Gender Dysphoria

 “gender dysphoria,” which refers to psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity.

    For myself the term -Cognitive dissonance -  best describes for how I feel about being biologically male, yet psychologically always having felt I should be a female, clearly always feeling my sexual role should be female receptive .

                        -Cognitive dissonance vs. incongruity-


"" I would say that the main difference between the two is that the ideal self in incongruity is determined by those around you, and the ideal self in cognitive dissonance is determined by you. Because according to Roger, incongruence arises when the love and respect you receive is conditional on you meeting the expectations of others." - forums.studentdoctor.net

                                   Gender Dysphoria

     " A constant feeling of being broken or incomplete "

                           " Life Long,never goes away "

                                                  When I hear this song by K.D Lang it relates


Since my earliest memories I've felt something went wrong because I was             born with a penis and I should of be born with a vagina

Since puberty I've wanted a male to take me as his female sexual partner,

              I only desire to perform for a male in the female role.

Since age 13 (may of 1975) I started a sexual relationship with a male donkey perform only oral sex for him then by august of 1975  I started performing for him 100% in the female role, as the he started penetrating me anally and breeding me (ejaculating up inside) and I remained his female-roled partner until 1996.

   Gender Dysphoria for myself is likely a bit different then most other male to female transsexual type people.

   However in 1975 I had a ever brief sexual relationship with two males whom took me "Femboy" introduced me to performing sexually using my bottom for breeding, thus they were impregnating me with their semen prior to Edward my donkey lover, however the relationship with the two males only lasted a little over a month.

However I soon was able to perform fully in the female role for Edward, as after the ending of the relationship with the two males, Edward and I tried for the first time to get his penis up inside my bottom so he could impregnate me with his sperm.

  We were successfully at getting his penis completely inside me, and taking his semen/sperm. (Edward's penis was 20 inches long)

R03d759c37e164ba4b9ed4c3eac01a66b - Copy - Copy.jpg

I've always wished to be female , felt I should be female and since Edward and I were partnered successfully, he was my Man and I was his Girl.

He performed his role so wonderfully and intensely as a male sexually for me, made me feel so feminine , so much better I felt being with Edward compared to the two human males, I was very content with Edward.

By 1980 societies ideology was becoming clear to me, in that you compile to it or live a secret life, I was dreaming of finding a nice place for Edward to live, then by chance a female invited me to try being with her sexually.

  I soon realized I could not successfully be a female's male partner....

              " I needed to be a female partner for a male "

                                         Thus, I chose the path of a " Secret Life "

                        I'd always really, really not liked having a penis

                         Yet never knew a person could have such a surgery

                             Then in 1981 James Bond film For Your Eyes Only


                             came out, with Caroline Cossey a MtoF transsexual


                             person,the moment I seen her, I knew here is someone 

                             similar to me.


Yet it wouldn't be practical unless they could surgically create a vagina for me

that could accommodate Edward's large penis, I'd still have accommodate him

in my bottom and I had already been accommodating him for the last 7 years on a daily basis, he and I were very satisfied and by now it was second nature to

him as to how we did it,,the process

Sure if I had talked to a surgeon who told me that they could create a vagina that would accommodate a 20 inch donkey's penis that flares as he ejaculates.

And I could of afforded it, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Thus it never seemed practical after thinking about it then.

  How ever Today (2021), and say I was 30 years old and living with Edward...in same context as he and I had,..and with the advancement in surgical procedures, I very much would be seeking out a surgeon whom could create a female like vagina which could accommodate Edward's penis.

  As  by having the surgery I get my penis removed, a female looking vulva, and a vaginal canal especially suited for Edward's penis.

                                         I must say I'd love that !


me with vulva1.jpg

This is how I have always felt I should look, as having a penis does not at all fit my sexual role.

Accepting myself as a; "


Female-roled male " (transsexual type)


only desiring to be the female partner for                            male donkey

I don't recall ever feeling shame for feeling female or for choosing a male donkey to be my sexual partner, both seemed very natural to me, and I knew no different, as I've always loved feeling like a female, and always loved being a female mate for my donkey boyfriend Edward.

This grief,shame was based on " not being accepted by society ", thus the need to live a secret life.

"The American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association have suggested for many years now that there is significant empirical evidence supporting the claim that homosexuality is a normal variant of human sexual orientation as opposed to a mental disorder."

"In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) asked all members attending its convention to vote on whether they believed homosexuality to be a mental disorder. 5,854 psychiatrists voted to remove homosexuality from the DSM, and 3,810 to retain it."

And living with a male donkey as a companion and being his female sexual partner is a crime and mental disorder to date. ( from what I see in society, I ain't anymore mentally dis-ordered then the average person)


And though this is my reason for being celibate for last 16 years, it doesn't change the fact that I am a Female-roled male and only desire to have a male donkey as my " Mate "....in same context as marriage

   -Professional views upon zoosexuality as a sexual orientation-

Zoosexuality (zoophilia) is classed as a mental disorder by psychiatrists in DSM-IV. Donofrio[5] (doctoral dissertation, 1996), investigating zoophilia, reported that his findings supported the American Psychiatric Association's view in their diagnostic manual DSM-IV that zoophilia was not by itself a "clinically significant problem" by which is meant relatively uncommon in incidence. Studying the matter further, he also concluded that the concept and recognition of a sexual orientation towards animals (as opposed to simple classification as paraphilia) was supported by his study.

    " zoosexuality implies a sexual orientation toward animals... And Donofrio (1996) reports that the concept of zoophilia, being a sexual orientation, was supported by his doctoral study. He therefore, suggests using a scale resembling Kinsey's sexual orientation scale, which was also offered by Blake (1971). Donofrio's model suggests that those who have no interest whatsoever in sexual contact with animals would appear at the Zero point of the scale. Those individuals whose sole sexual outlet and attraction are animals, would be assigned the Six position. Along that continuum, between these two extremes, would be individuals who include animal sexual contact in their fantasy, or have had incidental experiences with animals, have had more than incidental contact with animals, place their sexual activity with animals equal to that involving humans, prefer animal contact but engage in more than incidental contact with humans, and those who engage primarily in contact with animals with only incidental human sexual contact. I therefore conceptualized my basic research question to be: 'Is there a sexual orientation toward nonhuman animals?'                                                                                                                                          - Zoosexuality/ psychology.wikia.org


   Gender dysphoria refers to the emotional and mental distress that comes from feeling that your physical body does not reflect your true gender. "Dysphoria" means feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and depression. In gender dysphoria, the discomfort an individual feels with their male or female body can be so intense that it can interfere with the way they function in everyday life, for instance at school or work or during social activities. Gender dysphoria used to be referred to as “gender identity disorder.” But the clinical name has been changed in the DSM5, as it has been recognised that the dysphoria, or feelings of stress, anxiety and depression, are the clinical problem, and not the mismatch between an individual’s physical body and their internal sense of gender. Gender dysmorphia manifests differently in various age groups, and so there are different symptoms for children than there are for adolescents and adults. Younger children may be less likely to express extreme and persistent anatomical dysphoria, especially in environments where the child’s desire to live in the role of another gender is supported. In adolescents and adults, strong emotional distress may manifest as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and impact on the individuals academic or profession life. However, in a supportive environment where the individual has the option of treatments such as gender reassignment, the distress may be reduced.


Common symptoms in children:

1. The child expresses a strong desire to be of a different gender, or insists that they are of another gender.

2. A strong preference for clothing stereotypically meant for the opposite gender.

3. A strong preference for cross-gender roles in make-believe play.

4. A strong preference for toys, games or activities that are stereotypically associated with the opposite gender.

5. A strong preference for friends or playmates of the opposite gender.

6. In boys, a rejection of stereotypically masculine toys, games and activities, and an avoidance of rough physical games or sport.

7. In girls, a rejection of stereotypically feminine toys, games and activities.

8. The child expresses a strong dislike for their sexual anatomy and the physical characteristics of their assigned gender

Common symptoms in adolescents and adults:

1. The individual feels that their assigned physical gender does not match their internal sense of gender, for example an individual who was born male may identify as female.

2. The individual has a strong desire to be of a different gender.

3. The individual has a strong desire to be rid of (or in the case of young adolescents, prevent the development of) the physical sex characteristics of their assigned gender. For example a woman may choose to bind her breasts because she identifies as male.

4. The individual has a strong desire for the physical sex characteristics of a different gender.

5. The individual has a strong desire to be treated as a different gender by others.

6. The individual strongly believes that they experience the typical emotions, feelings or reactions of the other gender.

7. The dysmorphia associated with the condition causes significant impairment for the individual in one or more important areas of functioning in their life.


For myself the the strongest urges have always been ;

1. Need to feel " Female like "

2. Need to perform sexually as a Female

3 Need to get pregnant


For myself , my lover Edward (a donkey)  was the most " Male being " imageable and embodied by far the ultimate in " Maleness ", his ability to make me feel " so female like sexually ", for me was breath taking, thus like any couple he and I formed a strong loving emotionally bond.

I met Edward when 10 years old, and soon we were friends, thus by 13 years old, myself desiring to be female like sexually, and I found I was very sexually attracted to his " Maleness ", by luck he was interested in me as well sexually, thus took me as his female to breed (I always seen myself as his surrogate jenny donkey to mate with).

-Living in a Fantasy and Reality at same time-

   I believe this a huge aspect of GENDER DYSPHORIA which no-one writes about

    At least for myself , the dilemma of being a transsexual and zoosexual is like a " double act ", as I full well know I can never be truly a female and I have to act like I can truly get pregnant for Edward, and though a fantasy , I want to get pregnant and him to make me pregnant, yet I clearly know I can't ever get pregnant, let alone by a donkey.

 " Thus I  have always had to pretend to be female for Edward, pretend he was truly breeding me"

My Role3.jpg

With Edward and I as partners for 21 years I could live in a private world free from human expectations, then after he passed away in 1996, ...in 1998 I re-enter the human world and started having men breed me, which I enjoyed, and many of the men could make me feel female like, yet not any thing like the way Edward could make me feel when he was breeding me .



Me getting bred by a man

 - Me getting bred by a Man -verse- getting bred by a Donkey 

Both have the ability to give me Affirmation by valuing me for my female sexual role, appreciating my performance as female  .

                       If the following is the correct terminology


The ideal self in incongruity is determined by those around you,


 The ideal self in cognitive dissonance is determined by you.


  Because according to Roger, incongruence arises when the love and respect you receive is conditional on you meeting the expectations of others."


            The big difference when I was with

                  Edward -verse- a Man was;

                                   -incongruity- was all but eliminated.


    With humans the anti-trans social ideology is so deeply embedded in our culture, it most likely will never be understood and excepted by most people.

    So for heterosexual man to take me as his female roled ,

    " live-with" partner is understandable difficult at best.


      Edward didn't care if I had a penis, or looked like a man,

         I didn't have to explain to them that I was transsexual


             Once Edward actually started "covering " me


         They both gave me the feeling, sense of security that I was theirs's

        That I belonged to them as their " female sexual mate/partner 

                   I've never experienced this feeling with a man

excerpts from ; "  " How to receive sex from male horses "

  "On the other hand, as long as you have control and his full co-operation there is no better body guard.  A full sized stallion is completely capable of taking on any predator on the planet and will do so to protect his mares.

    If you teach him that he can "bring you into heat" by being affectionate and courting you, he will use his talents to seduce you.."


"Throughout that forty years your horse will expect to spend time with you every single day.  Being separated from the herd is frequently a fatal experience for horses so they don't like it for themselves or for any member of their family.  You will be obligated to greet them first thing every morning, immediately upon arriving from work or any other absence, and last thing every evening."                                                            

Horses have "PC blues" just like humans but don't expect them to last near as long.  Nor should you assume that just because he had a full ejaculation he is done.  Most stallions like to keep their mare around for a while and may mount and breed several times in secession before taking a break to eat or sleep.  Teasing him as he herds you about makes for high intensity orgasms for both parties.

If you are going the anal route, when his penis is in a line above your spine it can pass easily through your pelvic opening and up your colon.  When he flares on the other side of a male pelvis, he isn't coming out until his flare goes down.  Be very sure you have a calm horse before you get in this situation.  If he spooks, you are going with him.


      It was very common to have Edward mount and breed me 

                     several times in secession before taking a break to eat or sleep 

         This was a great Affirmation for me as they showed really wanted me, that they    were really in the mood, and by them herding me, to me it was them saying to me;

                                   " get bent over, so I can mount you again" 

   My point here is ; Once I became Edward's " jenny " (female donkey) to breed, that was that, I was " his jenny " and he clearly valued me for breeding and masturbation/sucking him.


              I very much felt that I was their one and only lover and companion


     " the donkey is an affectionate animal that seeks out comforts. He doesn’t seem to mind if they come from a human or another donkey.

       Where our horses definitely prefer to be with other horses rather than with me or other people.

       How donkeys show affection isn’t a complicated question. They are very open to love when they are healthy and with someone they trust.  - donkeylistener.com




         The ideal self in cognitive dissonance is determined by you.

            I have never been in a mental conflict about being psychological a transsexual type person, or having sex with men or with Edward ,


My conflict has been looking like a male yet feeling like a female 

                                  This can never be resolved,

   It could be diminished, by having sex reassignment surgery

   Which in my case would be zero-depth vaginoplasty 

                         (have my penis replaced with a female looking vulva) 

                                                      Which I have always desired



If  incongruence arises when the love and respect you receive is conditional on you meeting the expectations of others."

  With Edward  there was no expectations thus living a secret life with them, I avoided the need to "come-out" as transsexual publicly, to get any surgery,take hormones etc.

                      Yet by having Edward as a lover

                                   " gender incongruence "

                                           was resolved 


       As their only expections if any was that I be female for them and my expectation of myself was to care for them as best I could, and be the best female-roled sexual partner for them .


      A straight heterosexual male needs the romance part of a relationship, like making out kissing , hugging etc. This I could not offer, and I am not attracted to homosexual males



     By my startng a sexual relationship with Edward in the first place , I was able to clearly see the contrast of being a male donkey's female partner and being a human male's female partner.

                                    Though not fair to compare,

 -By far I very much preferred being a female partner for Edward