" The need to be with heterosexual males

The following is very true for myself ;

Blanchard’s 1989 theory on transsexuality posits that male-to-female transsexuals can be categorised neatly in two distinct groups.

  The first, the ‘homosexual transsexuals’, are individuals who are sexually attracted to men – particularly heterosexual men – so homosexual transsexuals seek to acquire a female body in order to be able to appeal to the objects of their desire. 

I would say that due to this dilemma, (finding a heterosexual male partner and knowing that it would be next to impossible to find a heterosexual man whom would take in the role of female for him in a long term monogamous relationship, this was reason I initially stayed parntered with Edward my donkey lover / companion, yet as time went by the bond to him became so great, there was simply no reason to find a human male, Edward was very, very heterosexual for me.

  Thus I was his " jenny " from 1975 to 1996 , he bred me just as he would a real female donkey. 

After Edward passed away in 1996 I was devastated emotionally, and not interested in finding a new partner for at least a year, simply remained celibate til 1998, then I started modeling nude for art study groups, and college life-drawing classes.

 

Soon I met a sexy black male college student , he and I often chatted after class, then one night he asked me if I was gay, I replied by telling him I considered myself a sexually female roled male, he told me to explain, I told him that I need a heterosexual male to take me sexually in the role of their female partner.

He explained he was heterosexual, and normally only was attracted to females, yet after seeing me posing nude and by my feminine mannerism, he felt I might be interested in giving him a blow-job, and that he hadn't had any luck meeting any females at this college yet. 

I tried to explain to him that I had a great need to feel female like, my " nature " is somewhat submissive, I strive to perform as best I can sexually for " my man ", I explained to him that I pride myself in "keeping my bottom clean and strive to always be ready for my man to penetrate me anally ", as always ready and wanting to perform fellatio on him and swallow his semen.

  He then told me he would like me suck his cock right now if I wanted to , it was very dark that night so we went out and jumped in his car I was soon performing  fellatio on him, and very quickly he was ejaculating in my mouth.

  I really liked him, he had a nice big cock, he was very clean and he gave me a nice big load of semen, When we said our good-byes I told him I'd like to start sucking his cock daily, as well as start taking his cock up in my bottom daily .

The next day he called, and at lunch I was in his apartment, on my knees with his cock thrusting in and out of my bottom, thus that became a 2 or 3 times a week routine .

-My similarity to the Third-gender, male to female type persons -

In my exhaustive research looking for individuals whom have traits like myself ; 

1.  A male whom feels very feminine.

2. Feels should be female.

3. Only desires to be in female receptive sexual role.

4. Desires to be in a monogamous relationship with a heterosexual alpha type male (least for me, as I am sexually submissive type for the right male)

5. Desires or fantasizes about getting pregnant, breast feeding.

6. Desires to look feminine and have female breasts and female appearing vagina/vulva.(have penis removed due to it's maleness)

The Third-gender types are only group having the " Seeking a heterosexual male partner " and " being 100% sexually female roled " as a common trait.

1. Fa’afafine — literally, “in the way of a woman”— is the Samoan term for anatomically male individuals who adopt behavioral attributes associated with the female gender.

2. Berdache definition is - an American Indian who assumes the dress, social status, and role of the opposite sex. Male berdaches did women's work, cross-dressed or combined male and female clothing, and formed relationships with non-berdache men.

3. Muxe - (in Mexico, especially Oaxaca) a person whose birth sex is male but who identifies as female or as neither male nor female, a man who lives as a woman 

4. Hijras - are physiological males who have feminine gender identity, adopt feminine gender roles, and wear women's clothing.

5. Travesti - are males who, often beginning at ages as young as ten, adopt female names, clothing styles, hairstyles, and linguistic pronouns.

6. Katoey or Ladyboy - means a male-to-female transgender person or transwoman. It is a widely used term that can have different connotations to different groups of people. Some consider it pejorative (the English term ‘ladyboy’ is also deemed pejorative since transwomen generally don’t see themselves as anything-boy).

Excerpts from ; Homosexual transsexual / wikipedia

  " Harry Benjamin writes that "Other transsexuals find prostitution a useful profession for emotional as well as practical reasons".[7]:50–51 Benjamin goes on to say, "How much more can his femininity be reaffirmed than by again and again attracting normal, heterosexual, and unsuspecting men and even being paid for rendering sex service as a woman?"[7].

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(Even though I was not being paid by men, in many ways my role with men was very similar to being their prostitute.)

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" Blanchard also said homosexual transsexuals were comparatively shorter and lighter in proportion to their height than non-homosexuals.[43] Independent research done by Johnson and Smith concurs with most of Blanchard's observations.[28][33] Smith did not find a significant difference in height-weight ratio.[33] Subsequent research has found only partial support of Smith's findings.[44] Johnson's 1990 work used the alternative term "androphilic transsexual", Johnson wrote that there was a correlation between social adjustment to the new gender role and androphilia.[28]

" Building on work by Freund, Frank Leavitt and Jack C. Berger in 1990 further categorized homosexual transsexuals by three patterns of sexual activity in how they used their penis.[16] In their study 44% were sexually inactive, 19% avoided use of the penis during sex, and 37% derived pleasure from using the penis during sex.

( for myself never do I use my penis, and never has it been erect when I perform sexually)

Fem00po9.jpg

   Bottoms are a dime a dozen.

They’re everywhere. And every time you meet a cute guy and think he’s a top, of course, he too, is a bottom. You can’t win. Demand is high. Supply is scarce. 

I personally found this true, especially from the time spent in internet gay chat rooms, there was alot of competition seeking / finding a true 100% top man.

When I did find a Str8 black top man;
             I very much wanted to keep him pleasured, so he wouldn't look else where.

                       That meant being available for him at all times as best possible

    Thus keeping my "bottom" clean and ready to get " boned " was a central focus of my sexuality, I hated telling a man he couldn't bone me because I didn't feel clean and ready.

A reason, along with other reasons I wish I had a "true vagina " and not a penis, 

I was told several times by men that I was routinely performing sexually for that there were alot of  transsexual types like me out there looking for a Str8 man or at least a total top man, and that sad part was because we are wanting a partner so badly, we most often are the best sexual performer, due to fact that we try so hard to please our partner, thus we get used alot sexually.

This was also a motivating factor in my need to only be with Edward, cause I just knew once I started having sex with men it would be very difficult to find a guy whom would take me as a partner.

            This seemed very true during the period between 1998-2005 when I was having sex with many men

Gay Culture in America

                - Just not my Style -,

              I feel much more connected to the ;

  fa'afafine ,Muxe , berdache concepts 

   were as a male I take the female role not only sexually,

                                but all roles in general

   And there is no defined       cultural concept for a           young male whom is               sexually inverted ,              whom desires to be ;

          " Female-Roled "

    in Western Culture

  Maybe in the media, etc      Gay may seem accepted,    yet in rural America I'd say     a better word would be;

            " Tolerated "