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Identifying with the American berdache


                              Samoan Fa'afafine

Third-gender type sexually inverted male

It is important to understand that I am not calling myself Native American, I orginally identified with the description of the berdache taxonomy/concept of a androphilic male who took the role and dress of a female after reading "Patterns of Culture" by Ruth Benedict.

 Later I read Will Roscoe's "Changing Ones"

The Berdache Today

With colonialism came many changes to Native life. Relating to berdache life, there was a change in the cultural perception of gay and transgender people that remains to this day. The change reflected more and more a Western view of sexuality, showing evidence of the two-gender, two-sexuality model characterized by much of Western society; the gay or the straight, the male or the female.

Today, most individuals that mostly likely would have previously identified as Two Spirit, now simply identify themselves simply as gay or lesbian. This long standing idea of the third gender individual blessed by the gods and respected with having a role in society that is entirely their own has mostly disappeared. We now see an adoption of western gender identity terms, and unfortunately, with this we see the same narratives of hatred and discrimination

Since I learned of the Samoan Fa'afafine I identify with that taxonomy/concept of sexual/gender role identity more securely because the Samoan Fa'afafine exist today in the same taxonomy.

first time sucking Edward1_edited_edited

                       "Historical development of the word berdache"

The term berdache was first used in Italian in the 15th century, recorded in French in 1548, in Spanish (cognate term) in the first quarter of the 16th century, and first applied to American Indians by the Spanish in the late 16th century. The term was published in The Jesuit Relations and Allied Documents, volume 59 (1900), containing documents dating from 1673 to 1677. The Jesuits recorded the observations of numerous missionaries and traders who had witnessed men in women’s clothing, work roles, and sexual roles. The term berdache originates from the Arabic word bardaj (“slave” or “kept boy”). That word spread into western Europe, as a result of contact with the Muslim world, and became the Spanish term bardaxa/bardaje (person engaging in sodomy) and then the French term bardache (a boy kept by a pederast). While the Spanish and French originally used the term for male transvestites or the passive partner in sex between males, anthropologists later applied the term berdache to American Indians who assumed the dress, social status, and role of the opposite sex.

I first identified with the term "berdache" in the mid 1980's after reading Ruth Benedict's " Patterns of Culture", because I clearly have always wanted to be in the female-receptive role for males, I've always wanted to dress much more female like to show my status as " female-roled/receptive".

By reading Patterns of Culture, and those words "men who adopt the clothing and occupations of women" because I always wanted to like a boy's girlfriend, or be female like...."so I felt not alone, and horrible for being female-roled"

                                        What "Berdache" means to me

So my definition of a berdache is; " a female roled/receptive male who takes the passive/receptive role for a male partner ", as well as assumes the dress, social status, and role of a female "

        "I knew I wanted to be like a male's girlfriend early on"

                                       brief overview of my history

I had first performed fellatio on a neighbor friend at age 7, he was 13 thus he was ejaculating in my mouth, I continued to perform fellatio on until I was 11, at which time he and his family moved away.

I met and befriended a small jack donkeys Edward that lived at a near by boarding stables at age 10, after about a year of spending alot of time with him I started having Centuar sexual fantasies;

Though it is a very taboo topic, after seeing Edward with his long penis hanging out soon I was was overwhelmingly attracted to him sexually. Then one day while his penis was hanging out, I started performing fellatio on him, he allowed me to continue and eventually ejaculated in my mouth.


After I'd been with Edward like that, it soon became our every day ritual, once he seen me arrive at the stables to visit him, he'd drop his penis, I'd wash it, then perform fellatio him until he ejaculated.

I would be with Edward until 1996 and there were very few days that I wasn't able to perform fellatio on him. 

I was having sexually relations with several males at age 13, I was their passive partner in that I was performing fellatio on them.

( this time I dreamed of being a; The term berdache originates from the Arabic word bardaj (“slave” or “kept boy”) I have a crush a sexy gym teacher and fantasies of him after seeing him nude in the gym showers.

 Story of a actual written account of when I began having sex with the guys @ 13yr.


My males friends introduced me quickly to some older males, one who which educated me on how to properly clean and prepare my bottom so that all the guys could start penetrating me anally, his name was Ed he was the first guy to penetrate my bottom and ejaculate up inside.."this set my role for life".

I had told Ed about Edward my jack donkey, and that I been performing fellatio on him for a few years, then told him that I wanted Edward to penetrate me now that I knew that I could do that for a boyfriend.

Ed lived on a farm, he asked me if I'd like him to introduce me to a Timbo a small stallion breeding pony, and Tenor a small jack donkey he had, this weekend, that they would likely breed me and introduce me to getting bred by equines, he also said he had a intact male german shepherd his name being T-bone.

That weekend,

I was with Timbo, Ed had me lean over the watering trough in the paddock, very quickly Timbo mounted me then successfully bred me, Tenor successfully bred me soon after Timbo had.

As soon as I had my wits about me, Ed lead me to the house, T-bone his german shepherd greeted me warmly, as Ed got me a glass of ice tea, I was still completely nude, I sat on the sofa in the living room so I could pet T-bone, which I was doing when Ed asked me " how would like it if T-bone bred you? " my reply was "yes", Ed told me to get on the floor and crawl around on my hands and knees and play with him, get to roll over so you can rub his belly, then work your way to his sheath and stroke it.

T-bone allowed me to get his penis slipped out of it's sheath, as soon as Ed seen that T-bone's penis was slipping out he told me to turn and lean onto the sofa , Ed then guide T-bone up onto back, T-bone soon was working my bottom with his penis trying to find my opening, Ed jump-in, helped T-bone get his penis started in me, then T-bone went crazy wild humping me, in less then a minute his penis was knotted and locked up inside me, in about 10 minutes T-bone putted out of me.

It was a big day for me, Ed took me back out to Tenor the jack donkey, he eager bred as well.


         Three of Ed's friends showed up and they gang-banged me.

                       (being gang-banged remained a desired role until 2004)

                           (both Timbo and Tenor both bred me 2 more times each)



            I would remained T-bone , Tenor and Timbo's female-receptive partner

                                                   until they passed away 

 Since that day, I've loved being a female-receptive partner for men, yet since that day I've much preferred being a female-receptive partner for

jack donkeys, stallion ponies, performing fellatio on full size stallions and being bred by large intact male dogs.


Performing sexually for the guys went on routinely for about a month, then I arrived at school one morning, then a friend came up to me and asked me; " were you really letting those guys stick their penis in your bottom?"  I remember my reply like it was yesterday, I replied to my friend " what do you think" and walked away. 

                                                    "Outed at school"


By then end of that day many others came up to and asked if it was true,

I could hear others giggling, whispering in class that I was queer etc.

This went on day after day, students yelling down the hall "Michael is queer etc."

                                       " It was very traumatizing"

I quit having sex with all the guys, I never had sex with another human male until 1997.

                 My only role was being a female-receptive partner for,

   jack donkeys, stallion ponies, performing fellatio on full size stallions

                                       and large intact male dogs

                            from fall of 1975 until summer of 1997

Soon after being "Outed", I was able to get bred by Edward, this soon was our routine as well as me performing fellatio on him.


I purchased Edward from his owner in 1977 and he and I started living together on a small farm in 1981, he and I would remain partners until his death in 1996.

So by 1986 I was living with, being bred by Edward, Jackabee, Tigger my jack donkeys, my intact male dogs Ted, Tanner, Temper, and Rufus all of them were breeding me at least 3 times a week

I was being bred by my friend Ed' jack donkey Tenor, and stallion pony Timbo as well on weekends.

In 1997 I started performing sexually as a female-roled male, for human males.


I stopped all sexual relations with my Equine and Canine partners in 2001.

Though I still consider my primary role as; female-receptive zoosexual,

due to the fact that I prefer being only with intact male equines and canine partners.

I became 100% celibate in 2004 and have had no sexual contact with humans or Animals since 2001



I tried several times in my 20's to be like a man, and be a partner for a female yet it was so un-natural, where being in the female sexual role for for a male was so right and natural, which in turn manifested into me

becoming a female-roled/receptive zoosexual as well a femboy for men

         Though my primary attraction is to male equines and canines

Whether my partner is a Human male, Jack donkey male or a Canine male or pony, I am 100% sexually inverted, female-roled/receptive 

   I had to be a female-roled/ surrogate female for a Male lover "

          whether it be intact male, dogs, donkeys, ponys or men


" The institution of another gender role means that berdaches are not deviant-indeed, they do conform to the requirements of a custom in which their culture tells them they fit.

Berdachism is a way for society to recognize and assimilate some atypical individuals without imposing a change on them or stigmatizing them as deviant. This cultural institution confirms their legitimacy for what they are. "

                                                                                  The Berdache Tradition Walter L. Willams

                  I can identify very well with the following statement ;

Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners. Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties. This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions."

                                                                     A Native American Perspectiveon theTheory of Gender Continuum by DRK

" There are some characteristics of the sexual practices of berdache, which differ from those of other same sex relationships. Berdaches almost always observe an incest taboo which involves the avoidance of sex with another berdache. One explanation for this is that sexual partner of the berdache must, by nature, be masculine. This belief is consistent with the emphasis on the gender aspects of the role rather than the sexual aspects. It also dovetails with the information on berdache marriages to masculine men. In these unions, the berdache is considered a wife and is valued by the husband not only for the domestic duties the berdache performs, but also for the socially acceptable homosexual relationship. "

How many American Indian tribes have the berdache tradition?

According to a history project by GAI (Gay American Indians-a gay Indian activist group, obviously) 133 American Indian tribes have been documented as having a berdache tradition while the American Anthropological Association puts it lower at 122.

It’s interesting (and sad) that most American, at least until recently , have not been aware aspect of American Indian culture. transgendered people are just barely coming to be accepted by mainstream society while the people who originally lived on this continent have been crossing gender boundaries for upwards of 20,000 years (that’s the currently accepted estimate of when the early American Indians crossed over the Bering Land Bridge from Siberia into Alaska and North America). I d didn’t know about this at all myself until a few years ago when I came across a few very vague references to the berdache in some gay magazines I thumbed though, More recently I came across “The Spirit and The Flesh” by Walter Williams which is a good introduction to this, by chance in a bookstore . There are some really good books on American Indians I’ve seen, but even the best of them have very little or no mention of the berdache. - The Way of The Berdache

Cultural Differences

    Berdaches are Native American males who dress up as women, do traditional "women's tasks," and often become the wives of the males. Although they do much of the women's work, they are still allowed to do most of the men's work, as well. Hijras are Indian males who dress up as women and usually emasculate themselves. They usually do everything possible to become female or as close to it as possible, and they also become wives to Indian men on many occasions. These function much like mother-daughter relationships in regards to emotional and social kinship.


                                                - Which One's the Sexy Indian? / A Comparison Between Berdaches and Hijras By Adam Bruno

The cultural attitude toward homosexuals has not always been on such a high ethical plane, but it has been very varied. Among many American Indian tribes there exists the institution of the berdache, as the French called them. These men-women were men who at puberty or thereafter took the dress and the occupations of women. Sometimes they married other men and lived with them. Sometimes they were men with no inversion, persons of weak sexual endowment who chose this role to avoid the jeers of the women. The berdaches were never regarded as of first-rate supernatural power, as similar men-women were in Siberia, but rather as leaders in women’s occupations, good healers in certain diseases, or, among certain tribes, as the genial organizers of social affairs. In any case, they were socially placed. They were not left exposed to the conflicts that visit the deviant who is excluded from participation in the recognized patterns of his society - Ruth Benedict

I identify with the Samoan Fa'afafine – or “Fafa” – are men who are raised as females and identify with that gender.


I especially relate to the fact that Fa'afafine mostly have relationships with heterosexual men.

When I was having sex with men, I very much preferred being with a Dominate heterosexual male who will feminize me. (I like guys to call me their "femboy")

 " This is one thing both Edward my jack donkey partner, my male dog partners and stallion pony partners represented for me, they were both extremely male and feminized me sexually "


Samoan Fa'afafine


I'd love to live in Samoa as a Fa'afafine

I especially relate to the fact that Fa'afafine mostly have relationships with heterosexual men.

 A excerpt from  Exhibitionistic Disorder page



                                                                  negative Oedipus complex and homosexuality

                                     " It is thought that exhibitionists regard their mothers as rejecting them on the

                                       basis of their different genitals.
                                       Therefore, they grow up with the desire to force women to accept them
                                        by making women look at their genitals."


  " Due to fact that the few times I attempted to have a intimate relationship with females

the relationships ended due to my needing to her to find a " Real Man ", to have sex with, then have her new lover make me perform fellatio on him and penetrate me anally as she watches. 

For example;                             


                           I've always wanted a Dominate heterosexual Man;

                to take me as his full time submissive female-roled sexual partner

  " My long time dream / fantasy has been to be in a relationship with a Man and Women who are married, yet I am loved by both of them I am like a Au pair for them both and I perform as a submissive sex partner for him, he has me perform fellatio on him routinely, as well as penetrates me anally with her permission as she watches "

                        " Thus I can be in a relationship with a Man and Women, yet in my female-role "

                                      " Yet even in the above scenario, my primary sexual partner is a jack donkey"

                                     Thus she loves me in platonic way, and accepts that I am sexually female roled

                                                                          and a female-roled zoosexual

                                    Thus she sees him treating me like a female, which in turn Affirms my role for her


                                  I always wanted to Affirm my sexual role as female too/ for all females in hopes they ;

                                                                               " would accept me "

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       I most definitely identify as a Third-Gender type

I don't identify as a male psychologically or sexually, yet physically I'm male



I identify as a female psychologically and sexually, though wish I had a female like body, especially a vagina because I am 100% female sexually roled.

                                     Because of Circumstances

Being around my uncles four coonhounds and Edward the jack donkey, then being extremely attracted to their maleness,

I soon was performing fellatio on all of them and ingesting their semen/sperm at age 10, by age 13 all of them were penetrating me anally and impregnating me with their semen.

                                 So by 1975, I was a female surrogate partner for

                                 Edward my jack donkey, and the coonhounds.

             Being exclusively a female-roled zoosexual


I would only have sex with my animal partners as their female to breed, until 1997, between 1975 to 1997 I would go onto have sex/be bred by many dogs and

several stallion ponies beside Edward and the coonhounds.

Since I am a female-roled zoosexual has always complicated things as far as gender identity, sexual identity and sexual orientation go, one thing I do know I have always preferred to only have a sexual partner that is male a equine(jack donkey),

large intact male dog and stallion ponies.

I became a female-receptive zoosexual


I think the video below portrays how I best look in regards to my identity

If I could live life over again I'd only be a female-roled partner for a  jack donkey like Edward, large intact male dogs and stallion ponies because when we were sexually intimate, the way they treated me made me feel;

     " Totally Female like, they were truly trying to Breed me "


Whether bote or spelled burdash, I identify best as a female-roled/receptive male, or a surrogate female sexual partner for Males, whether be human Males, equine Males or canine Males, I can only perform sexually as a female does.

     I consider my sexually identity to be primarily

                                                                      to be

             female-roled/receptive zoosexual

    Though I love to be a female receptive surrogate partner for large intact male dogs

    The love of my life was Edward my jack donkey partner

                      metaphorically I was his wife and he was my Husband

first time sucking Edward1_edited_edited

Because the " Fa'afafine of Samoa " are the closest type peoples in the modern world that I can relate to and that are socially accept as " Female-roled males ", Samoa would be a ideally place for me to live.

"Faʻafafine have sexual relationships exclusively with men who do not identify as faʻafafine"

                                                                   ("heterosexual men")

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I wish had surgery.jpg

Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners. Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties. This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions."

                                                     -A Native American Perspectiveon the Theory of Gender Continuum by DRK

VideoToPhoto 637982196170207493.jpg

Another distinctive aspect of berdache sex is that during foreplay and actual intercourse they generally do not like to have their genitals touched.

" The institution of another gender role means that berdaches are not deviant-indeed, they do conform to the requirements of a custom in which their culture tells them they fit.

Berdachism is a way for society to recognize and assimilate some atypical individuals without imposing a change on them or stigmatizing them as deviant. This cultural institution confirms their legitimacy for what they are. "

In large part,

because American culture didn't accept and respect a male that was female-roled and sexually female receptive, "forming loving intimate sexual relationships with intact male dogs, a jack donkey and stallion ponies lead me to become and remain a female-receptive partner for non-human animals"(zoosexual)

becoming a zoosexual1.jpg

I've always wished I lived in a culture where I could dress similar to above, when out in public without feeling threaten, made fun of, and just simply respected.

My need mirrors the above statement, yet as a third-gender type I was and still constantly  need of Affirmation of my femininity, and having a male partner treat me like a female sexually was the greatest way to Affirm my role as viable, valued partner.




"My greatest need is to have a Male partner make me feel like a female, by treating me like a female sexually"

Need Affirmation

During my clinical research for The Lights of Tenth Street, several experts told me that a chronic lack of affirmation is one reason so many men slip into pornography addiction. For whatever reason, they feel like less than a man, so they seek —and find! —affirmation in pornography. As one man pointed out, “All those women in the men’s magazines convey one message: ‘I want you, and you are the most desirable man in the world.’ My wife may be nagging me at home, the kids may be disobedient, and I may be worried about messing up at work, but look at the woman in that picture makes me feel like a man.”

If affirmation is indeed everything, why should a man have to look for it in other places when he has a wife who loves and respects him? There’s nothing wrong with work, sports, or hobbies —it’s wonderful for him to feel alive and encouraged in those pursuits —but they shouldn’t have to be a retreat from an un-affirming home life


Though I very much wanted to serve as many men as possible from 1997 to 2004,.............   I considered myself more like a "ethical femboy slut", and all my men knew they could call me any time they needed. And I was serving many 18-25 year old single guys.

Same-sex relations - Berdaches most often form sexual and emotional relationships with non berdache members of their own sex" (Roscoe, Changing 8).

" If one can indeed relate to another being across the species barrier so intimately, as reading accounts of zoophiles has convinced me, then that relationship does not fall so very short of the ideal after all" - Sarah Wheeler 

Once became a femboy partner for heterosexual men in 1997 it was very important that, 

            "I present myself to them as submissive and feminine as possible"

Basically be like a "call girl", and be ready to perform sexually for them when they called.

                          For me it was very important I be "wearing a cage"

I had to ready to serve my men 24/7, thus always have my bottom clean and ready, be good at deep throating, I very much wanted them to enjoy having me to use for sex.

I am a androphilic transsexual


     homosexual transsexual

             Two types of male to female transsexuals;

androphilic (attracted to men) and gynephilic (attracted to women) 

As Paul states at the end of the conversation " very few Fa’fafine have long term relationships with men", same reason as me, because the men are heterosexual.

Listening to this one soon understands how confusing the whole transgender topic is.

Diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) was used by another research team to compare 18 male-to-female transsexuals with 19 gynephilic (sexual attraction to females or femininity) males and 19 typical (heterosexual) females. DTI is used to detect white matter in the brain; white matter structure is one of the differences in neuroanatomy between men and women.The androphilic transsexuals (sexual attraction to males or masculinity), differed from both control groups in many brain areas. The authors concluded that androphilic transsexuals are halfway between the patterns exhibited by male and female control groups. Gynephilic male-to-female transsexuals (MtF) also show differences in the brain from non-transsexual males, but in a pattern different from being shifted in a female direction. Let’s get this straight: using DTI, researchers discovered that 19 FtM gynephilic people were compared with 19 heterosexual females.  You with me? Alrightee. The results were that androphillic transsexuals (they seemed to suddenly jump out of nowhere in this study) differ in results from the heterosexual females and the gynephilic males. The brains of androphilic transgenders are “halfway” between the patterns seen in male and female control groups. This certainly is a unique result in that the androphilic transgender person fully displays neither the patterns of the heterosexual female brain patterns nor the patterns of the gynephilic FtM brain.

androphilic transgenders are “halfway” between the patterns seen in male and female control groups.

A good place to understand;

        gynephilic male to female transgender/transsexual (attracted to women)


I found the following on a forum;

To those saying sex with a shemale makes someone bi or gay:

What is it then when a man has sex with a transgendered man who still has a vagina such as Buck Angel? If you define orientation by genitalia and the type of sex one has in this instance then all those men who had sex with Buck Angel in his GAY PORN MOVIES aren't actually gay but straight because they were having sexual intercourse with a vagina.

Of course this is nonsense. Those attracted to Buck are attracted to him because he looks like a man, acts like a man and is a man regardless of him still having a vagina. These men can be gay or bisexual.

Likewise the men attracted to shemales are attracted to them because they look like women, act like women and are women regardless of them having penises. These men can be straight or bisexual.

Either deal with these facts or accept that you're transphobic and don't understand gender identify or transsexualism.

                                                        - unknown

My reply concerning the whole transgender topic is;

Imagine me going to the grocery store looking like this in 1980, in a small mid-west city, then on top of looking like this, people found out that I am sexually attracted to straight men.

     "I don't think the outcome would be good then, or now"

Yet this is how I have always desired to dress

Hopefully a few might understand why I was a female-receptive zoosexual form 1975 until 2001


I've always felt like I should be female and have wanted be like a female

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