" hermaphroditus Salmacis en Hermaphroditus " by Hendrick Goltzius
Hendrick Goltzius's drawing of Salmacis and Hermaphroditus, relates in a similar that way I feel,as I always felt not man, not woman.Both,and sexually always desiring to perform as a woman, yet not wishing to be a woman,yet desiring to not have a penis and instead have a female like vagina.
Mainly for myself, I always desired to be in female receptive role like a real female
and consider myself psychologically female or a male to female transsexual type person
For myself,my desire as mainly always been to "perform sexually for a man in the female role ".And though I very much like being penetrated anally, if I could have a vagina,that would be ideal." My fantasy "
I still desire to present myself as feminine as possible for a man
My ideal self as a " hermaphrodite ", female-roled male.
For myself, I've pretty much always thought of myself psychologically female
Thus, being sexually attracted to males as always been normal , yet I have to be 100% in the Female-role, so in the relationship,... I in essence can feel like a straight female having sex with a straight male......This feeling for me was completely achievable with my male donkey partner Edward. In my mind he was my husband, I was his wife.
A important aspect of Edward's role with me was his ability to make me feel like I was his " female mate ", how he showed he valued me to breed, he simply ,unconditionally put me in the role as his partner to breed with, me and only me.
I very much wanted just to be his mate.