snapshot20201212121724 - Copy.jpg

Myself as a " Female-roled male "

I love to sexually pleasure a Man who accepts me as Female-roled, and can perform as a True Man for me, as I wish so much to perform like a female for him.

The following article, defines pretty much how I relate to being a "Transsexual" type person. ;

12-19-2020

 I came this across this research article ; 

"Some Psychodynamic Aspects of Transsexual,
Homosexual and Transvestite Patients
Presenting Themselves to a Psychiatric Gender Clinic"

by G. J. SA R WE R - F 0 N E R, M. D. / http://jaapl.org/content/jaapl/7/3/249.full.pdf

 " Introduction "

In recent years there has been an increase in the number of people who see
themselves as needing sex change surgery. The fact that a diagnostic error
can lead to irreversible surgical damage makes it necessary for all
psychiatrists, but particularly forensic psychiatrists, to have better
knowledge of such patients. This paper presents an overview of some of the
significantly pertinent facts, diagnostic and psychodynamic, that one finds in
many of these patients.
In the Gender Identity Clinic of the Department of Psychiatry, Ottawa
General Hospital, University of Ottawa School of Medicine, I have been the
senior psychiatric consultant, whose function is, as a psychoanalyst, to
interview these patients independently of the psychiatric and medical service
teams studying them. Two particular efforts are made in addition to the
general and dynamic formulations: (1) to obtain a psychiatric history,
establish a diagnosis and a psychodynamic fonnulation; and (2) to see if
those patients, who do have profound psychiatric problems, might benefit

from sex change surgery; or if, instead, they might be motivated to enter
intensive psychiatric and therapeutic exploration of their problems, rather
than being accepted or rejected for surgical or other procedures.
All of these patients have been interviewed in one or more psychodynamic
diagnostic sessions lasting from one to several hours. Some of these patients
went through other therapeutic sessions aimed at exploring their desire for,
motivation for, and ability to undertake psychotherapy.
The following comments are generalizations on some unique factors seen
in the different overall diagnostic grouping of such persons. Like all
generalizations they are overall statements which may only more or less fit a
particular case. 

                              " Some Aspects of Overt Male Homosexuality
                           Pertinent to a Discussion of Transsexuality "

       Overt male homosexuality is a spectrum or range of conditions. 

  It differs in the intensity of its presence from one person to another, and differs in
many of its manifestations. Individual study of each person permits some of
the differences to emerge. Overt homosexual activity in males may also
differ in the nature of the attachment to overt homosexuality as a sexual
expression itself - thus the sexual object may be fantasized as being
completely feminine, completely masculine, or with various degrees of
admixture. Thus the nature of the fantasies, the patterns of stimulation,
excitement and discharge of the sexual act differ. The homosexuality may
differ, in the attachment of sexual expression to the anus, for example, to
the genitals as a whole, or to the male body as a whole, etc. I merely
illustrate here some of the wide range of differences in people, all of whom
see themselves as overtly "gay" or "homosexual."
Despite the range of variation and differences, there are common elements
in male overt homosexuals. One of these is that they "love" or "sex bond"
to someone like themselves, i.e., a body like "the one they know." For some
this represents a process of sexually completing their "selves" with another
body that is like their own, or with a less mature or younger version, or a
more mature, older version of themselves (symbol of father, brother, etc.).
For example, there can in some cases be a great deal of tender lovingness for
a symbolic young self, as well as aspects of symbolically degrading "father"
in some of the fantasies and sexual acts.
Important here are the human relational difficulties inherent in the
intrapsychic aspects of controlling, dominating, or submitting to another
human being at an anal level, involving not just an anal sexual act but also
the fantasies that are stimulated by any kind of anal "play" (be it
heterosexual or homosexual): fantasies that are by their inherent anal
nature, ambivalent and ambitendent; that become controlling and aggressive;
and that are linked with the infantile memories of bowel training.
(Grunberger (1959).) They emerge in all aspects of this type of relationship,
along with feelings of needing to control, degrade, totally own, possess; or
conversely, needing to be possessed and totally owned. These can form
sado-masochistic bonds. Such are some of the factors that make the enduring
(over time) of some homosexual relationships difficult, and contribute in no
small measure to the impermanence of many of these relationships.
Etiologically, an absent, weak, or non-existent father is seen as important
for the development of overt homosexuality in some. In some who
demonstrate sadomasochistic homosexual relationships, a distant, not really
present, but ambivalent, weak and often physically violent father is part of
the picture. Feminine identification of a hostile kind, with a woman who is
domineering, aggressive and rejecting of males, is often seen, and is inevitably
a hostile identification (i.e., such males hate the female in themselves as well
as outside themselves). Here, however, the identification is with a woman and
with her capacities; but "a horror" of the female body, and fear of what a
female can do to a more submissive, obdurant, difficult, or hated male whose
body is vulnerable, become important etiological factors in some.
The above is not meant as a complete summarization of all etiological
factors in male homosexuality, but mentions a few key ones so that we can
contrast them with some of the ones seen in transsexual and transvestite
patients. 

                          I can't relate to above - at least not much

                                     " Some Aspects of Overt Male Homosexuality 

                                       Pertinent to a Discussion of Transsexuality "

                  " Transsexualism "  

     Transsexualism, by contrast to the above, can be characterized in males by
a relatively unconflicted, and reasonably complete, intrapsychic
identification with a female, so that the resulting person, personality, and
indeed self-image is seen as being female
- but in a male body.


        The male  body is perceived and accepted as present; i.e., it exists; but it is seen as
something undesirable or "wrong." It is the undesirability of this body that
is attacked or rejected intrapsychically, or the adequacy of it as a body
denied, in those who suffer from transsexuality. This important intrapsychic
state of personal feminine identity is discordant with the physical body
image of a male. This view of oneself as female is egosyntonic for these
patients, is relatively conflict-free in the true transsexual (who has these
factors in relatively pure culture), and offers to the patient his ego,
reality-testing and social problem resolving capacities for dealing with this
problem - since the intrapsychic identity is seen as female, and it is the
body that is seen as non-complying and wrong. This sets up an intrapsychic
split between parts of such a patient's intrapsychic identity versus his body;
he takes one series of ambivalent and negative attitudes toward his physical
being, while more loving feelings are kept for the feminine identity. Since his
intrapsychic identity as a female is solid, it is the male body which he sees as
not conforming to his needs. He thus centers his attack on his male body and
its bodily structure, rather than on the intrapsychic identity, which remains
for him egosyntonic and is therefore seen as being characterologically
correct, habitual and "normal."
Etiologically, Green (1976, 1973, 1975), Stoller (1968, 1970) and others
have studied the psychodynamic identificational aspects of such people,
using psychoanalytic clinical techniques. A fairly typical situation consists of
a mother with a male child, who in some cases did not want the child, or
desired a girl child. This mother has ambivalent personal sexual
identifications, or has important unresolved sexual conflicts, not so much
about being female rather than male, but about the problem of being a
"penisless" woman. (This is different from not wanting to be a girl.) Most of
these mothers feel reasonably good about being women, but they still feel
like women who are missing or lacking something by not also having penises
as women (Sarwer-Foner (1963) (i.e., "women should also have penises").
This feeling is a central ambivalent and unresolved conflict for them. There is
in such persons a certain envy of some aspects of masculinity, but many such
females are not unhappy to be women; it is merely that unconsciously they
would feel more complete as persons if, as part of being a woman, they also
had some kind of penis of their own for "use as a woman," to complete
whatever might otherwise be absent in them. In other words, such a woman
might become "a perfect woman" by also having a penis. Her boy child is
unconsciously seen as being able to complete her feminine identity by
offering a potentially feminized phallus for her (Stoller (1970».
In brief, these male patients have not been given the corrective experience
by their mothers when they adopted the social role, mannerisms, and 
therefore bits and pieces of the personal identity of the person opposite to
their biological sex. Male children were not sent by such mothers the
corrective cues that they were boys, but rather were encouraged to identify
unconsciously with Mother. When this process is long-lasting, usually also in
the presence of an absent, or a present but passive, dependent, erring or
inadequate father, the boy concerned often adopts the mannerisms and

sexual identity of a girl. I am alluding to cases without any
pseudohermaphroditism or biological intersexuality (Money (1968), Stoller
(1968) - where the parents believed the patient to be of the correct bodily
sex, whose social and other behavior they were encouraging). Rather, I am
alluding to patients who are encouraged by mother to be like her, despite
being apparendy biologically normal boys. In such cases, when seen as adults
or adolescents in a sex gender identity clinic, they present themselves with
all the psychic identity of a girl. In the cases seen by us, a high proportion of
the males were already taking female hormones, had had plastic operations
(e.g., silicone injections and implants for b~easts, etc.), had had depilatory
procedures for facial and other bodily hair, and in many cases had
cross-dressed as female for one to many years. These patients showed no
guilt about feelings (already described by other authors) that they were
women trapped in men's bodies. Their mannerisms and social behavior were
characteristic of their sexual identity. 

                                             " Narcissism and Exhibitionalism"

 

As a child, the narcissist is often well loved, sometimes adored and doted
on, is given a lot of attention, and, on his part, forms a real attachment to
mother, and a reasonably good ego in that sense. It is important to realize
that the child has a perception of himself as a very important person in his
own right, one that merits a lot of attention and love centered on his needs.
As adults, many of these people show self-centeredness and narcissistic
immaturity, particularly as to bodily or "value of my productions"
exhibitionalism. Many see themselves (for these dynamic motivations as
opposed to more mature reasons) as actresses, theatrical performers -
perhaps performers in strip tease or female impersonators. They are
particularly aware of physical grooming and appearance. Many are, for these
narcissistic reasons, hairdressers or workers in other occupations coping with
their own or other people's bodily needs - where to be pretty or correct, to
dress properly is valued. Many are extremely self-centered people with a
limited ability to relate other than about themselves. This raises the
theoretical suggestion (one I cannot prove, but one which should be looked
into) that the narcissistic preoccupation of their mothers with someone
"exacdy" like themselves, and therefore the children's necessary
preoccupation with imitating and entirely enjoying playing at being
preoccupied with themselves - "I am like mother" - limits in a fixating way
their capacity to develop more externalized object relationship capacity. I do
not mean that they have no relationship capacities, for these patients can be
seductive or outgoing, and have quite normal egos in other areas; but their
intense preoccupation with their bodies and themselves, and the amount of
energy that they place into this preoccupatio·n, colours all their interpersonal
relationships. To put it simply, they are more concerned with what "I am" (meaning what they are) than with the capacity to relate to others - even
when they do relate to others. Some have little ability for real intrapersonal
relationships. (This becomes part of the selfcentering preoccupations with aU
aspects of exhibitionalism, concern with their body, its functioning and care;
so often seen in such patients.) 

                                            " Valuelessness of Maleness " 

When the little boy plays "as mother" with mother's things, or shows
tendencies to identify with mother, no corrective signals or corrective
experiences are sent (such as "Boys don't do this," etc.). Mother seems to
enjoy her little boy's playing at being mother or at being a girl, and subtly
encourages it, never sending the corrective signals "You are a boy, boys are
different from girls in some ways, boys don't do this, boys do X and Y."
Rather, instead of corrective signals, there are clear indications that mother
enjoys, indeed values, likes and prefers the more complete feeling of
closeness and bonding to her expressed in the boy's attempting to be like
her. These approving messages are clearly sent to the young boy. Here, there
is no inherent respect for the maleness, or the value of maleness, or
boyhoodness, or manhood, as such. It is all subtly rejected.
By contrast, some fatherless boys, but ones who have more normal
mothers, are sent messages by their mothers that they are boys; and thus,
even in the absence of a father, it is clear that such boys become boys
(because mother sends the message that maleness in its own right is
important, and being a properly able man is important, is respected ana is
desired for him by his mother). This encouragement, even in a fatherless
boy, sets up a gestalt, or inserts at least a dream, a fantasy or the ideal of
some maleness that is desirable and necessary, a feeling that somewhere
maleness can be sought and acquired. Such boys look desperately around for
male identificational figures, and also adapt to mother's images and
expectations of maleness in them. These are important factors for male
identity when present.
By contrast, in the transsexual male patients, such an attitude is totally
absent in their mothers, the opposite being true. Here there are no signals, no
attitudes, no demonstrations, conscious or unconscious, of overtly valuing
maleness as such.
The future transsexual boy is in close fusion with the
admiration of his mother, and needs and desires the femininity and
feminineness of her, and identifies with her.
Thus the boy feels from the
earliest times on that it is correct to feel feminine and to be female.
In such cases, any organic factors - endocrinological, somatic tendencies
to intersexual states, interference with endocrine-regulating mechanisms
(Money (1968), Stoller (1968» - which may be present, even in a "frust" or
subtle form, will interact with and accent the developmental problems. This
statement is made here because of reports, seen as controversial by some, but
nevertheless incapable of refutation by present data, of the presence of
subtle, frust (i.e., small or minimal) biological factors that push in the
direction of endocrine, chromosomal or other organic difficulties (Koranyi
(1976), Mackenzie (1978), Hoenig (1979». A significant number of the
patients seen (as many as 25%) may be affiliated with some such condition.
I t should hardly surprise anyone that if organic factors operating towardsdiffusion or inversion of sexual role are present, they will interact with,
reinforce, and be reinforced in their turn by the above-mentioned
developmental intrapsychic environmental factors.
As already stated,
overt male homosexuals often have an absent father, or
a weak passive one, with a strong domineering mother;
or as another set, a
devalued aggressive, hostile, alcoholic, or violent father who is seen as
undesirable. This background sometimes also exists in transsexual patients,
but in many transsexual people it is remarkable how often the father is
present in the family (Sarwer-Foner (1963», alive and active with the family,
but is seen in the family as of no importance, and as passive in the
child-rearing role; or as submissive; or as an "absent figure" in the sense that
the father is just an auxilIary mother, or
someone who leaves the care of the
children totally to her, may sometimes be a passive breadwinner who comes
home tired and exhausted, or is himself a weak, faintly present, dominated
man.
The point I am trying to make is that father is often present in the
family, and later is sometimes accepting of the transsexual state of his
offspring. The important point is that the father is not seen as an active,
intrapsychically important individual, and
he plays little role in sending
corrective messages in the formative years of the boy's sexual identity
. Thus
the boy ends up having a rather complete identification with mother -
including his sexual identity with mother in terms of passive receptivity, or
of active seduction of a more passive male, symbolizing his "real" dad.
Thus, such children feel feminine. They are enormously preoccupied with
(and indeed succeed in dealing with) their own appearance and the way their
whole bodies look. Their femininity is egosyntonic, with gestures that are
female. Feeling female and seeing themselves as physically female, they feel
uncomfortable when seen as male. It is the completeness of the
above-mentioned process that is clinically striking in the typical "true"
transsexual who has the above-mentioned factors in full measure. The male
genitalia and maleness of the male body are not valued. Indeed they are seen
as repugnant, or as a burden to be borne until it can be shaken off. Such
patients often complain that their maleness is "an error of nature," and that
something "went wrong with my body." They do not see the problem as
"something gone wrong with my mind."

When as adults, suffering from transsexual identity, they get involved in
overt adult sexual experiences, or as children in sex play, they will value the
relationship to a male body as a whole, but will not be particularly interested
in their own male genitalia.
They often make a verbal distinction between
themselves as transsexuals, and overt homosexuals (in an overtly homosexual
relationship).
They will say, for example, of their male, adult (homosexual)
partner, "He is not a homosexual, he never touches my penis, he is not
interested in my genitals,
" the implication being that he loves their female
selves and that the transsexual's male genitals are not what is valued. Such
patients will use this distinction as evidence that the other person is not
homosexual and that they themselves are not homosexual either ;

                                                    - just
                              "females in male bodies. "

            "I very much feel as the above paragraph portrays"

                                                 

 

                                " Less Suitable Surgical Candidates "

A word should be said about those patients who present themselves because they have read or heard of sexual surgery for transsexuals, but who
do not in fact fit the above-mentioned rather pure picture in important
respects and are much less clear-cut candidates for sex change surgery. These
are patients who initially make the same request, stating that they are
"women trapped in men's bodies" - and that they want "to change their
sex." They are of various ages. Several of our cases had been married - one
of our cases had had children; another of our cases was living and having
heterosexual sex with a woman who was bitterly upset by his condition,
knowing that he was coming to our Clinic with the hope he could get sex
change surgery. (He, in a narcissistic and self-centered way, expressed his
intellectual awareness of the grief his wife was undergoing, but explained
that it was important to him to attempt this change.) Many of these patients
did not show the overwhelming unconscious identification with being a
woman. One felt that some of these patients were diagnostically Borderline
Personality Organization patients not sure of their identity, but looking for
solutions (Sarwer-Foner (1977». Others were passive-aggressive obsessional
males with much female as compared to male identification, fixated largely
at the anal level of functioning, both sexually and psychodynamically,
particularly in terms of trying to control, or to submit themselves to
someone else's control; they were looking for socially acceptable
rationalizations for their overt homosexual activities or tendencies. Several
of these patients had enjoyed anal sexual activities with other males, as well
as social activities as a "transsexual" with males and females, and had been
doing so for years. They did not, however, see themselves as "homosexuals."
They rather preferred to see themselves as "transsexuals," i.e., to believe that
nature had made a mistake - a kind of morally needed rationalization for
their overt homosexual conflicts and desires, particularly of an anal kind.
This was the main unconscious - and in many cases, conscious - motivation
for their desire to seek surgical sexual transformation.

Inevitably we were very cautious with such patients, reserved in our
recommendations, did not easily lend ourselves to recommending them
rapidly for surgery. Rather, the conservative approach, suggested I think by
all Gender Identity Clinics, was followed. The patients were asked whether
they wished to go into psychotherapy, and the possibility was explored with
them. Usually it was refused as not acceptable by most of these patients.
These were then asked to see if they could live in a cross-dressed situation
for a long time. Female hormonal treatment was tentatively suggested. Some
of these patients 00 not stand up to the rigors of these procedures, and it is
best to be really cautious in case one produces irreparable harm. Some of the
consequences that can occur when this happens are recorded in the
literature.
Another category of such patients is the patient with poor ego and poor
body image, confusion in his psychosexual identity, often asexual; or with
homosexual sexual activity, and often with very little sexuality in it. There is
also the patient who is a "homosexual seducer" and feels guilty about it, and
seeks surgery for relief of his guilt in this regard.
In such patients the prognosis could be guarded if they underwent sexual
change operations; and the most extreme caution is indicated (along the lines
already mentioned) with such cases. 

I t is true that some very femininely identified, overt male homosexual
people (not true transsexuals), who would prefer sex change operations to
justify their homosexual behavior, and who can cross-dress and live as
females and be happy in the role changes, can, in some cases, make good
surgical sex change subjects. The point is that they make less good surgical
subjects; success with them is less certain, and many problems occur later in
some of these patients. They therefore offer significant risk in what is an
irreversible surgical procedure. This point is of great clinical and legal
significance. 

                                   " Pre-Psychotic Patients "

Another type of patient who sometimes presents as a candidate for
surgery is a patient who is in a prepsychotic state (usually a paranoid one),
sometimes with severe depressive illness, schizoaffective, or manic-depressive
(bipolar) (Mackenzie (1978» illness, but illness that is not in an overtly
manifest form at the time they are ssen. They often show, rather than the
true transsexual identification, a compulsive desire to "get rid" of their
genitalia, because their genitalia are "a burden." Their aim is not really to
change sex - they "want these damn things off," meaning the penis and the
testicles, and it is this accent, rather than a truly rather complete feminine
identification, that is the clinical issue. Sometimes such patients have had
previous heterosexual experiences, and occasionally, a great deal of
heterosexual sex life. They come troubled by their penis and testicles, by the
various symbolic meanings they have for them, and ask to be changed "into
a female." Exploration of their identifications, however, shows less of a
complete intrapsychic identification with the female, than anger,
ambivalence or hostility toward the "burden" put on their lives by their
sexual impulses (both aggressive and libidinal) as they see them emerge
through or represented by their penis and testicles. It is clinically risky to
operate on such patients. They sometimes show the same kind of
post-operative evolution towards paranoid states, depressive illness, and
homicidal or suicidal potential as many other patients who ask that their
faces be lifted, their breasts be changed, or their noses be altered, with many
of the same psychodynamics, both displaced onto the face, breasts or nose in
the other patients. Plastic surgeons, and occasionally psychiatrists, have
become all too aware of the dangers of operating on such patients when they
are not properly diagnosed.

 

 

                         " Offers of Other than Sex-Change Therapy "

When one attempts in psychoanalytically-oriented interviews with such
patients to explore, study and offer sympathetic psychoanalytically oriented
psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, or other psychotherapeutic treatment to
help them cope with or solve their intrapsychic confusion and intrapsychic
identity problems - in other words, when one offers psychiatric treatment
rather than surgery - it is interesting that transsexual patients are not at all
interested; they want only their sex change surgery. Some of the other
categories of people seen are equally distressed by their bodies and
determined to seek change, but here one can usually find evidence
sufficiently compelling to be able to offer such patients at least the opportunity to look at the other problems in psychotherapy. The really
determined patients, of course, refuse. One is usually able to persuade such
patients to submit themselves to "the test" of living through the experience
of cross-dressing, hormonal treatment, and attempting to live in the roles of
the opposite sex, for a considerable period of time (up to two years) to see
whether this life is possible and satisfying. In some cases this attempt is not
possible, and/or does not satisfy them; and problems emerge which
sometimes (rarely) then allow such patients to accept psychotherapeutic
help. Many such patients, however, live ambivalent and troubled lives in the
cross-dressed and hormonally-induced feminine roles, not happy, but not so
desperately unhappy, either, that they cannot stand it. These are the
difficult cases, often with questionable post-surgical results if one operates;
but many of these patients will persist until they succeed in having surgery
done by someone.
The diagnostic evaluation of patients demands good clinical judgement
and the formal assessment of the risks, as well as sympathetic understanding
of their suffering, and a desire to help realistically. Rarely, one can convince
a patient so conflicted to become accessible to psychotherapy or to
psychoanalysis. This case is the exception rather than the rule.
Psychiatrists have a serious moral obligation to help patients sort out the
nature of their intrapsychic difficulties, and therefore to be able to offer
reasonable therapeutic options, as compared to unreasonable therapeutic
options. The need is for consenting, collaborative attempts, based on a good
therapeutic alliance, to see what psychiatric, physical, and endocrinological
study shows us to be the situation, and thus to be able to offer proper
therapeutic information and guidance. For the selected suitable patient it
may be hormones, cross-dressing, living as a person of the opposite sex, and
functioning in tho.;e roles for a sufficiently long period of time, before
attempting surgery. 

                                        " Some Comments on Transvestism "  

Space precludes a major discussion of transvestism here. (Stoller (1977)
succinctly classified cross-dressers in a very good and brief way.) Only one
aspect of transvestism will, for the purposes of this paper, be mentioned
here. The genuine transvestite values his penis and testicles, at least
unconsciously. He may not value his male persona as such, or may feel that
he "is miserable" functioning as a male, but he is aware of having and
somehow WIshes to retain (i. e., values) his penis and testicles, even if
retaining them is troublesome and he is ambivalent. He may be very anxious
to be taken as a female, may dress as and look to be an attractive female.
One should remember here that transvestite patients offer a spectrum of
unconscious motivations for their cross-dressing - one identifying genuinely
with feminine dress and feminine capacities and valuing them; another
showing a very hostile and ambivalent need to caricature some aspects of
femininity, etc. (Stoller (1977». In all cases, however, the presence of the
penis and testicles is unconsciously valued in their own right. Thus,
psychodynamically, such patients "have a secret" - they know they have the penis and testicles under their skirts. This is a very different intrapsychic
set of factors from those of the characteristically complete transsexual
already discussed. It is quite true that a certain proportion of transvestite
patients evolve in their unhappiness and misery, particularly if they
cross-dress long enough and take hormonal injections, etc., to feeling that
they too want sex change procedures, and would be happier as females.
Some successfully make this transition. The typical transvestite person,
however, has little wish to have a surgical sex change procedure, and sees
himself as living with a partial feminine identity, conflicted but
unconsciously content that he also has a penis and testicles.
 


 

For myself, having a penis is the "wrong", as I only desire to perform like a female sexually, and be 100% receptive for a Man.

  I see myself as male bodied, yet I on't see myself as a "Real Man"

  And if I felt there was a surgeon out there who had the skill to do the zero-depth vaginoplasty surgery for me,to my liking etc., I would have the surgery done to remove my penis,thus then have a female looking vulva.

I've always stressed to male sexual partners, that I only desire to be with non-homosexual men, who can allow me to perform sexually for them in the female-role, if I had sex with a man who identified as homosexual,he still must take the male-roled a 100%, 

 " show no interest in my penis"

I've always requested male sexual partners, call me their girly-boyfriend,treat me as a true female sexually to the best of their ability.

  I can never remember "not" wanting to be like a female sexually.

I'm just so glad that I've never felt as this

Way I like to dress0091.gif

I feel ideally that I'd be best to live in a society with third-gender groups like the Muxe and Fa'afafine males whom are socially accepted within their culture, thus can dress in a feminine way.

myself as Fem-male00071.jpg

I know I've always dreamed of living in a society where a Female-roled , Effeminate, Male like myself could dress in a much more feminine way so we could be our selves publicly.

  I believe I am not so different then most females, in that I desire men to see me as a viable sexual partner, thus be able to ask me out on a date.

      I know I've wanted breast implants for many years, yet have never pursued it, due to fact that being a Female-roled male(transsexual) type person openly in rural America is not wise.

3/1/2020

Being a Sexual Invert (female-roled male)

 

                Sexually my only desire is to be in Female role for a heterosexual male,I have always desired the surgery to

                replace my penis with a female like vulva, mainly it seems for purpose of erasing the male appearance the

                penis represents, and my desire to be feminine.

                                                     

                                   " In essense, though don't understand, I've always felt I should be female "

 

                                           " I've always wanted to be like a female "

       

  I've always wanted to look sexy for a Man, in wish he can treat      me like a female sexually.

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Homosexual transsexual(MtoF)  attracted to Straight men, and Desire to be in Female role sexually (this is the type  transsexual I identify as myself ) see Rod Fleming's site- allabouthsts.com

 

                                          What ever type one may be; First and Foremost it is a " State of Mind ", whether one has surgery,dresses

                                          like the a female (opposite sex) etc. doesn't matter, they have to be respected for the condition they are in,

                                          and not be judged by it.  I am transsexual from standpoint of I wish only to be in " Female Role ", sure I                                                 desire to have surgery, not to have a penis, look as female like as possible with a vulva, yet whether or not

                                          it happens is another thing. So in essense Transsexualism is the " desire to be "

 

                          " And if the most beautiful female(str8) and I were stranded on a island together, and became great friends,

                                 we would both long for a good man to get washed up on the beach , and take us both sexually " -me

For example, in the past when meeting a new man, and we were planning on having sex, I made it very clear to him, I am not "gay" type, I am transsexual type, as I sexually am female like, just have not had surgeries etc. yet I very much wish I was truly a female,and had a vagina,not a penis. I am 100% female like sexually, only difference you have to penetrate me anally, yet I am very conscious about keeping my "bottom" very clean, and very much love being penetrated.

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Metaphorically, I considered myself a Male to Female transsexual because I have for most of my life wanted a female body, and very much have only and always wanted to be in the female sexual role for a heterosexual male (be like a girl friend,wife for a man).

Believe me, being a biological male which has always wanted to be female, has been a very confusing,distressing life.

I very much have always felt I should be female

And I love feeling

Feminine/Lady-like

Sexual Inversion

Sexual inversion was a nineteenth-century theory of homosexuality best described by the pioneering sexologist Karl Heinrich Ulrichs (1825–1895) as anima muliebris virili corpore incluse, or, a woman's soul confined within a man's body. In the nineteenth century, sexual inversion, homosexuality, and antipathic sexuality were interchangeable terms. The "inversion" in sexual inversion referred to the inverted, or upside-down, quality of a body that did not reflect the "true" essence of its possessor. The truth of the invert was inside rather than on the surface; thus a male invert was "really" a woman, and should be allowed to express a female gender, and a female invert was "really" a man, and should be allowed to dress and live as one.

Inversion also referred to the ways in which such bodies inverted the laws of nature, which supposedly decreed that male bodies should desire female sexual partners instead of male ones, and vice versa. The theory of sexual inversion maintained conventional categories of sexuality and gender and did not allow one to be divided from the other. Inversion meant that a man's homosexual desires, effeminacy, or both did not challenge masculine gender or heterosexual sexual norms; rather, a perfectly normal heterosexual woman with a feminine gender was trapped inside him, yearning to come out.- encyclopedia.com      

I personally see myself as a 100% emasculated and psycho-sexually female like, a great desire to be as feminine as possible

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This type modern Art represents me well, in that I have always been and want to be a Fem-boy,Fem-male and 100% female sexually roled

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I have always desired not to have a penis,        and have a female like " vulva "

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I have been posing for Art lifedrawing classes since 1998, due to my love for art ,yet Posing is a way to way to express my sexual inversion and extreme feminine nature in a productive way I feel, and has greatly helped me in a psychological way deal with the dilemma of what , I prefer to be seen as ;         "A Female roled male "

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After years of trying to be in the male sexual role for a female, be a normal male, I found it is very distressing, when in my heart I need to be in the female role for a "normal heterosexual male ". Thus it is very un-fair to any female I tried to, or would try to be with, as a normal male, she needs, not someone like myself who themselves wants to be like a female sexually for a Man.

   I can't claim why myself or any male becomes or is a sexual invert (sexually female-roled), yet after comparing both roles, the female-role is completely right for me, only role that I feel good in, want to be, I have no desire to be like a Man sexually.

I don't know how many nights ,upon going to bed, I've wished I'd awake without a penis and  look similar to a female, so a man might like having sex with me better, see me much more female like.

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Offering

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I don't desire to be female, pass as female, I only desire to appear feminine, and very sexually receptive for a man in the " Female-Role "

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I always wanted my men to refer to me as their " girly- boyfriend " ,a fem-boy or fem-male, I have always tried to explain that I am a " wanna be " transsexual ,in that I don't like having a penis, and with I had vagina so I could have sex better and psychologically I am fully emasculated,in that I have no desire to be like a man sexually.

"Sexually ! "

           "Type of Girl I wanted to be and feel like inside"

 

I grew  up watching Jodi Foster, and Marianne of Gilliigan's Island on T.V, I always wanted to be a girl like them, and am Tomboyish, country, just plain down to nature type " girl "

            "Jodi Foster was like a role model ,even today"

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I just know, I wish I had a female like " vagina " so I could perform sexually in the female role better,yet also know, that isn't a "Reality"

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For example; If I seen her in real life,  as she is above, I wouldn't be aroused,sexually excited,yet I very much admire her body, and would love to have a body like her's, yet mainly have vulva/vagina as  she does.

The symbolically  element of Hermaphrodite

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As much as I identify with the symbolically  element of Hermaphrodite sculptures, I still realize that they don't completely describe my feelings of wanting to be female like in the way of having a " vulva " and not a penis, I very much have felt having breasts  symbolically express my " femininity", my desire to be only as a female sexually

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I've always wished to perform like a female for a man

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" Ideally" for myself , simply just the symbolism of having a vulva and not having a penis reflects that I am completely emasculated and " female-roled " sexually.

I never have had any desire to " Pass as a female " ,wear make-up.wigs,high-heels etc.

My main desire, is to be as feminine as possible for a man.

Perform as well as possible to sexually please him.

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Ideally ,if I am to create a Hermaphrodite type sculpture, it would be similar to this above

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I've always wanted to have dreamed of having a female like vagina, so I could take a man's penis up inside my body like a real female can, as much as I love taking a man up in me anally, it is demanding to keep my bottom clean and ready for penetration, and then seeing myself with a penis doesn't reflex my sexual role,which is 100% female.  Also due to fact some men don't like the idea of anal sex, I had many men let me perform " fellatio " on them, yet refused to penetrate me anally, some expressing the concern that it was too! homosexual like.

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As a " "Female-Roled male " my role with/for a man is to " Perform " for him sexual as though I am female.Some what like a " catamite " (In its modern usage, the term catamite refers to a boy as the passive or receiving partner in anal intercourse with a man) In my case, I wish I had a vagina though,so I could perform better in the female roled.

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Above image,

Customer and a prostitute illustrated on an ancient Greek wine cup; an act of prostitution is indicated by the coin purse above the figures.

  My duty has always been to sexual pleasure men, in return they emasculate me, and I am getting "Cock" which I so much desire.Though I wasn't getting paid money, it was a mutual trade,I was getting sexual attention from many men,(they knew they could have sex with me as often as they liked)and I wanted it constantly and tried to see as many guys a day as I possible could for many years.

I always felt myself to be prostitute like ,as all the men whom I'd see was for sex, they wanted a blow-job,hand-job,or to bone me.

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I know if the surgery had been realistic,attainable,practical in 1998, I had it done,so I could look and function sexually like a female, and not have to deal with getting my bottom clean every time I'd get boned.

As well as I have never liked having a penis,in my eyes having a vagina fits me much better due to fact that I have always desired to perform sexual like a girl.

I have always dreamed of a day when I could tell a man that ;" I look male,but I have a vagina like a lady !, would you like to see it and try it out ? "

I tried to surpress my femininity, my desire to be a man's girly-boyfriend , yet I am so highly feminized and emasculated the only role I can be in is the female role.

Like a "berdache" I identify, for example excerpts from "--and we are still here": from berdache to two-spirit people"

About the same time the word appeared in French as bardache... and refers to the passive homosexual partner(FN19) (alternative spellings from Jacobs(FN20) and elsewhere have been inserted in brackets).

The term has also been translated as "kept boy" or "male prostitute."(FN21) The Oxford English Dictionary cross-references "berdache" to "catamite," which is translated as "a boy kept for unnatural purposes." With this etymology, it should come as no surprise that some contemporary Native Americans and First Nations people have come to consider the term berdache derogatory and insulting to the image and identity of gay, lesbian, transgender, and other two-spirit people.

The French term bardache gets transliterated to berdache by later writers who enter it into the anthropological literature. There are also instances of the word being spelled as follows: broadashe, bundosh and bowdash, berdach, berdash, bredache, bredaches, bardash, berdêches, bird-ash, birdashes, bradaje, among others (this list comes largely from Will Roscoe's 1993 compilation "Frontier Terms for Two-Spirits";(FN22) see also Williams,(FN23) Roscoe,(FN24) and contemporary dictionaries). Regardless of its spelling, the word berdache has been used in anthropological writings not to imply that the individuals so labeled were kept boys or male prostitutes, but to refer to what the writers perceived to be transvestitism, homosexuality, hermaphrodism, and transgenderism as institutions viewed positively in Native American and First Nations cultures.(FN25). 

On some reservations, feminine boys are used sexually by married men. In studies of male juvenile prostitutes in Seattle, Washington, it is primarily heterosexual adult males who seek out boys for passive anal and oral sex.(FN42) In both Seattle and on reservations, such behavior is negatively sanctioned. It is not glamorous; it is not romantic; it is "sex for survival." These boys (aged nine to seventeen) are berdaches in the literal, original meaning of the word: boys used for sexual purposes. The married "heterosexual" men on reservations who engage in sex with boys(FN43) retain their heterosexual status; they are never considered to be bisexual or homosexual. In some urban gay settings, these men are commonly called "Men who have Sex with Men (MSMs).".

For myself ,for example between 1998-2005 I served a group of men(tribe) sexually anywhere from 20 to 100 men were using me sexually for a blow-job, hand-job or fucking my bottom , thus it wasn't uncommon to get used by 2 - 4 men daily at times.

Alot of the men would tell me that liked to see me because they knew I liked to swallow their sperm, or some times a guy who was very well hung would tell me that I was the only person they'd found who could take his big cock completely up inside themselves, as well as take them bare, and take their ejaculation.

I tried to be available 24/7 at least for performing fellatio on the men, and as often as the wanted, many guys for example I would suck their cocks 4-5 times weekly at times.

Actually if I could of pulled it off, I would of had sex with as many men as possible every day and not worked as a carpenter.

I actually concieved of idea , I called the " Indigo club ", the idea was I meet aprox. 100 married straight men, screened for "std's ", I have a nice place the men could come see me so I could sexually pleasure them. The men's wives must be consenting, are welcome to watch as I perform for their man, the men could only use me sexually by boning me,me sucking their cock or hand job (no touching my penis or showing interest in my penis) This is where me having a functioning vagina would be ideal, as the wives would see that their husbands at least are not interested in me because I have a penis.

                       " I'd more or less be like a eunuch that is sexually female-roled "

    As much as I love having a man's cock up inside my bottom, some times if I can't get myself clean, (fasting is only for sure way , which I'd do on fridays alot so I could get " boned " by as many men as I could over the weekend)

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I had a long time sexual relationship with a male donkey "Edward" , performing fellatio                 on him and having him mount, penetrate and ejaculate in my bottom.

                                                " Lost my virginity with Edward at age 12 "

                 " And ideally my preferred sexual partner is a " jack donkey " like Edward "

              " I can say ,if had to pick ,I'd rather be with a male donkey then a male human "

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I don't see how any one can love having a man bend me over and fuck me silly more then I do !

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Jennie June (autobiographer), is only person like myself whom wanted to perform fellatio on men constantly.

 Lind realized at a young age that she was an androgyne looking to change from male to female.

" June self-identified as a "fairie", "androgyne", "effeminate man", and a passive "invert".

" At the time, the term "transgender" had not been coined; instead words such as "androgyne", "invert", and "fairie" were used. She struggled throughout her life up to her late twenties with her extreme desire to perform fellatio, claiming to have partaken in over sixteen hundred sexual encounters in the span of a dozen years.[4] -      wikipedia

I think if not for the concern of " HIV ", many more men would of been using me for a routine sexual outlet , only real difference between myself and Earl Lind / (Jennie June) is Earl only performed fellatio, where as I took men anally whenever possible, and I only went for a 7 year period, was with many,many over and over. 

 I think alot of the guys whom would only let me suck their cocks, would of started boning me routinely as well.

Once I started doing my " Last Man Standing parties ", I could clearly see there were plenty of men interested in having some one like me to sexually pleasure them routinely.

As well as seen that a Female-roled male like myself could get safely " gang-banged " by a large group of men.

The parties were a great avenue for meeting new straight men, that would continue to see me outside of the parties.

Myself , I've never wished to " pass " as a female, pretend to be female, yet I want a man to help me feel as feminine as possible. All my men knew that I wanted to be treated like a female, thus I defined myself as a fully feminized,emasculated female-roled male

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I never get erect while getting boned, yet like what the above image implies.

In the image below, you can see how much I love sucking cock, I only know I feel so good , pleasing a boyfriend

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Me bending over to get boned

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I'd often dress like this for boyfriends

Maybe it's all due to reading my mom's racy romance novels !, when at puberty age ?

Maybe because from age of 13 to 18 this is how I masturbated,

     Thus this most likely aided in my psychological emasculation

                 Getting boned,

and taking a man's semen up inside me is by far the greatest way to complete psychological emasculation.

                         " Only way I wish to perform "

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For myself, once I started getting boned, having guys ejaculate in me, I found my true role, never had desire to be male sexually roled after, why I define myself as 100% female sexually roled.

I think my modeling for art classes helped me realize that I am completely sexually inverted, helped me realize I have no interest in having sex with females, that I am much more comfortable being with females as friends, non-sexual way.

For example the video below displays some very beautiful females, I could easily pose with them and not be aroused or have any sexual interest.

Yet if a male I was attracted to was in class, I might hope he might be interested in me

I was always very direct / straight forward when asking a guy if he'd be interested in me, I clearly tell them that I am a fem-male, 100% female roled, want a man whom can treat me like a lady. 

For example , I read articles like the following;

                     " Who's the Man? How Being Versatile in Bed Is a Way of Life "

Gay sexual roles are roughly divided into three categories, specifically pertaining to anal sex: tops (those who do the fucking or, speaking clinically, provide "insertive anal intercourse"), bottoms (those who get fucked or experience "receptive anal intercourse"), and versatiles (those who do both). - gawker.com

"Every study I've read that asks men who sleep with men to self-label their role finds that the majority of respondents identify as versatile. This has also been true in my personal experience. It is, in my opinion, the way to be. It is the way to take advantage of the breadth of pleasure that you are offered as a man who sleeps with men."- gawker.com

From my perspective, there is no way I could be a Top or Versatile, I have had quite of few Tops fuck me with very good experince, and if it were not for STD's and HIV, could of been with many more. I think it is very clear in the gay community what the Roles are, yet the Versatiles , I can't relate to. For example if I had sex with a guy that identified as gay, he had to tell me he only performed in "Top" role, I want a man not a fem-male like myself, to myself sucking cock and allowing men to fuck me is as emasculating as I can get. -me

I have asked a few Tops whom I was bottoming for the question ; " What if I got a vaginoplasty, then you could fuck me that way to, does that change your perspective ? Do I need to have a penis ? - me

To myself the following Questions at registrar.ucsc.edu falls short in the sexual orientation realm  implies if not straight your gay or bisexual . This is the very place that " sexual inverted " should be listed ; 

The following is the wording of the gender identity and sexual orientation questions:

Gender Identity

How do you describe yourself? (Mark one answer)

  • Male

  • Female

  • Trans Male/Trans Man

  • Trans Female/Trans Woman

  • Genderqueer/Gender Non­Conforming

  • Different Identity

What sex were you assigned at birth, such as on an original birth certificate? (Mark one answer)

  • Male

  • Female

Sexual Orientation

Do you consider yourself to be: (Mark one answer)

  • Heterosexual or straight

  • Gay

  • Lesbian

  • Bisexual

  • Not listed above (please specify)                    

In addition to indicating Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation, beginning in July 2016 UCSC students will have the ability to indicate their preferred name and preferred pronouns on MyUCSC. For information regarding preferred name please visit: http://registrar.ucsc.edu/faqs/students/personal­info.html.

  A interesting article  ;  How Do I Know if I’m a Bottom?     

How do I know if I am a bottom?

What does being a “bottom” mean to you? Well, first of all, you don’t have to “be” anything. You don’t have to make something you enjoy sexually part of your identity.

I love bottoming and want people I’m sexually interested in to know that. Calling myself a bottom has pros and cons. On one hand, I have an easier time finding tops — guys who enjoy taking the active role in sex. On the other hand, putting myself in a box is frustrating when I want to top. (In my experience, most people are versatile in the right situation, or with the right person — I am.) - just can relate- me

These labels make finding sex partners easier. That’s all they do. They don’t define an essential part of you unless you want them to. Before hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff established these words as standard sex vocabulary, queer men used discreet street coding — colored hankies, certain types of clothing — to discreetly tell each other what kind of sex they were looking for and which role (top or bottom, dominant or submissive) they wanted to take.

These words help sex happen. They are not cages you have to live your life in.

 

 

Why do I feel ashamed of bottoming?               (for myself, I am in the girl role)-me

You’ve probably been told bottoming makes you “the girl,” or makes you “more gay.” We live in a misogynistic, patriarchal culture in which feminized men often get shamed, and men getting fucked is seen by many as the ultimate act of feminization.

Maybe you’re still dealing with some self-acceptance issues, and the concept of being “more gay” is uncomfortable, because you don’t want to be “more gay.” You may not even want to “be gay” at all.

First things first: there is nothing wrong with being feminine. There’s also nothing wrong with being gay. Even if you don’t believe that now, give it time, and spend as much time as you can among your people — other LGBTQ+ folks. We will help you.

What you enjoy sexually says nothing about your social importance, your power, your masculinity, your femininity, your gender identity, your attractiveness, your desirability, or your “worth.” It’s just sex. Enjoy it. Do what feels good.  - www.them.us/story/guide-to-bottoming-part-1

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When I say " Like a Girl ", I mean sexually, to degree I wish I had a vagina/vulva ,because a penis doesn't reflect my sexually identity ,which I'd have to describe similar to Heterosexual female or psychologically I am like a "Heterosexual female".

 For myself , I can't imagine telling others I am a girl, yet I can say , Third-gender, like a berdache, yet for me ;

     " Female-roled male " (sexually)

                         Suits me best

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This image represents me well, in that I love to get " double teamed "

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I guess I worship cock !

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From my experince, many men love having their cocks sucked, and if they treated me right, where clean,kind etc. I was very willing to suck them as often as possible.

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 Providing sexual services to the man or men in the household. (Tribe)

The Science / Dynamics of being Female roled sexually

                         for Heterosexual - Total Top Men

as a pyschologically emasculated male

Roles Must be Established very Clearly

For myself, it's completely about the "Role" one is in, and only desires to be in.  In my case , I can't imagine being anything other then being " 100% Female-roled ", being sexually like a female for a man

 

Thus the only type Man I desire to be with is a Man whom can say he is  " 100% Male-Roled ". This means  he doesn't have interest in my penis !, playing with it ,sucking it .

            At least for me, there are no exceptions to this .

Study Shows Men Attracted to Transgender Women are NOT Gay

  AScientist who specialize in sex and sexuality tested a sample of men using a device that measures the reaction of a mans privates to various visual stimuli.   Men who are attracted to transgender women were not turned on by porn featuring two gay men, but they were turned on by porn featuring women only, and three kinds of “shemale” porn (“Man on Shemale”, “Shemale on Female”, and “Shemale on Shemale”).   So a man who likes transgender women (people born essentially biologically male who are sociologically more like women) does not have to be “at least” bisexual, or really gay but hiding it, or any such thing.   What studies like this hi-lite is the sparse vocabulary most of us have in the USA.  Words for people who are into anything other than straight, heteronormative relationships but are not gay exist.  Most people don’t use them.  The reason for this is a deep need in US culture to have everything follow a nice neat binary classification.

Societal Implications.

 

For all transgender people on of the big life problems is finding a mate.  This is not easy for anyone as the proliferation of dating services, matchmakers, etc shows.  However, for transgender people this is extra challenging since we bring up issues of sexual identity for whoever finds us attractive.    Straight men and women fear that liking a transwoman or transman makes them gay or lesbian.  Lesbians and gay men fear that liking a transwoman or transman might mean they are straight… and every possible combination.   Very often transgender women  and transgender men (people born basically biologically female who are sociologically more like men) face this stigma in their personal lives.

 

science20.com

I identify very much to the Third-Gender types

I am certain if I grew up in Samoa, I'd be a fa'afafine 

                And Model of Third-gender female roled male                                        

 

 Being a fa'afafine  

In the South Pacific, there is a culture that provides a model or blueprint for developing a New Order where the effeminate can be effectively reclassified as a social group and effectively integrated into society in a way that capitalizes on their natural and normal feminine personality traits. 

In many cases, these boys not only exhibit effeminate visual characteristics, but they are chemically and genetically half-male and half-female. In the most extreme cases, they have what is called Klinefelter Syndrome which is a rare genetic disorder that occurs in 1 out of 500 male babies. (Perhaps as many as 300,000 in the USA and 5 Million World Wide)  These boys have an extra X chromosome and have what is called an XXY condition. They are born with the wide hips, big, well-rounded womanly figures, breasts, and nipples coupled with smaller genitalia.

 

These sissy boys tend to be shy and submissive and their feminine characteristics make it impossible for them to function as real men. Physically, genetically, chemically, emotionally and psychologically, these boys are so much like little girls that they should truly have their own legal classification with a separate set of laws that govern their interaction with real men and women.

If these boys are identified at an early age and are started on hormones, they will develop normal female breasts, soft skin, curvy figures and will be totally and completely passable by the time they are teenagers. The laws should be changed to provide public health screenings to identify these boys at young ages so that their treatment can begin at a time when it can be very effective in transforming them into pretty, beautiful, soft, feminine girls. 

Medical research and studies indicate that these boys will adjust with little difficulty to their new feminine roles if they are identified at an early age and their transformation takes place prior to their teen-age years.
   Most of these boys already know from an early age that they are different from the others and they frequently express anxiety, embarrassment and even hatred towards their male genitalia and in some cases openly wish it could be removed. In most cases, these boys think they are a girl in a boy's body and as a result, they eagerly and enthusiastically embrace the medical, surgical and psychological transition because it enhances their self-esteem and it feels so natural to them and it aligns so well with their own perceptions of their sexual gender identity. 

There is a culture in the South Pacific on the island of Samoa that does identify these boys at an early age and these are called Fa'afafine.  Their society gives them a special role where they assist the women of the house, learn feminine skills and are married to a couple for life. They perform in the family as females assisting with domestic chores and;

   Providing sexual services to the man or men in the household. The Fa'afafine are honored and held in high esteem by the culture, society, and families of their group.
    

Fa'afafine are the gender feminine, or third-gendered people of Samoa. A recognized and integral part of traditional Samoan culture, Fa'afafine born biologically male, embody both male and female gender traits.  Their gendered behavior typically ranges from mundanely masculine to extravagantly feminine.

     Fa'afafine may be viewed as a third gender specific to Samoan culture, however, the desire to assume a feminine third gender role is a powerful human sexual need in all cultures and societies; this seems to be a universal aspect of the human condition. 

 If western society adopted the Samoan model, there would be no guilt, shame or embarrassment when engaging in what would now be considered a normal and natural part of a sissy's sexual development and maturation into a desirable third gender.

The word Fa'afafine includes the causative prefix "fa'a" meaning "in the manner of" and the word “fafine” meaning "woman".  It would be a mistake to attribute a western interpretation and mislabel the fa’afafine as "gay” or “homosexual”.


   In Independent Samoa, the people claim that there is no such thing as a fa'afafine being gay or homosexual. Fa'afafine as a third gender, have sexual relationships almost exclusively with men who identify as heterosexual.  They do not have sex with other fa'afafine or with women. In fact, this third gender is so well accepted in Samoan culture that most Samoan men would state that they had a sexual relationship with a fa'afafine at least once in their lifetime.

Being a fa'afafine is said to be a  thoroughly enjoyable lifestyle. Many would state that they loved engaging in feminine activities as children such as playing with female peers, playing female characters during role play, dressing up in female clothes and playing with female gender-typical toys. Some fa'afafine recall believing they were girls in childhood but as they became adults, began to realize they were different from other genetic girls. (I felt I should be a girl,very early and one of my early memories is of seeing my step-sister's smooth hair-less pussy when we where very young, and myself thinking I should be like that.Then once I went thru puberty and my two male friends started penetrating me anally, both telling me that I was mean't to be a girl, I would reply to them in aggreement, and tell them that I should have a pussy not a penis.)

 There is little to no ridicule nor displeasure with a biologically male child who states that he is a girl or wants to become more feminine in Independent Samoa.   

     For instance, one study showed only a minority of parents (20%) tried to stop their fa'afafine sons from engaging in feminine behavior, proving that being pushed into the male gender role can be upsetting to many fa'afafine. A significant number stated that they hated masculine play such as rough games and sports even more than females did as children. 

THE FA'AFAFINE IN SAMOAN CULTURE:

     Viewed as highly intuitive and creative, most Samoan families are said to have at least one fa'afafine member and sometimes more in their household. While dependent on one's own societal family, fa'afafine are also members of a communal family within the fa'amatai family systems.
 
    Far from enduring a stigma attached to what many societies perceive as deviant homosexual behavior, Samoans traditionally recognize the fa'afafine as an essential third gender and afford them total respect and acceptance for their commitment and complete role acceptance of a woman.

While gay or homosexual relations are generally frowned upon in Samoan society, sex with a fa'afafine is not considered homosexual nor degenerate in any regard whatsoever. In fact, it is said that a young Samoan man's first sexual experience is often with a fa'afafine. 

In Western Societies, the benefits of introducing young men to have frequent sex and by encouraging them to have their first sexual experiences with the third gender would be beneficial. Sissy sex  could reduce and perhaps even eliminate unwanted pregnancies by relieving the natural and normal teenage male sexual desires by encouraging them to experiment initially with the third gender. This would give teenage genetic girls time to mature, develop emotionally and to become educated.

Clearly, there would be no problem with identifying and selecting those who would want to participate in this program since many all of these effeminate boys first sexual experiences already occur in our current culture at very young ages. ( I feel I was very much ready to start allowing male friends to penetrate me anally, (age 13) and once they actually did start butt fucking me, they at same time where psychologically emasculating/feminizing  me to the point that it became my " Role ", and since only desire to be in female role.and love being a fem-male now . I can't even imagine now,.... ever wanting to use my penis sexually.)

     Most of these boys at a very young age engage in experimentation where their natural sexual desires and curiosity lead them into situations where they are manipulated, seduced and/or tricked into assuming the female role in sexual activities usually with older boys, adult neighbors,  coaches, scout leaders, camp counselors, life-guards and in some cases, even close male relatives.  -KK     

 Providing sexual services to the man or men in the household. 

   If I didn't love sexually pleasuring men, I wouldn't be good at being a "Female-roled male", I wouldn't desire to provide a man with sexual relief, a good clean tight bottom to penetrate, a mouth to ejaculate in !

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From my experince , most men enjoy watching themselves ejaculating in my mouth,then watch as I swallow their semen.

  And for me it a selection process, as "if I don't feel good about swallowing a man's semen, then that means I should no longer be having sex with him,thus I end the relationship ,as he is "unfit " for me for some reason.

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My "Role " and part of my daily routine of being a " Fem-male ".

The " Berdache "

My hopes are, once a man gets his penis up inside my bottom, he will love how it feels and then hopefully will start routinely using me as a "substitute" for a real female.

All I really know

After half a life time of trying to be a "real" man and not be a FEM male, wishing I was sexually attracted to females like a true heterosexual male seems to be.

   I found it impossible not to Want to be a Real Man's FEM (Female-roled,Effeminate,Male) sexual partner.

                                      Thus

I had to accept it, and try to be the best FEM I could be.

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Since age 13, my preferred sexual partner has been a male donkey

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My method for preparing to get mounted by donkey partner