Me Erect or Masturbating

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I have very little video footage of myself with an erection or while masturbating and all the footage I do have is mainly from the 1997 period when my troilism, being cuckolded by a female friend which lead to my intense compulsive exhibitionistic behavior.

           

                      Not suited to have a sexual relationship with a female


             My exhibitionist behavior ended after Albert turned me into his slutboy,

 

After I'd told my female friend that Albert was letting me suck his cock and was fucking me, the relationship with my female friend ended.

This showed me that I was psychologically so emasculated that wasn't suited to have a sexual relationship with a female.

Ever since becoming Albert's slutboy that summer of 1997, I have never  been able to achieve an erection without great difficulty, even if I did, I was unable to maintain it long enough to masturbate, thus when I do masturbate, I am completely limp when I reach orgasm.

                 The troilism ended followed by the exhibitionistic behavior

                                      I've never had the urge to be with a female since

                                                                                 and

                      Have never had urge to expose myself to female's since

          Since then, I only want my Man to have a Erection, and show him that I am 

         " Fully femininized and psychologically Emasculated by being always limp"


           

                            I don't get erect, and when I do ejaculate my penis is limp!

 

 

 

 

 

My normal way of ejaculating was self-sucking, 13 until about 16-17 years old, then I'd ingest my semen, once I grown to tall to suck myself, I then used my dildo in my bottom and ejaculated limp into my hand or table spoon then ingested my semen, that remains my current method of masturbation (whenever I ejaculate, I try to always ingest my cum).

                                            I'd often wear these cut-out jeans when 

                                            exposing myself to females at drive-up

                                          windows then ejaculating in front of them.

                                                 (something I always will be ashamed of)

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All these video's,

 were during my 1997 troilism/exposing myself at drive-up windows episode 

Above video is me wearing tight brass cock ring, so my penis would stay erect while I was driving around exposing myself to females at drive-up windows in 1997

After my friend Rachel introduced me to her boyfriend Albert and Rachel watched as I sucked his cock, that saved me from my troilism/exhibitionistic obsessions once I realized that I couldn't be or try to be a viable male partner for a female, ended my relationship the female friend I was trying to be intimate with, the troilism naturally ended, which was the cause of the exhibitionistic behavior.

Once I had Albert to serve sexual as my Dom Man, I soon was able start meeting other

men who I could also serve as their submissive slut.

 I normally never had an erection when in the present of one of my Male lovers, I need to show them that I was not capable of perform like a Real Man, my Femboy role means No erections!.. except on two occasions when a few guys wanted to experience sucking my penis, which I didn't like because it isn't in my nature, all my  life I have always only wanted to be female-receptive, and be treated like a submissive slut and serve Dominate Men.

 

 

              After Edward's death (1996 to fall of 1997)

                        A very mixed up, confusing and disoriented time in my life

I remember the time from 1997 to 1999 well because.

A lot of events were occurring.

1. I met girlfriend, started trying to be intimate with her
2. Started asking her if she would cuckold me (troilism behavior)
3 Once she did start cuckolding me, the obsessive complusive exhibitionistic behavior began
  (I started driving around nude masturbating, then pull up to a fast food drive-up window that I could see a female was working, then with a full erection I pull up to the window,
   as I paid her and she handed me my order, once I knew  she could see I was erect, I start having a leg shaking, convulsive type orgasm and ejaculate during the event.
4. My girlfriend had been cuckolding for about 3 months, I'd been exposing my self at drive-up windows for females all that time as often as possible(hundreds of times)
5. I checked myself into a hospital because suicidal ideations was there a week
6. Started seeing a psychologist weekly, discussing the troilism/cuckolding and exhibitionistic behaviors.
7. Relapsed within a week was exposing myself again.
8. Went through Rachels drive-up window twice, two days in a row, first time I gave her the sorry note about me sucking cock all my life, yet attempting to be a real man now.
9. Second time through Rachels drive-up, she told me she wanted to watch me suck her boyfriend's cock.
10. That night I was sucking her boyfriend's cock(Albert) as she watched, I asked if could be fucked by Albert, they said yes.
11. The next night Albert fucked me. and would continue to fuck me routinely for the next 3 years.(at least once a month)

to be continued....

       If I did ejaculate when with one of my Men, I ejaculated limp as they fucked me

                                     that was true when with Edward or Max as well !

Once I been taken by Max the great dane, and experienced being breed by him, I knew that I only wanted to be a female-receptive partner for a large breed intact male dog like him.   

Since then;  2001

I've never considered having any sexual partner other than a large breed intact male dog

I'd always ejaculate limp, once Max was knotted and locked up inside me, thus if Max bred me 2 or more times per day I'd have a orgasm and ejaculate.

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Since fall of 1997, after the trouble of exposing myself to females, I've have had no desire to be seen with a erection or having a orgasm/ejaculating, whats on this page is about the full extent of myself erect when posing.

I started posing nude for Artists in life drawing class setting short after the exhibitionistic behavior ended, there was never an erotic element when posing for art classes, and alot female art students were in the classes, yet I never was in any danger of getting a erection, there simply was nothing erotic about posing for me.

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Currently I plan to only pose from now on, only wearing my cage to express my need for psychological emasculation .

Once Albert put me in my place as his Female-Roled slutboy

                       my exhibitionist behavior disappeared,

and I never thought of ever engaging in that type of behavior again!

Ever since becoming Albert's slutboy that summer of 1997, I have never been able to achieve an erection without great difficulty, even if I did, I was unable to maintain it long enough to masturbate, thus when I do masturbate, I am completely limp when I reach orgasm.

Spring 2000 

 

 I met Max the intact stud great dane and he started breeding me, as well as I started performing fellatio on him.

 I instantly knew that I only wanted to be female surrogate partner for large intact male dog like Max after 8 months of intensely being bred him.

Though I became 100% celibate in 2001, and have been since, the only sexual partner 

that I've desired since, is a large intact male dog like Max.

I've never had any interest in exposing myself to females since 1997, or had very little interest in seeking out a Man to take me as his slut.

 

If by chance a Man showed interest in having me as his slut, I might start performing for him, yet that hasn't happened in nearly 22 years now!

Ejaculating limp, in this video I had a 18 inch dildo up inside my bottom

        -I've always been very aware of how I felt after having a orgasm-

                                     (post-ejaculation refractory period)

A warning sign for me was

1. After having sex with a female friend, where I played the male role for her, I was always sad, felt ashamed, I called it the " After climax blues "

2. After I'd ejaculated at a drive-up window in front of a female, I'd have extreme shame and guilt.

Yet because the post-ejaculation refractory period was short, I'd be obsessed again with desiring to expose myself at drive-ups.

When I was obsessed in my exhibitionistic disorder, I'd pull up to the drive-up window my penis swollen and purple as in the video above.

I be so consumed by the erotic madness of exposing myself to the females at the drive-up windows, sitting there in full view to the women, so vulnerable, so pathetic, yet the orgasms so intense as I began ejaculating the moment, I could see they were looking at my erect penis.

After they'd handed me my order and I drove alway, I'd instantly feel so ashamed and pathetic, yet so emasculated at the same time.

Yet the post-orgasm refractory period was so short, it might be only two hours and I be doing it again at another drive-up window.

Once I had exposed myself to female at a drive-up, I'd often return the next day/night in hopes that she might be working, and I could again expose myself to her, this happened often, there were females that I exposed myself to several times a week.

                 

On one of the occasions one of the females said to me as I was paying her and ejaculating at the same time;

                     " I'd like to watch you sucking my boyfriend's big black cock "

 

I knew she'd read the my note last night when I gave it to her "I am sorry, for exposing myself in front of you, I've been sucking cock my whole life, and I am trying to be a Real Man, yet I now know I can't be")

I was so excited by the idea of her watching me suck her boyfriend's cock,

I looked in my rear-view mirror, no car was waiting, so I told her I could give her my phone number, if she would really like me watch me suck him I would, she replies; "yes I really think you need a cock to suck instead of doing what your doing",

She then went and grabbed pen, I then told her my number as she wrote it on the note I gave her yesterday !, then she said she'd ask him when I get home.

To my amazement, she (Rachel) called me that night, told me she'd talked to her boyfriend, and he agreed to let me suck his cock while she watched.

I asked her when could I do that, she told me they could  meet me at a park that evening, they'd pick me up and I could suck his cock as they drove around.

I agreed and that evening I was sucking her boyfriend's(Albert) beautiful big black cock as she sat in the back seat looking over as I sucked him as he drove, I was fully clothed, yet I ejaculated in my pants soon after I started sucking,  just knowing she was watching me made me have a orgasm. 

Albert flooded my mouth with cum, I looked at Rachel as I swallowed it all down then thanked her for rescuing me from my madness and letting me suck Albert's cock.

The following night Albert gave me a good hard fucking as Rachel watched.

                  Albert continued to use me as his slut-boy routinely until 2001

The video above was filmed during the time of my exposing myself erect to the females at drive-up windows episode of 1997, so as well, the last time of ever exposing myself in a shameful way as that.

Me running hard 1997