"I can only be in a Platonic relationship with a female"
"I am a feminine cuckold"
Because my early sexual development consisted of watching my mom having sex with a man (soon to be step-father) who wasn't my father from about age 7 through age 10, then my excitement of watching.... I developed a voyeuristic aspect to myself.
In essense, it was as though mom was cuckolding me, at least the dynamics of the cuckold "is a male who loves or is deeply emotionally attached to a female, and when that female has sex with other males the cuckold is erotically excited".
Then I started living in a vicarious way, or watching my mom sucking my step-father's penis, was a type of "vicarious reinforcement"
"I soon wanted to suck on a penis"
In my case, I knew I wanted to be like my mom after seeing her sucking my step-father's penis several times, thus by the summer of 1969 after turning 7, I asked a older friend Kevin who was 12 years old if I could suck his penis, he allowed me too!
I was soon sucking his penis as often has he wanted me to which was very often, he'd gone through puberty, thus he was ejaculating in mouth so I could swallow his semen.
Mom peeks in my bedroom door catches me sucking Kevin penis when I was 10 years old, she quickly closed the door without saying a word.
Later when her and I were alone she asked me about the incident, I told her that I started sucking Kevin's penis when I was 7, soon after repeatedly watching her sucking my step-father's penis.
Her first question was to me was, "how long had I been watching her having sex ?".
I told her 3 years ago, ever since my step-father started coming to the house after her and dad divorced, thus she was clearly embarrassed.
Mom clearly always liked Kevin, which helped prevent her being angry with Kevin and I, and was only concerned for my well being, I told her I liked watching her, I wanted to be like her.
Kevin's father got a job transfer and they had to move to a distant state, I never seen him again.
After Kevin moved I started sucking my great dane Cosso's penis, then my jack donkey Edward's penis, the very nice aspect of mom and my secret of me wanting to be like a girl and then her and I having sex with Kevin at the same time was her and I could be open with each other about sex.
For example, even before I started performing fellatio on Cosso and Edward, I was able to tell her that I wanted to, then when I was 10 years old I was able tell her that wanted to perform fellatio on Cosso and how I really wanted to start being penetrated anally by guys so I could really feel like a girl.