Dream of modeling as a ;
male to female transsexual
(After surgery to get breasts and a female like vulva)
Because I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel like;
" I should be female "
Once I started posing nude for life drawing classes,
I soon was dreaming how great it would be to actually get the GRS surgery, and show that I not just a " wanta be transsexual ".
"life drawing is about seeing/drawing the model reality, as the model is"
Having a penis has always " just not looked right on me ", I always very much felt I should have a vagina, in my eyes the videos below show how I should look, in part because sexually I only wish to be female.
One thing about wearing a Cage I found, it helped alleviate the desire for GRS surgery, as it least displays that ; " I'm incapable of functioning like a man sexually ".
Because I wasn't able to get the sex change surgery (have my penis replaced with a female like vulva)
I soon always wore a chastity cage when I performed sexually for men, in order to show them that I am 100% psychologically emasculated and I only perform like a female sexually.
Wearing the cage also kept my penis concealed, for myself I never wanted men to see my penis, or see me with a erection, I only wanted them to use my mouth or my bottom for their sexual pleasure.
Psychologically wearing the cage greatly helps me feel emasculated, yet also very submissive but most importantly, it express my inability to perform like a Real Man.
Because I've always preferred to be a female-receptive partner for, and be bred by large breed intact male dogs, jack donkeys and stallion ponies I've always wished to be able to
express my true self in that regard. Posing nude for Artists as always been a good outlet
for me to express and affirm my " Identity ".
I always thought of myself psycho-sexually female
By 1999 I was posing nude for 5 different college life drawing classes weekly during fall semester classes, 9 months a year for Museum of Art classes.
For me it was wonderful, due to my need for Affirmation of be Feminine, having a safe place to be myself, being accepted as "different" (being a "homosexual transsexual" psychologically).
"Especially being accepted by females, has always been very important for me"
If a surgeon told me he could perform a surgery on me where I could retain my testes, yet have a female looking vulva similar to below, I would be rushing to have the surgery done.