Gender Identity Disorder / Gender dysphoria
Or in a Song, maybe it should be called " Constant Craving"
Ever since my youngest memories I felt the need to be " Female like "
Since puberty not a day goes by that I don't need Affirmation of my female role and my "Femaleness"
And my greatest Affirmation came from my dogs and my jack donkey lover Edward by having them breeding me like a female and them taking me just as I am as their female surrogate companion.
Yet the need for Affirmation comes in other ways such as being able
to be seen publicly in one's role.
Not a day goes by were I haven't wished to dress in a fashion publicly, that is in the way I wish to dress. " I feel female like so I wish to dress female like ".
Because I am so female like psychologically, I so much like to dress female like, I feel so much better when I can be as I am a dress as I am.
Yet for me to go out publicly dressed as photo below for example would be too dangerous / damaging in the society in which I live.
Because I've been a female-roled zoosexual since age 13 (1975)and preferred to only have intact male jack donkeys, ponys and large intact male dogs as my male sexual companions, this made things even more complex that would of been even more dangerous / damaging if known publicly.
By having my dogs, jack donkeys and stallion ponies penetrate me anally and ejaculate up inside me, they intensely feminized and emasculated me, made me feel very female for them, made me feel wanted by them as a viable female for them to mate with.
From 1975-1997 I was exclusively a female receptive partner for my intact male dogs, jack donkeys and stallion ponies.
In 1997 I started performing sexually for heterosexual men as a female-receptive concubine, pleasuring them sexually when they wanted it.
Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity—their personal sense of their own gender—and their sex assigned at birth. The diagnostic label gender identity disorder (GID) was used until 2013 with the release of the diagnostic manual DSM-5. The condition was renamed to remove the stigma associated with the term disorder.- wikipedia
Though the above may describe a the condition of (GD),
" Affirmation of one's gender identity, sexual identity is only way to live with it ! "
How the Societal shaming, non-acceptance of transsexuality
effects the intensity of one's Gender Identity Disorder is hard to say because there has never been a moment in my life were being a Male to Female transsexual type person has ever been accepted, and has always been shamed.
And then being a Female-roled partner
and being "bred" by both a jack donkey
and a male great dane further complicated Societal acceptance.
Because I have always only wanted to be the Female-roled, Female sexually receptive partner for a jack donkey or a Large Male dog like a great dane and live in a monogamous
relationship with them and under same roof so to speak.
One reason I never felt it was wrong to be in sexual relationship with my jack donkey partner Edward and then later my great dane partner Max was I very much knew they were breeding me just as they naturally would a female of their own species.
Only real difference was I couldn't get pregnant, the copulatory act was basically the same, other than that we had a very close loving relationship just as anyone has a close loving non-sexual relationship with their animal companion.
"Coming Out of the Closet"
Writing this journal has turned out as a very good Affirmation of my true identities,
and serves as a method of " Coming Out " for me
Writing this journal as a study for a testimonial type writing due to;
Lack of life Stories, Testimonials from
homosexual transsexuals and zoosexuals
After many years of intense research on the the topics of male to female transsexual
and zoosexuality I have found very little in regard to writings like the following;
" The Autobiography of an Androgyne, The female-impersonators
June expressed a lifelong desire to be a woman, June consistently used he/him pronouns in reference to himself in his own writing. June wrote of feeling like a combination of male and female
" June published his first autobiography, The Autobiography of an Androgyne in 1918, and his second, The Female-Impersonators in 1922. This makes June one of the earliest instances of someone who is transgender or gender nonconforming in American history to publicize their own story. In June's preface to the book, June explains that he has kept diaries of his life and that his autobiography has been taken from those.
June organized the book into episode-like sections, wherein he discusses incidents in his life as well as his opinions on certain social matters. June's stated goal in writing the book was to rally the support of Americans to create an accepting environment for young adults who do not adhere to gender and sexual norms, because that was what June would have wanted for himself, and he wanted to prevent them from committing suicide. June discusses his desires, which he struggled with because they were so different to what was considered normal.
The memoir describes in detail many personal narratives as well as June's sexual encounters and desires, including the story of his castration, but also contains pleas for understanding and acceptance of "fairies". The Autobiography of an Androgyne also describes how June felt that he lived a double life in the sense that he was an educated, middle-class white male scholar, but also had intense yearnings for performing sexual acts that distressed him " -wikipedia
" At eighteen, June became so depressed about being an invert that he sought medical help to make him feel like a "normal male." The two New York medical professors he went to first, venereologist Dr. Prince A. Morrow (1846 - 1913) and then alienist Dr. Robert S. Newton both saw inversion as a defect, and attempted for months to cure him of it by every known method. (Alienist was an early Victorian word for a psychiatrist.) June's treatments included drugs, hypnosis, aphrodisiacs in the hope of making June attracted to women, and electrical stimulation of the brain and spinal cord (electroconvulsive therapy). These treatments had no effect: June remained an invert, depressed, and also a nervous wreck from the drugs. It is understood today that trying to make someone stop being LGBT (called conversion therapy) is not effective, and is even abusive "
" Wearing the Cage "
Wearing a cock cage helps affirm my emasculation from maleness and show I have no desire to be like a male sexually and that I am female sexually receptive only.
I only wish now that I'd been posing nude for the last 25 years;
" Only while wearing a Cage "
Yet I was so fixated on getting the vulvoplasty surgery, thus having a female like vulva, I didn't think to wear the cage.
Which I very much feel I should have a vulva and not have a penis
A woman breast feeding two puppies while two Mexican peasants implore her to feed her baby.
Human–animal breastfeeding - Wikipedia
Human to animal breastfeeding has been practiced in some different cultures during various time periods. The practice of breastfeeding or suckling between humans and other species occurred in both directions: women sometimes breastfed young animals, and animals were used to suckle babies and children. Animals were used as substitute wet nurses for infants, particularly after the rise of syphilis increased the health risks of wet nursing. Goats and donkeys were widely used to feed abandoned babies in foundling hospitals in 18th- and 19th-century Europe. Breastfeeding animals has also been practised, whether for perceived health reasons – such as to toughen the nipples and improve the flow of milk – or for religious and cultural purposes. A wide variety of animals have been used for this purpose, including puppies, kittens, piglets and monkeys.
-Dreaming of being able to really get pregnant by my dog lovers-
There were a few Men who I had told that I wished I could have their baby, yet primarily it was my dog partners that I dreamed could get me pregnant.
It was always important all my animal partners both intact, not castrated, as I very much wanted to take their " live Sperm up inside my bottom ".
When my dog partners would breed me, I always wish as their sperm flowed into my
body " If only they could really get me pregnant, that would be so wonderful !"
Dreamed of having real breast so I could breast feed the puppies