-Warning this journal contains sexual content-


Though this journal could be the outline for an erotic novel, it is my object to understand my sexual history, thus understand my sexual identity and orientation.


     This Journal is more or less a Hodge podge copulation of :

                              "Like a Actor preparing for a script in order to be convincing"


                                          Thoughts, memories and ideas of,

                     my life as a sexually inverted person, and a female-roled zoosexual

                                                and a nude artists model


       I started posing nude for Art Classes due to my love of                        drawing, and my desire to be around artist

                       and always dreamed of being a artist

                Once I was posing, it was a great role for me,

                   it made me feel good, I felt I was playing a

               important role for the artists and student artists.

               And ever since early childhood I loved just being nude, and would spend

                             much time alone in woods walking nude, free from civilization.

                  How posing nude for life drawing classes and how posing helped me understand and cope with my gender and sexual identity dilemmas.


      How my love of drawing, it's great meditative value helped me                        successfully beat alcohol addiction.

Posing helped with my gender identity disorder, exhibitionistic disorder allowed me to express my femininity to a certain degree.




A Major reason for writing this journal is that after doing extensive research into the

topics of exhibitionistic disorder, zoosexuality the common conclusion seems to be

                                   " Little is known about the cause for this condition "

                                                     " Further studies are needed "

Yet for example, exhibitionistic disorder is by far the the most common paraphilic disorder. I think because by being nude lead to Kevin showing interest in me sexually,

which lead to me getting to suck his penis. 

                  I had my first true sexual experience with a 17 year old male at age 7,


                  he had me perform fellatio on him and penetrated me anally, it was

                  only a one-time encounter, one day event however many would say

                  he sexually assaulted me, I though maybe was in away traumatized

                  by the events of that day, I was also wanting what he did with me done

                  to me again.

                  As a child for some reason, I always loved being nude, at least I did after

                  I'd had sex with Mike, well I was alone in the woods behind the house

                  when out of nowhere a neighborhood guy Kevin appeared, Kevin was

                  13 at the time and I was still 7, next thing I knew Kevin had his penis out

                  and told me to suck it, I very much remember I was eager to suck his penis.

                  Like Mike had done, he ejaculated in my mouth and I swallowed it down.

                  After that I go over to Kevin's house often after school, he was a only child

                  and his parents were seldom home, he taught me to ride a bike after giving

                  me his first bike which was to small for him to ride.

                  When he wanted me to suck his penis he would take me to his room and I'd

                  follow his instruction as how he liked me to suck him until he ejaculated.


                  I would continue to suck Kevin's penis routinely until I was 12 years old

                                           I began performing fellatio on dogs in 1972

Followed by performing fellatio on Edward my jack donkey that fall.

Fall of 1975 I was educated how to properly clean and prepare my bottom by a older male Kurt, Kurt was 16 at the time. Soon I was being penetrated anally by 4 different older men besides Kurt, as well as several males my age. (all were ejaculating up inside my bottom)

      I began being bred (penetrated) by dogs, stallion ponies and a jack donkey in 1975


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              Early childhood experiences with older males


Alot of my reasearch centers around my having sex with older males starting at age 7 and how I was influenced by it, how it made me aware of my sexual inversion, manifested my needing to be submissive female-roled/receptive partner for a Dominate males as my sex partners and then my becoming a female receptive submissive zoosexual.

To the point of, I was only able to be the female receptive partner for large breed dogs,

my jack donkey Edward as well as stallion ponies.

Ever since I can remember, I been a very feminine male, and since puberty I have only wanted to be in the female sexual role with my jack donkey Edward and Large breed intact male dogs.
                       Be their "Surrogate female" to breed

Posing for Art classes was a very good social activity to for me start as well because I was having a very hard time since Edward my donkey partner died in 1996, when I was with him, I did little as far as social type things.

By late 1997, I'd been able to get through the grieving process with Edward's passing to see I needed to quite isolating, move on with life, I started actually having interest in finding a new jack donkey lover.

Not that I was looking for (human) boyfriend, yet by chance a college student in one of my classes asked me one evening after class if I was homosexual, I told yes I was female-roled 100% bottom and always had been.

He then quite directly asked if I wanted to perform fellatio on him, I said I would like to, we walked to his car where I able to pleasure him.

Soon I was performing sexually for him by routinely performing fellatio on him as his submissive female-roled sex partner. (he called me his "sissy slut")

My new boyfriend, would then go onto introducing  me to friends, whom would have me perform sexually for them, they'd introduce me to another, until it wasn't long before I was performing sexually 7 days a week for the most part.

  -Even being a male that is a Nude Artist's Model is some what taboo-



           I wanted to make this journal as a study for a testimonial type writing due to;




                     Lack of life Stories, Testimonials from

                                           homosexual transsexuals and zoosexuals


                         Celibacy 2001 to present as a Zoosexual


Because I consider myself primarily a female-roled zoosexual, in that I if were able too,I would have only been the female-roled partner for a jack donkey like my Edward, my male dog partners and my stallion pony and stallion horse partners, however the bestiality laws of 2001 in the state I lived caused my to become 100% celibate as a zoosexual. 

If not for the law I'm very much sure I'd be exclusively a " female surrogate partner" for

male dogs and male equines only.

                                Other wise I wouldn't be publicly writing this journal