bottom, and know that I'm clean. By far after using this dildo nearly every day for last month,taking all 14-15 inches and using grape seed oil as lube, no other method I have ever tried using comes close to how effective this is for getting clean

I have been practicing deep-throating this new dildo as well, and can now swallow it to bulb (10 inch) easily, been rubbing so grape oil on it then slide it down my throat, also best tasting oil which I've ever encountered.

I love what this friend is doing for me