My extreme Desire to feel Feminine

I do believe the "one" ultimate feminizing experience I ever had, that is in one individual sexual encounter where I simply was in a "totally blissful mental state of being so totally female" was the first time Max mounted me, his big swollen penis was firmly and very tightly stuck up inside, we remained stuck together for about 15-20 minutes, when Max finally got his penis pulled out of me, then feeling his semen running down my legs, just knowing he'd just impregnated me with so much living sperm caused me to have the most intense shaking , my penis completely tiny and limp orgasm I've ever experience. "Nearly" as close to a completely psychological induced orgasm as I can conceive.

I found as well, that when I was just performing fellatio on him, and due the fact that once he started ejaculating it was extended out over a 5-10 minute period of squirting his semen into my mouth, at some point during that period , I myself would simply start ejaculating limp.

A very distinct difference between me being with men and having a orgasm (ejaculating) and me being with Edward or Max is I had no " Post-coital tristesse (PCT) " after orgasm, where I always did with men, and did the few times I was with women.

Post-coital is a Latin phrase while tristesse is a French word which literally translates to “sadness”. If you suffer from PCT, you might experience intense feelings of uneasiness, anxiety or sorrow immediately after coitus, or even two hours later)

  I kept track of our breedings after we started living together in a log book- 1982-1996 ;

      april.-oct.was generally about 60-100 times a month. on average 3-5 yet as often as 25 times every 24                    hours.

      nov.-april was generally about 20-60 times a month.

               yearly was ranged from 884-1702 , most one year was, he'd bred me 1702 times.

The most in a 24 hour period was 25 times,

with 15-20 times per 24 hour period occurring 123 times in the 14 years from 1982-1996,

and for the 14 year period was Edward breed me or ejaculated in mouth  15,756 times ,

Most times in a 1 hour period=4 times,.....(it was very common to breed me twice in the first 15 minutes, this happened very frequently on work day nights when I first got cleaned/prepared for him.

Most times on a work night 6pm to 10pm=8 times

Most times in a 7 day period=91 times

Most times in a month = 265 times  (times off work 2 weeks -when with him most of 24 hour period and he bred me  6-8 times each day/ night ...91 wk. 1 . 81 wk. 2 , 48 wk. 3 , 45 wk. 4 ,) 

I estimate he breed me or ejaculated in my mouth the 7 years prior to living with him about 5000-6000 times

I often think if say I'd met Max first and never met Edward, knowing a great danes life span is only about 8 years verse a jack donkey can live to over 40 years,
I would of had 4 or 5 large male dogs that were mature breeding age at the same time, for example one might be 2 years old, then another 3 years old thru to 7 or 8 years old,
for example a St. Bernard's life span is about 8 years as well.

As Ideally for me, I like being bred or performing fellatio as often as I can be, for example it was common for Edward to breed me 3-5 times a day on average, yet some days none, other days 10-15 times.
I general performed fellatio on Edward at least once every day.

                     Sex with Edward and Max was always intensely emotional intimate and bonding for me


                             Sex with men was always clinical and not emotionally intimate or bonding for me,
                                                           they would feminize me, yet in a non-intimate way.

I also seldom had a orgasm when with men, say I was at Indigo house getting gang-banged for a straight hour, and say 20-30 guys had already been in my bottom, pulled out before ejaculating then came around in front of me,
got his condom off then ejaculated in my mouth, at same time another guy was already thrusting his cock in my bottom, I might have a orgasm.

I really didn't want to have a orgasm to soon while being gang-banged by alot guys in a gang-bang session

Ideally when at the Indigo house I'd be gang-banged by 6-10 man gang-bang type sessions, and have 8-10 sessions every day, thus was gang-banged by as many as 100 men in a day fairly often. 

Yet it varied, there were days I might get banged by 60 guys in one session, 40 guys in the next session, 30 in next, then 60 in next, yet my day was over, any time I'd been banged 200 times in 8 hours,
( we had to be available 10 hours a day for sex, thus I just performed fellatio or masturbated guys while they were waiting to bang another house slut or see a guy privately)

Guys could offer me their cocks to suck while I was being banged, and normally I would, yet whether I swallowed their semen depended on how much semen I'd aready swallowed,
I could normally swallow about 30 times in a 4 hour period then it would effect my stomach.

So if I knew I couldn't swallow anymore, I let a guy know, so he could ejaculate while up inside my bottom or save it and not ejaculate in this session, and ejaculate with another house slut, or me later,
all the guys knew how things worked.

Any of the guys could have me alone if he made prior arrangements, and if I requested prior to my Dom Top man, who was Steve who owned Max, that guy could ejaculate up inside me when we were alone only.

Thus by a month or so at Indigo house I had selected 12 guys who always seen my privately, thus there was a good chance I was getting impregnated with sperm every day.

By 8 months I was only seeing men privately 4 days a week (6-10 guys a day of a group of about 200 different guys) all were ejaculating up inside me, I had to clean/douche myself aftereach guy had ejaculated in me however.

And then I was getting gang-banged 2 days a week for 8 hours of those 2 days

On several weekends I arranged it with with my 200 guys so 100 of them were at the house some time between from 7 am til noon, then 100 from 2pm to 8pm, they all agreed to gang-bang me without a condom, thus all of their semen was in me or running down my legs, thus that way I was able to have my bottom get ejaculated into 200 times through that 10 hour period.

As their semen ran out of my bottom then dripped onto the mat, a guy would spoon it up off the mat or scrap off my legs and feed it to me so I could ingest it.

I only did this twice in the year at Indigo house.

And of the year at Indigo house Max was breeding me nearly every day 8 months of the last 8 months there.


I had told Steve soon after Max started breeding me, that I'd prefer just to be Max's female receptive partner, his reply thought was, " then why would you live at the Indigo house?. "


                                  I soon asked Steve if he would sell me Max, his reply was straight out " No "

I then started looking online for a great dane, seen the prices for great dane puppies, very high price , seen imfo. like this " Great Dane puppies are available for $1,000 and $1,500 on an average,
but the actual price range is much wider, starting at $600 and going up to $3,000." 

I then asked Steve about setting up a breeding operation, on the land where the Indigo house was because it was in the country on over 30 acres, my thought was to have 6-8 breeding age stud males of ages ranging from 2-6 and 6-8 females, once the females were pregnant, all the males could start breeding me as often as they wanted.

My thinking was I could be getting breed 6-8 or more times a day at least some days by the males, my thought being I'd be knotted up with one of the 6-8 males at different times during the day Ideally I could mate with or be performing fellatio on all of them every day and taking semen into my bottom a total of 2-3 hours a day.

Truly ideal or dream come True for me would be to be take one of the stud dogs for a walk to a breeding area get knotted up and breed by him, as soon as he got pulled out of me, we'd walk back, I'd walk  another one of the stud dogs out to breeding area, do it again, over and over until all 6-8 of them had breed me.

Thus in 3-4 hours all 6-8 stud dogs could have bred me, that's if they each were locked up in me a half hour.

                                                         (Edward was seldom locked up in me for more then 15-20 minutes)

One has to put aside their moral judgements etc. to truly understand how intensely feminizing it was for

me considering the very vulnerable state it put him in once he knotted up inside my bottom;


 number 1. For Max to even want me as his partner to breed. extremely feminized me

 number 2. Then breed me with the same intensity he would a real female canine, once he was up on

                               me and forcefully thrusting his penis into me, psychologically I was in a state of complete

                               surrender, I belonged to him, and was literally begging for his sperm to be in me.

 number 3. Once I felt him swell up, it was as if I was now was truly and for certain going to be a women,

                       his women, I knew for sure for the next 10-20 minutes I'd be bonded to his body by his big

                       penis and out of that penis was soon to be flowing his sperm that is intended to make me                                   pregnant !

  number 4. Once I knew his sperm was flowing into me, the intensity of me feeling truly female is beyond

                        words, other then that I never wanted anything more in life.

            - When I was 13 when Edward first took me as his female receptive partner and bred me -

                            I never was asking myself why does he breed me ?

Yet as I got older, I began wonder why time after time , day after day, month after month, year after year

he breeds me yet I never get pregnant ?

                                                                       So why does he keep breeding me

         I am very glad he didn't give up, and it made me feel wonderful that he wasn't getting tired of me.

          If it was purely biological, then that made me feel wonderful, because I then I knew he'd taken me

          as a truly viable receptive partner that he was going to breed, the idea that he was truly trying to

          breed me made me feel so very important and so very feminine, I was happy with that.

          If it was because when he bred me, it felt good to him, that as well made me feel so happy as well

          because if it felt good to him, I knew it wasn't harming him, and he'd want to continue breeding

          me hopefully forever, especially if and when it dawned on him that I wasn't ever going to get me                    pregnant!

                                                                                  I wish I truly knew


                                               I do know he made me feel like his "girl"








Prior to the new law, it was feasible, for me to get a place in country and start raising great danes and other large breed dogs, sell the puppies, work part-time, take care of the dogs and puppies,
walk them care for them etc, then when I could as far as time, I could have all of the stud dogs breeding me, as often as possible.

From my experience with Max, I think I could handle be breed by 5-10 dogs a day, as he

wasn't like Edward, where I had to be so lubed up, prepared to get all of his 20 inch penis completely up inside me before he flared then began ejaculating.

For example with Edward, 5 days a week, as soon as I was done with work, I'd get home as soon as possible, clean my bottom, get it lubed up the offer him my bottom, 90% the time he would breed me.

Then we'd go for a fairly long walk, when we got back, I offer him my bottom again, 
about 50% of the time he'd breed me, give him some carrots then I'd then get my self supper.

Once I finished eating, I go groom Edward a bit, then drop down, rub his testes and tummy, until his penis dropped out, then I'd rinse it, clean it then I start masturbating him, while I licked and sucked his balls,
and penis,, continued that until he ejaculated in my mouth. even if he'd didn't feel like breeding me, he'd ejaculate in my mouth every day at least once.

Then there were nights he'd would breed me, breed me again in 15 minutes, then again in a hour, until it was midnight or later, it wasn't uncommon for him to breed me 6-8 times by midnight.

Steve didn't like that idea either!, then by November of 2000 Steve informed of the new state law that would make zoosexuality a crime in the state we lived in.

                                               January 1, 2001, I became celibate, and have been since.

Though if I hadn't adopted George in 2005, who kept me occupied, and even though he and I's relationship was 100% platonic and I never desired him sexually in anyway.
I've always been very vulnerable to relapsing out of my celibacy if say a young guy might ask me for a blow-job, or some how I had a chance to suck  a large breed dog's penis or have him breed me, it would take all my

will power to resist.
Many times since 2001, I thought about adopting a male great dane or St. Bernard to have as my Man lover.

          " Yet I have to remember the Law, Thus by the law being in place it does keep me celibate "

Because I treated both Edward and then Max with loving care, respected them, I always felt good being a female-receptive lover for them, I know I was completely dedicated to them, and felt very lucky to have them as my Male lover/companion/partner.

Max knot butt plug1.jpg

  This is butt plug I made, it is

very difficult getting pulled out

             This was size of Max's knot,

       it wasn't coming out until he had  deflated and was done impregnating me

                     with his sperm

            One of the most memorable things a guy has ever said to me;

" Michael, the first time I had you give me a blow-job, I was simply really horny, and our mutual friend William told me that you were a really nice guy, that wanted, needed a man to treat you like a girl, I'd never had a guy suck my cock, so thats when I thought what the heck, I'll call you and ask you if you'd give me a blow-job.

When you answered the phone I nearly hung up, yet didn't, then as you remember I just

quickly blurted out, " William told me you might want to suck my cock ", you then in a serious voice said; " depends ", thats it!, so I had to ask you; " depends on what ? ", your reply again was serious and direct; " depends on if your cock is big and black and clean and ready for me to suck right now .

I quickly said yes, it's 9 inches un-cut and thick, then you asked were I was, I told you, your reply was; " I can be at your place in about 15 minutes if you wish ",  you know I said yes, then you replied; " I'll be there in 15 ".

I was so happy when I heard you knock at the, upon opening the door I see you standing there, just wearing thigh-highs and garter, your cock is caged, and your wearing a tube top.

I felt at ease, because you definitely looked feminine, then I let you lead me to the couch where you sat me down and then told me how glad you were that I called, that you were craving a big black cock to milk the sperm out of, as you worked at getting my pants off me.

 Then as soon as you seen my already very hard cock, you said, " yummy, un-cut, I love getting fucked really hard by a big un-cut cock, they slide well ", then once you had my

pants off and down on your knees between my knees, before I knew it you'd swallowed my entire cock and staring up at me, I'd never had a girl-friend do that, then you know what happened next, you'd only sucked on me maybe a minute, when I was telling you that I was going to ejaculate, as I squirted and moaned, you told me that you wanted me to watch as every bit of my cum shot into your mouth, that's all I could do as I did just that, what even really impressed me was how you savored and swallowed all of it, no girl-friend ever did that.

Then you got up, got a wash cloth, then told me that you'd suck my cock every day if I wished as you washed my cock with the wash cloth. 

You then walked over threw the wash cloth in the sink, walked passed to the door, wiggled your bottom at me and just said " I warn you though, if I see you again I'll be begging you to shove that big black cock up inside my bottom bare no condom and fuck the man out of me".

I can honestly say, I figured I let you give me a blow-job and that would be it!, yet you made me feel so appreciated by how you treated me, I wanted to let you suck my cock everyday cause I knew you needed it."


This isn't his exact words yet close, and the meaning he conveyed to me was, he valued having someone like me who would sexually pleasure him, it was ok that I'd be his slut.

And he did fuck me silly two nights later, then started having me come to his place at 6;30 am every other day, and give him a morning blow-job, and it was fucking me at least 3 nights a week, sometimes every night.

He was very aware that I needed feminized as often as possible, I told him if he had a girl friend who might like pegging me with a strap-on dildo, or she wanted to just watch as I sucked his cock, I was available.

 Actually the photo below;

       is from a video he filmed so he could show a girlfriend of his me sucking him


Me getting feminized by a Top man

I love being feminized by a Male dog or human male as females watch

 6-14-2022 to be continued;