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My Symptoms- Cuckold/Troilism Disorder

"Because being a sissy cuckold for a dominate polyandrist female has always been the role I felt that was best for me, I really almost consider being a submissive caged sissy cuckold as my primary sexually orientation"

                   More then anything, I need cuckolded by a female

                                                    I care deeply for, love

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From the above writing where Satadru the black history teacher suggests that the husband is identifying with his wife and vicariously experiences his homosexual desires. 

This how I am, a female friend of mine would in essence become a ally for me, my desire would be to have my female friend ask her male lover(bull) to treat me like a female sexually as well while she watched me being feminized and emasculated (by me performing fellatio on her bull, and the bull penetrating me anally).

I've been in the above situation with two different females in my lifetime and it was extremely feminizing and emasculating for me, however it is also why I can't be in a intimate, romantic relationship with a female because I know I will soon want her to start cuckolding me, once that occurred in my two experiences the relationship soon ended, my female friends developed long term relationships with the bull.(The dominant man engaging with the cuckold's partner is called a "bull").

Living vicariously for myself is a very inherit part of being a third-gender type female-roled male.

This is one of the reasons that I feel made being a female-surrogate partner for my dogs and equine partners was so Ideal for me, they didn't care that I was a male, they treated me sexually just as they would a female of their own species.

I think because I routinely watched my mom having sex with my step-father from the time I was 6 years old until he left when I was 12 years old, I knew then I wanted to be in her role, and have a man treat me like she was being treated.

I started having sex with my Aunt Becky when I was 12 as well, yet I also was having sex with all her boyfriends, all of whom were between 13 to 16 years old, they all treated me like a girl, but I also got to watch them having sex with Aunt Becky and my Mom as well, I really liked being with mom as the guys had sex with her, seeing them make her climax, feel good or watching her suck cock, or her and I sucked a guys cock together.

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Aunt Becky about it, plus Kevin would often come with me to spend weekends here at the farm with Aunt Becky, the three of us would go skinny dripping alot, soon Aunt Becky and Kevin started making love, I would be with them always".

Elle replies, "there is the cuckold thing again, did you perform fellatio on Kevin in from of Aunt Becky?".

Michael replies, "yes, very often, simply because I did so often, it might be as we were all down here swimming or just hanging out at the house, none of us needed to hide our sexuality".

Elle says, "when did you and Aunt Becky start making love?".

Michael replies, "I was publicly humiliated at school after someone started spreading the word that I was performing fellatio and being penetrated by guys, the word spread through school like wild fire, kids were yelling in the hall ways things like "Michael likes guys, Michael lets guys fuck him etc., I wanted to quit school. I developed severe checking, obsessive thoughts type OCD shortly after, which was nearly unbearable, that is when Aunt Becky stepped in and simply told mom that I was coming to the farm and live, and in turn start going to a new school, I was post-puberty so I was ejaculating or call it sexually mature, we were always skinny dipping in the lake together, it was just happened, it seems so natural for Aunt Becky and I to just start having sexual intercourse routinely even though I'm attracted to males, having sex with Aunt Becky was very intimate, it was a way I could make her feel good, then after mom divorced my step father, which was about a year after I'd moved out to live with Aunt Becky, mom started coming out to go swimming, and well when you go swimming here! your naked, and mom liked laying out nude. Well by being here amongst us, all the Jensen guys, myself, Johnny, Susan, Caroline, and Jensen mom and daughters and us all having sex together it wasn't long before mom was a member of the group and having sex with all the Jensen guys, Johnny, then her and I started having full intercourse ,it turned out being the most wonderful experience, she felt the same way, we both very much enjoyed having intercourse with each other, thus we coninued to until she died suddenly of a heart defect in 1986". 
Elle replies, "I'm so sorry Michael, I did want to ask you if you had any thought of sucide after the publicly humiliation?".

Michael replies, "once the OCD started and had persisted for about 6 months, and I feared I was losing my mind, going insane, yes then I began to feel that simply could no longer live in such away, so I very much owe my life to Aunt Becky for taking me with her".

Elle says, "I can't even imagine how deeply you must love her, can I ask, did you make love to Aunt Becky until she died?"
Michael replies, "yes, once her and I started making love, we always made love, usually at least 5 times a week, often more".

Elle says, "do you recall ever feeling jealous while seeing Aunt Becky and your mom having sex with other guys".

Michael replies, "no, why would I?, I loved seeing the guys make them feel good".

Elle replies, "good point, why would you seems a silly question when one realizes how much you loved each other, actually it seem a stupid question".

Michael replies, "yet it is what our society must think, our that question would not exist correct?, plus I'm a sissy cuckold type, I also know if Aunt Becky and mom were alive today we'd be lovers (myself performing cunninglingus on them), and we'd be lovers for the rest of our lives the bond we had was as strong as any bond between two human beings that I can imagine".

                          " As a cuckold I have to love my Cuckoldress "

                                    (it's important that my cuckoldress want me in that role)

                                      (wants me to serve her male lovers in a female receptive role)

                                         (for my cuckoldress I perform cunninglingus on her only)

One thing for me that is very defined is, as a cuckold, the female that I am watching have sex with another man, I have to deeply care for/love, I'd have no interest in being a voyeur and watching a unknown couple have sex, I don't care to watch porn, it isn't a turn on for me, yet watching my close friend Elle, my Mom, and my Aunt Becky cuckold me was extremely important to watch them having sex with other men and seeing the men pleasuring them. 

I've always had a strong need to belong to and serve a female cuckoldress as her Valet or Lackey (maleservant) in a polyandry partnership, where I'm a sissy cuckold in chastity for my cuckoldress, and she has as many sexual partners as she desires. I serve my cuckoldress anyway she desires me to; sexually and non-sexually. For my cuckoldress's lovers I serve them in a 100% receptive female role by performing fellatio or by being penetrated anally.

Technically I am a "Troilist"

The behavior of voluntarily and knowingly inducing one’s

partner to perform sexual acts with other people, to receive

emotional and sexual gratification, is labeled with the English

term (but of French derivation) improper, derogatory and

incorrect of “cuckolding”, also if the correct terminology of

clinical matrix is “troilism” [1,2].

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Why I feel that I am a "Troilist"

 I am inadequate as a male partner for a female, I have no desire to perform sexually like a man, I only desire to perform sexually in the female-role, and be a receptive partner for heterosexual males, yet primarily I desire to be a female-surrogate partner for large intact male dogs and intact male equines, I've always been mostly sexually attracted to large intact male dogs and intact male equines. My primary sexual orientation is "female-roled receptive zoosexual"

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