Contrasting Difference of Roles

" At least for myself , at some point I had to accept the fact that I could only be " Female Roled "

One thing I can say, I have experince what it is like to have experinced having first been in the Female sexual role first "fully sexually inverted" to attempting to be in Male sexual role with females,  being in male role causes such stress  and  inter-conflict in my mind, thus became impossible to even want to try, Toxic.                               How can one be a man if feel  " as a girl ".

I do know because I was lost my virginity with males, treating me like a girl, having me perform fellatio on themselve's, and then penetrating me anally and ejaculating up inside of me, and very much, it feeling so right.

  Then at 18 years old having sex with a female where I penetrated her, and it didn't feel right.

          I just knew by intuition the only role for me was being;

                               like a girl for men

 

                the contrast was;

      extremely clear, my role was to be female roled

Sexual Inversion

                                        " Sexual inversion was a nineteenth-century theory of homosexuality best described by the pioneering sexologist Karl Heinrich Ulrichs (1825–1895) as anima muliebris virili corpore incluse, or, a woman's soul confined within a man's body. In the nineteenth century, sexual inversion, homosexuality, and antipathic sexuality were interchangeable terms. The "inversion" in sexual inversion referred to the inverted, or upside-down, quality of a body that did not reflect the "true" essence of its possessor. The truth of the invert was inside rather than on the surface; thus a male invert was "really" a woman, and should be allowed to express a female gender, and a female invert was "really" a man, and should be allowed to dress and live as one. Inversion also referred to the ways in which such bodies inverted the laws of nature, which supposedly decreed that male bodies should desire female sexual partners instead of male ones, and vice versa. The theory of sexual inversion maintained conventional categories of sexuality and gender and did not allow one to be divided from the other. Inversion meant that a man's homosexual desires, effeminacy, or both did not challenge masculine gender or heterosexual sexual norms; rather, a perfectly normal heterosexual woman with a feminine gender was trapped inside him, yearning to come out. "

I truly feel that psychologically, I am a heterosexual female with female desires, to extremes of truly desiring to have a man make me pregnant, have always desired to breast-feed, very much love to dress sexy for a man and clearly love to pleasure a man sexually,and love have him tell me that I am female at heart or that I should be truly female.

I've told many men, " I wish you could get me pregnant "

 "Just taking the semen of a man's up inside me, is so good for me emotionally, a sense of complete emotional joy and fulfilment,,so difficult to explain, simply just Right.

I've tried to feel like a male, just ain't right

Although I and many other sexual inverted female roled male transgender people understand it would be fine technically, yet not advised, not fair to the girls,unless they already knew me well and approved it -  because we are not sexually attracted to them. However when the Bathroom bill set forth by President Obama was made a law that Transgender Male to Female people could use female's bath rooms, I knew he must not understand much about;                                 Autogynephilia,                                                       Dr. Blanchard coinedterm “autogynephilia” in 1989 to describe the- non-homosexual -                                                transsexuals  

    I believe simply uni-sex ,individual bathrooms was the one and only solution

To be transsexual, two conditions must apply: you must be same-sex oriented from childhood — that is, homosexual with regard to birth sex; and cross-sex identified. These parameters must be exclusive. You can’t be a bisexual transsexual — but you can certainly be a pseudo-bisexual transvestite. That in itself is not a problem, but when the latter claim the identity of real transsexuals, the ones they harm are those transsexuals.                                                                                                         - Rod Fleming

If I were to word what Rod stated above (Male to Female) , I'd say the conditions would be fully sexually inverted at early age, thus life long sexual attraction males and most likely only attracted to normal heterosexual males, and to be in only role of female for the male.  For myself , I only want to mate with heterosexual men in female role, this is the driving force for wanting to be fully emasculated physically, thus have surgery to have my penis replaced with a female like " Vulva ", so if nothing else, he sees I am fully emasculated / femininized sexually.

Ideally, this is how I've always wanted to look , yet by far not having a penis is my greatest hope.

I never have desired to pass as a female , I have always wished to convey that I am a fully emasculated female roled male, for me having a female like vulva

 Being a sex object for men

I like this interview from a female perspective especially being objectified sexually.Yet at same time I wanted men's attention to treat me like a female,copulate,breed me, I was at same time objectifying the men for that purpose.

          "I agree with her that  culture  plays a big part in how we become".

I know , for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be like one of the girls in playboy, thus in that regard,fantasy type realm, I have always dreamed of being a girl.From a realistic,rational way, I know the best I can hope for is having a man treat me like a girl.

Why I think I relate to " Third-gender " types ,

   such as Berdache, Muxe ,and Fa'afafine

1. I have never felt, that I identify as female,sure I have felt I should of likely been born as "female", due to fact I love feeling feminine,sexually I only desire to be in female role, and from my research the third-gender types don't consider themselve's female, only female roled in most cases.

2. As far as dressing more female like, one I like the comfort of wearing skirts, yet I don't like comfort of wearing padded bra, it helps me look and feel feminine, which is a very important part of my sexual orientation role / identity.

3. I have never desired to pass as a female,the idea of looking / being female is not a erotic thing,I only desire to express my sexual orientation as " fully female roled ".

4. I also realize that because I am only attracted to masculine men, men whom are heterosexual ,this being the case, I also realize the reality of ; " these men are going to see me for sexual pleasure", thus objectify me sexually, yet on same token I am objectifying them as well, as I need their services of their " Penis "

5. I also know my role in the past was very similar to a " prostitutional " type role, only difference I wasn't getting paid, and I was very selective as to whom and how I would perform sexually for.

6. My desire to have a female like " Vulva ", and not have a penis, has been mainly for identity reasons, and to express that I am fully emasculated as a female-roled male, and to a certain extent as a female being ,constantly in " Heat " and ready to be " bred ",be copulated with by a males. I have no problem with having as many men as possible, either penetrate me to ejaculate or ejaculate in my mouth daily, as long as they suit my liking,content/context is right.

My objective when with a man, is to make him ejaculate, it really isn't important if I ejaculate, I prefer to take a man's penis in me anally,and have him ejaculate up in me, yet whether I just give him a hand- job,blow-job, or get to take him in my bottom doesn't matter, main thing is seeing that he ejaculates, in turn he is making me feel feminine.

Thus if I don't ejaculate, my sex drive isn't hindered, thus I can just keep performing sexually til sore, or just tired out.

 Which was very much objective, if I needed to perform for a number of men that day,or instance (double teamed.party -fucked)

It is a hassle keeping my " bottom " clean and ready for penetration

 - Differences -

Being a female-roled"Slut"

MALE AND FEMALE SLUTS Shifts and Stabilities in the Regulation of Sexual Relations Among Young Heterosexual Men
by Michael Flood

"Among young women, receiving a negative sexual reputation can have a heavy price. Young women seen as ‘sluts’ face verbal harassment, the loss of friendships and
associations with other women, poor treatment by boys (e.g. boasting and joking about sex with her, and greater vulnerability to sexual harassment by boys who think that they can ‘try anything with her because you are going to get it’), feelings of dirtiness and general alienation
(Hillier, Lyn, and Deborah 1998, 26; Kitzinger 1995, 191).

At 48:16 of video above, a young lady asks about whom and type of sexual relationships the Fa'afafine have.

Sounds likes they have sex with multiple partners and often.

A lot like I was from 1998-2005

A big reason I identify well with Jennie June (autobiographer)

Jennie June was born into a Puritan family[1] in 1874 in Connecticut as Earl Lind. As a child, Lind asked others to call her by Jennie instead of Earl, and she spent much more time with girls than with boys. She became very shy and introverted when her parents sent her off to an all boys school and also became very depressed, considering suicide. Lind realized at a young age that she was an androgyne looking to change from male to female.[3] At the time, the term "transgender" was not used; instead words such as "androgyne", "invert", and "fairie" were used. She struggled throughout her life up to her late twenties with her extreme desire to perform fellatio, claiming to have partaken in over sixteen hundred sexual encounters in the span of a dozen years.

       "I know personally I loved being a "Slut" for the men, yet too many "cons" (dangers,moral issues etc.)

  " And it wasn't about romance, my boy-friends were seeing me so I'd suck their cocks,and/or butt fuck me "

    Believe me they were literally providing their cocks to me for free, so I often wondered who was the slut.

        Yet in the back of my mind , I was always wanting to meet a Man whom would take me as his full-               time sexual partner so as I didn't have to have to be seeking, thus dealing with all the risks that entails.

  A contrast between being male gendered verse female gendered

      I am sexually submissive,I don't feel right about using my penis to penetrate.

            I love that being with men,, they are taking that role, I  like they can ask/tell me to               "Perform" for them, I love that a man tells me to suck his cock, or get my pants                     down and bend over, so he can fuck me.

        With a female I can't be in the above role, and I have no desire to penetrate a female

             I simply have no desire to perform sexually in the male penetrative role, I don't                    even want anyone to see me with a "erection ". I only wish to convey that I can                      "only" perform sexually like a female,and it only way I feel good about performing.

Not only do I not gender identify as sexually male, nore do I not identify as typical "gay", as a passage from a Fa'afafine states;   "  none of the fa'afafine use the term "gay" to describe themselves. "Gays" as one fa'afafine told the first author "sleep with each other, but fa'afafine don't do that." Indeed, fa'afafine express disgust at the thought of engaging in sexual activity with another fa'afafine and stress that they do not do so. Instead, they point out, in contrast to "gays," they have sex with "straight men." (Evolving research on the evolution of male androphilia./thefreelibrary.com)

Since first learning of the traits of the  berdache , fa'afafine, and muxe,I very much identify as third-gender type, I have always felt like I was like a substitute for a female, straight men could have sex with me as often as they needed,even to it was my duty / role to sexual pleasure the men of the tribe.

 

 

Here is a person, whom desired to be some identity he wasn't ;

                 Grey Owl / wikipedia

       female-roled males

                like myself

     (Fem-males fairies,100% bottoms)

           "Are a Dime a Dozen "

 I personally found this true, especially from the time spent in internet gay chat rooms, there is alot of competition seeking / finding a true 100% top man.

Excerpts from above site;

The Struggle Is Real

Sorry to all the “TOP ONLY”s out there, but you will never know the struggles that come from bottoming. Here are 18 reasons it’s a hell of a lot tougher to be a bottom than a top.

Studies show that %.01 of gay men are tops

Okay, this is a blatant lie, but doesn’t it seem like that? Bottoms are a dime a dozen. They’re everywhere. And every time you meet a cute guy and think he’s a top, of course, he too, is a bottom. You can’t win. Demand is high. Supply is scarce.

Those tops that never finish

Sex is great. Sex is amazing. Prostate stimulation is a generous gift that the gay gods have graciously bestowed to us. However, getting pounded for two hours is absolutely exhausting. There’s something called diminishing marginal returns. The amount of pleasure you get from sex after an extended period goes down. It also can start to hurt.

Not knowing when you can eat

Things I never do: go on a date to a Thai or Indian restaurant. There’s nothing worse than feeling bloated and gassy after a meal and having to reject the hot guy who wants to bone you.

Higher risk of HIV

Bottoming puts you at a higher risk of acquiring HIV than tops. Luckily, there’s PrEP. A great piece in The Advocate illustrates how PrEP is empowering bottoms.

Cleanliness

Cleanliness is not something that tops need to worry about. They can stick that package of theirs into any mailbox, without worrying that they, themselves, might be dirty. Bottoms, on the other hand, have to worry about cleanliness, which definitely takes you out of the moment. We also have to prepare and clean extensively. (Tops don’t have to douche their peehole…)

Bottoms are slut shamed more often

Regarding their sexual conduct, feminine bottoms are often held to the same double standard that straight women are. Bottoms get shamed for being slutty or having a loose butthole (FYI, that’s not how anatomy works…). Masculine tops, on the other hand, are treated like straight men, and because of this, aren’t shamed the same way for casually sleeping around with many guys.

 

Needing to poop RIGHT after you clean

You douched yourself up or did whatever your cleaning routine is, only to have to poop an hour later. Possibly, the most frustrating thing in the world. 

When I did find a Str8 black top man
             I very much wanted to keep him pleasured,so he wouldn't look else where.

                       That mean't being available for him at all times as best possible

    Thus keeping my "bottom" clean and ready to get " boned " was a central focus of my           sexuality, I hated telling a man he couldn't bone me because I didn't feel clean and ready

A reason,along with other reasons I wish I had a "true vagina " and not a penis,so a man could bone me in both ways.

I've told many men over the years, " I wish I had a vagina ", plus I've always wanted double penetrated.

 

Extreme mood changes of male sexual refractory period

For myself there was a huge difference in my post-0rgasm refractory period when trying to be in male sexual role with a female verse being in the female sexual role for a man.

Very much like night and day difference;

With a female, and trying to perform like a male should, I would feel great cognitive dissonance, sad,guilt, total loss of interest, even at times saying I can't do this again. It was always that way since my time with a female at age 18.
  Then I started feeling I was cheating a lady,because of my inability to be truly a man ,as my desire  to have a man do to me, what I was doing to her !

 The guilt of living a " Lie ", and being with a female, her thinking I was a true male-roled sexual person, cheating her from being with a real man.

When I orgasm in my female role, I will lose interest only for very short period, a hour at most, then I am ready to perform again, I have no negative emotions, all seems very right,that being in the female role is the way I should be I feel very good about it.

Funny thing is, all the mental health professionals I talked to, not one asked me about what my refractory period was like in the two roles;
 the Contrast between my female role verse my male role.

What it boils down to  ;   "Is why would I try to continue to perform in the male role when it seems so wrong, verse the female role   which seems so right ?

 Excerpt from above site;

This is technically known as the refractory phase. For a period of time anywhere from half an hour, in some cases up to 24 hours, men are simply incapable of becoming sexually aroused or achieving an erection. While women typically are capable of recovering their sexual interest more quickly, they also experience a change in hormones that alter their perceptions immediately after orgasm.  ( I am sure males have hormone change as well-me )

Like a female, I am ready to be penetrated very soon after ejaculating.

I also ejaculate without a erection, and my orgasms are much more intense when a man is "boning" me . 

Post-coital tristesse and Sexual Refractory ;

    "is the feeling of sadnessanxiety, agitation or aggression after sexual intercourse, mostly in males. Its name comes from New Latin postcoitalis and French tristesse, literally "sadness". Many people with PCT may exhibit strong feelings of anxiety lasting from five minutes to two hours after coitus.[1]  " - wikipedia

              The Post-coital tristesse - sadness,regret mostly went away

Once I started having sex with men in my female-role, in turn the men helping me feel feminine and thus psychologically emasculating as well as affirming to me that I could be sexy for them, please them sexually.

Because I only desire to perform like a female sexually for a man, my dream has always been to take his penis inside me similar to how a female can.

 As well as I like how I look much better with a vagina/vulva.

  Simply I've just always felt, I should perform like a female sexually, and knowing both, I very much know that performing in the female role for a man is what is right for me.

I think due to fact that I started having sex at a early age , and in the female role, and it feel so good and right, thus knowing how a male can make me feel so feminine and sexually so good, and as well being with females, which can't make me feel " right ".

Only a man can make me have orgasms and feel feminine as the females in the video above portray.