Straight Men with Fem-males 8 /19/2020

After playing the female role sexually  for males at age 13 right at puberty, being anally impregnated by them (allowing them to ejaculate up inside me)I simply thought I'd be available for the normal males to use sexually when females were not available, and at the time there where many males whom I wished that would ask me to suck their cocks, then hopefully start penetrating me anally as well. I truly felt this was role I had to play in life because for whatever reason, I wanted men to have sex with me, and treat me like I really was a female,.I wanted to dress sexy for them,turn them on, be submissive sexually for them ,be very available, as long as they treated me gentle and with respect.

  Yet it was very clear to me even then, I did not want a man to be interested in other males like I was interested in males , in other words two fem-males don't have sex with each other. Thus why the modern gay displayed ideology is very alien to me, other then ; A Top male has Bottom male for a partner,,,,I can not relate to those gay males whom identify as " Versatile "

Yet simply my ideology , but it is how I feel, one is either Male-roled or one is Female-roled, and I believe the term " sexually inverted " comes in varying degrees and forms.

   Thus when coming " Out " as a FEM-male in 1998, I only wanted STR8 men to treat me sexually like a female (simply have me suck their cocks, and penetrate my bottom) Which for the most part this was the type of men I was seeing, how ever I soon found out through on line chats like " gay.com ", I could meet men whom identified as " Tops only " and after meeting one such man, a older man whom I soon found out was very experinced at fucking fem-males like myself, he gave me maybe the best long,deep fuckings I'd ever experinced , made me feel so feminine,so emasculated, which is very much what I need a man to do to me , "help me feel like a feminine lady does".

I not interested in a man whom is interested in my penis, nore have I ever be interested in a man playing with or sucking  my penis, or asking me to fuck him,,it's not my "Role".

I would say from my experince , most of the straight men whom allowed me to perform fellatio on them or penetrated me anally had a empathetic understanding for my need to be sexually be treated like a female. I always made it clear to Men that I want to be like a girl, to the extent I wish that I didn't have a penis, I wish had a vagina.

  Especially when it came to penetrating me anally, even after I'd performed fellatio on them many times, asking them if they would please start using my " bottom " so I could feel more feminine, lady-like, even if they gave-in and started using my "bottom", they'd often say, " the only reason I'm going to do it is because I know you need it."

               After being with me, many Men might say to me ; 

      " You really do want to be like a girl " or " you should be a girl "

       So they were both empathetic and altruistic

                   Yet the only way a Man can be ;

                          "empathetic and altruistic "

                  is if he truly is aware of your needs.

          And a huge need of mine is for a Man to                          make me feel like a girl

The Evolutionary Biology of Altruism

Compassion, cooperation, and community are key to our survival. - psychologytoday.com  

 Excerpt from above article ;  

  Scientists confirm that we must cooperate to survive.  

In November of 2012, Wilson’s theory was backed up by Michael Tomasello and researchers in the Department of Developmental and Comparative Psychology at the The Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology.  Their research, published by Current Anthropology offers an explanation why humans are much more inclined to cooperate than are their closest evolutionary relatives. 

   The prevailing wisdom about why this is true has long been focused on the idea of altruism: we go out of our way to do nice things for other people, sometimes even sacrificing personal success for the good of others. Modern theories of cooperative behavior suggest that acting selflessly in the moment provides a selective advantage to the altruist in the form of some kind of return benefit.

The authors of the study argue that humans developed cooperative skills because it was in their mutual interest to work well with others—practical circumstances often forced them to cooperate with others to obtain food. In other words, altruism isn't the reason we cooperate; we must cooperate in order to survive, and we are altruistic to others because we need them for our survival.

In 2010, E.O. Wilson announced that he no longer endorsed the kin selection theory he had developed for decades. This caused a big stir in evolutionary biologist circles. He acknowledged that according to kin theory, that altruism arises when the "giver" has a genetic stake in the game. But after a mathematical assessment of the natural world, Wilson and his colleagues at Harvard University decided that altruism evolved for the good of the community rather than for the good of individual genes. As Wilson put it, cooperating groups dominate groups who do not cooperate.

 - psychologytoday.com

Empathy-altruism -wikipedia

Empathy-altruism is a form of altruism based on feelings for others.

The social exchange theory states that altruism does not exist unless benefits to the helper outweigh the costs. C. Daniel Batson holds that people help others in need out of genuine concern for the well-being of the other person.[1] The key ingredient to helping is "empathic concern". According to his 'empathy-altruism hypothesis', if someone feels empathy towards another person, they will help them, regardless of what they can gain from it (1991). An alternative hypothesis that exists is 'empathy-joy', which states a person helps because they find pleasure at seeing another person experience relief (2008). When they do not feel empathy, social exchange theory takes control.

Sexual Behavior In The Human Male

by

 

Alfred C Kinsey

Excerpt from above that I relate to well;

  " The heterosexual male finds a regular outlet if he locates a single female who is acceptable as a wife in marriage.

   The homosexual male is more often concerned with finding a succession of partners, no one of whom win provide more than a few contacts, or perhaps not more than a single contact. Some promiscuous males with homosexual histories become so interested in the thrill of conquest, and in the variety of partners and in the variety of genital experiences that may be had, that they deliberately turn down opportunities for repetitions of contacts with any one person. This necessity for finding new partners may result in their going for some days or weeks without sexual relations.

   Even the most experienced homosexual males may be inhibited from making all the contacts that are available because of preferences for particular sorts of partners.

        ( for me I want a 100% Top Man with big cock, kind to me,can treat me like a girl, gentle yet puts me in my role)

A male who has highly developed esthetic tastes, one who is emotionally very sensitive, one who over-reacts to situations which do not entirely please him, one who develops a preference for a partner of a particular age or a particular social level, of a particular height or weight, with hair of a particular color, with particular genital qualities, or with other particular physical aspects - a male who refuses to have sexual relations except under particular circumstances, at particular hours of the day, and in particular sorts of environments - may turn down hundreds of opportunities for contacts before he finds the one individual with whom he accepts a relation.

Many of the males who have homosexual histories are acutely aware that they are transgressing social custom and engaging in activity which has a certain amount of peril attached to it if it becomes known to the society in which they live. Consequently, many such males become oversensitive to the precise situations under which they accept relationships. All of these handicaps make for discord between homosexual partners, and this lessens the number of opportunities for successful relations.

 

Long-time relationships between two males are notably few. Long-time relationships in the heterosexual would probably be less frequent than they are, if there were no social custom or legal restraints to enforce continued relationships in marriage. But without such outside pressures to preserve homosexual relations, and with personal and social conflicts continually disturbing them, relationships between two males rarely survive the first disagreements.

There are some males whose homosexuality is undoubtedly the product of inherent or acquired timidity or other personality traits which make it difficult for them to approach other persons for any sort of social contact. Such males find it easier to make contacts with individuals of their own sex. Their homosexuality may be the direct outcome of their social inadequacies. Even with their own sex, however, these timid individuals may find it very difficult to approach strangers. They may resort to taverns, clubs, and other places where they know that homosexual contacts may be easily obtained, but are likely to go alone, and may go regularly for weeks and months without speaking to anyone in the assemblage. The low rates of outlet of some of these individuals are as extreme as any in the whole male population.

     ( it was quite clear the men whom seen me for sex, were not able to commit to a steady live together type relationship, thus I was in the role as occasional casual sex partner, thus some men I would asked if they had any friends that might like to meet me,or if he wanted to watch other men fuck me, I like to be double-teamed, or even party-fucked if proper context/content.Thus it occurred like in my "last man standing parties", then there were some men who always seen as a pair and double-teamed me.)

  Funny thing is Kinsey doesn't mention STD's, which was huge concern for myself and needed to be for the Men whom were seeing me, especially the Men whom were fucking me, the standing ethics were " I'm safe,you be Too! ". I made it clear I very much wanted to get to know them,trust them so they could start " bare-back fucking me " so I could take their semen up in me. I made it clear that I was very selective, and needs to be " Fit ", meaning clean, STD-free, can treat me like a female-roled male,kindly and repectful put me in my role, be Man to me, and fuck the man out of me.

  example

          Be me I loved when a boyfriend called, said  " get that boy-pussy cleaned,thigh-highs                                               on,be ready to bend over for me and a friend to fuck you silly "

         " I grew up reading my mom's sexy romance novels,wishing I could be like the girls "

                                                       Still like reading them !

There are some males who are primarily or even exclusively homosexual in their psychic responses, but who may completely abstain from overt rela'stions for moral reasons or for fear of social difficulties. Left without any socio-sexual contacts, some of these persons have essentially no outlet, and some of them are, therefore, very badly upset.

Sexual Behavior In The Human Male

I very much have always wanted to be in a steady relationship with a straight Man,(100% Top Man) be his girly-boyfriend,

  I think if this had occurred, I'd most likely of gotten the GRS surgery done back in early 2000's,(I wanted to then badly) as I could of had his support through the whole procedure.

  Even now if I could find a steady Man to take me as his girly-boyfriend.

   I'd likely have the GRS surgery done, it's just that I know now that I am fully emasculated and feminized pyschologically, thus ready to be emasculated physically, so I can have at least a female looking Vulva.

         I badly want the GRS surgery now to, yet not                                           that easy

I want to be as "Girl" as I can for a Man

Always being Ready

I've been self-employed as a carpenter most of the last 30 years, 

which made it ideal for me to get away for a hour to go suck a boyfriend's cock any time during the day, by 2000 I was routinely seeing about 50 men at least once a month. I made it clear to them that I was available 24/7 at least to for a blow-job, for example it was very common to give a lunch time blow-job, sometime several.  Everyday  monday thru friday  I tried to give a different friend a blow-job on a set day, that way I got to at least suck cock every day at least once. At night during week days , it was fairly common to have a friend call and come to his office, as he was stressed,working late and needed a break, often in this situation my friend would end up fucking me, so knew my bottom better be very clean and ready.

 I had all ages from 18 to 70, some single,some married, few going thru a divorce or break up , so I never knew when one would call, and by then everybody had cell phones so contacting was easy.

  I like routine for some things and this was a thing I liked routine, so I was always trying to persuade them to at least set a certain day of the week that I could see them , for example friend A, every monday at 8pm, B every tuesday at 8pm etc. That way I could give a blow-job during day everyday, then hope was to get fucked every night so by end of week I had seen at least 14 different men of the 50, yet on weekends I start seeing them from morning til into the night, alot times I might see 20-30 friends over weekend.

  Then I was always meeting new men, yet often only once, and wouldn't see again, I wasn't right for them, or they for me type reality. Yet on occasion it jives between two people.

  I due know though, if I had no need to work, was independently Wealthy !,

 I'd just spend my time sucking cock, and getting fucked, walking in woods, enjoying Nature .

I don't how anyone could love cock any more than I do, honestly don't know how.

And the stuff that squirts out the tip

At that time 1998 - 2005, the paradox for me as well was, I didn't feel any one Man by himself could possibly fulfil me sexually, he simply wouldn't be able to ejaculate that often, or wouldn't have the desire. Where as me being in the female role, it didn't matter if I ejaculated, if I did ejaculate, I maybe might have to take a ten minute break, yet was then wanting to suck or get fucked again.

  For example when I'd get double teamed, I one guy fucking while sucking the other, I might ejaculate , yet just squirm about intensely, but just keep sucking, and keep taking it in my bottom til they both ejaculated. Alot of the guys who liked double teaming me were young, and could have multiple ejaculations, after few minutes break they 'd do me again.

  Doesn't matter for me to be erect,and never am I erect when having sex with men,I ejaculate limp. So " refractory period " doesn't matter;

       (Male refractory period ; Male Refractory Period. The length of refractory period varies from person to person. For some men, this period is just about 15 minutes long and for others, it might be as long as 24 hours. Some people can also achieve multiple orgasms.)

   However, a huge pyschological difference with me that I discovered instantly once taking the female role with men , is the Post-coital tristesse

   Post-coital tristesse  (PCT) -  is the feeling of sadnessanxiety, agitation or aggression after sexual intercourse, mostly in males. Its name comes from New Latin postcoitalis and French tristesse, literally "sadness". Many people with PCT may exhibit strong feelings of anxiety lasting from five minutes to two hours after coitus.

 

 POSTCOITAL DYSPHORIA IN MALES / pdf )  -  According to the same study, PCT among males is associated with current psychological distress, sexual abuse during childhood, and with several sexual dysfunctions.

                   I've have always had very negative Post-coital tristesse  - wikipedia,

                         since first being with females, and I'm sure due to fact that in the back of my mind

                         I wanted to be a Man's " girly-boyfriend "

I can never remember not having Post-coital tristesse   after sex with females with me using my penis as a man normal does.

                                                                                                  

            " Once I started having sex with men as a " female-roled male "

                                      

                     ♥ I've never experinced Post-coital tristesse again,

 

                                            only wonderful, a great contentment that I am in the " Proper role ".

                                            I can't imagine being anything other then female like for a man now.

                                                Only thing better would be having " pussy like a female "

             As I've tried to explain / articulate, the Contrasting pyschological difference between me being in male role,  verse the Female role is like night and day or totally happy verse totally sad

          Thus it would be emotionally very Negative for me to be anything other then a " female-roled male ", 

          and only have sex with Totally Top Men 

    Thus even though society said it was wrong when I was 13, I myself                            knew in my heart, I needed to be " Female-roled "

             I needed to be a boy's girly-boyfriend, not a girl's boyfriend

I've always felt I was " cursed " since earliest memories, in my wanting to be like the " Girls "

Yet after a life time of battling my want to be like a Female, I know it is only way I can be, only way that feels right sexually and my want is to be feminine for a Man.

I know very much agree with the famous quote concerning " Free-will ";

      " One may do as they want, yet One can't choose                                      what they want ."

And the above is how I want and should be for a boyfriend / partner

                 - fully emasculated into female sexual role

I just wish Society was able to accept a fem-male like me, so men could see me as I truly am , and maybe a few would be interested in getting to know me, then realize I might be good for them as a sexually female-roled partner.

-Why sexual roles have to be Clearly understood-

I found this article that is simply maddening to me .....

                         "My Husband Is Having an Affair...With a Man" - psychologytoday.com  

     Excerpts from ;   

                                        "Kevin" is a man in his mid-fifties, married, with two children, one of whom is handicapped. His wife suspected Kevin's interest in men, and she began to search for clues of his deception. She found his online user name and password for a gay chat room. She then began to send him emails as if she were a man interested in a "hook up." Not knowing the messages were actually from his wife, Kevin arranged to meet "him" for coffee, and Kevin's secret life was exposed.

    Kevin made the perfect apology to his wife. He expressed his guilt and admitted that what he had done was wrong. He gave no excuse or defense for having wronged her. He told his wife he knew she had every right to feel hurt. Kevin's wife begrudgingly put him "on probation." He assumed a submissive posture in the relationship, leading to a complete reversal in the power dynamics within their relationship. He promised to stop seeing men — but he has not.

How serious was Kevin's offense? Sex isn't the problem; the lies used to cover the offense are far more damaging. The spouse feels a mixture of feelings: anger, hurt, righteous indignation and a wish for revenge. Lying erodes the trust that must form the basis of a successful relationship. Healing requires the re-establishment of trust. Without forgiveness, the betrayal will undermine meaningful relationships. If the couple chooses to remain together, it can take years to restore trust. When the spouse discovers a subsequent betrayal, it sends her a message that the offender neither regretted the offense nor seriously intended to change.

The crucial issues in working through the crisis are:

  • The severity of the offense

  • The degree of commitment to the relationship

  • The degree to which the offender is sincerely apologizing

  • Conciliatory behavior

  • The capacity for forgiveness

  • The personalities of each individual

   My thoughts on this article ;

 

  1.         First of All the article doesn't outline the role Kevin is playing in this relationship with other men !

  2.         Is Kevin gay or straight, and is he 100 % bottom or Top ?, if Kevin is a gay bottom he wouldn't be able to be with me, if                    he is married and 100% Top is he able to be with me (allow me to perform fellatio on himself or fuck me) yet only with his                wife's consent and that I am performing for him in 100% bottom role

  3.     There can be a good friendship between Kevin and I, ....yet not a romantic type as that between a male and female.

  4.        Because I am a " 100% female-roled male " thus very much pyschologically like a 100%  female roled female, I am only able to           be with 100% male roled males whom see me simply for sexual pleasure , thus want me to suck them, give them a hand-job or             butt-fuck me. 

  5.        If a married man was/is  interested in me, I always would tell him the best thing we can do is all three of us , himself,his wife and           me sit and talk, if it's ok , then I can ask her if she able to watch as I perform fellatio on him just here, myself fully clothed, if she           allows, then isn't upset etc. We can proceed. I just morally believe in honesty, and don't like leaving other wondering thus ,she             can see what happens in the sexual encounters.  And who knows , might lead to a " Terrace " type relationship

I've always told couples if she wants to peg me while I suck him or he can peg me and can suck her ; 

           No Matter What,

     I must only be in the              Female Role 100%

I Know Full Well I can't be a True female for a straight man, do the romantic stuff, make-out, kissing on lips etc.

Straight men who have sex with other men news.com.au   

Excerpts from ; 

                                 

       " It’s a subject that has always fascinated me because I have many gay friends who bed these so-called straight (and often married) men with excitement, enthusiasm and frequency.

I’d heard of the term “men who have sex with men” (msm), but was confused as to why these straight men/gay men hook-ups were occurring so commonly, and what it was all about.

Are these men secretly gay and in hiding?

As it turns out, not all of them are. After investigating the issue and speaking to some of the men involved, I was surprised to find out that as well as some of these men being in the closet, there is also a population of guys out there who are hooking up with other guys just for the pure ease at which a hook up can occur.

It is not necessarily about sexual attraction to a gender, but sexual pleasure.

 “The majority of straight men who are going to a glory hole are going because they don’t want to see who is on the other side.

                                                               It is about just getting off."

"Some males who are being regularly fellated by other males without, however, ever performing fellation themselves, may insist that they are exclusively heterosexual and that they have never been involved in a truly homosexual relation. Their consciences are cleared and they may avoid trouble with society and with the police by perpetrating the additional fiction that they are incapable of responding to a relation with a male unless they fantasy themselves in contact with a female."

                           - Homosexual Outlet by Alfred Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin.

    The above paragraph from Homosexual Outlet, has a paradox of sorts for myself, as I very much don't want a man whom sexually treating me like a female , feel as though he is homosexual, as I am the one performing for him in a homosexual way, he is very much being a Man for me, ever men who would identify as "Gay Top men ", to me they were very much Men and very good at making me feel like a female, and I am very thankful to them for being patient with me, showing me ways of performing best as a fem-male sexually.

              Though may sound Crazy, I've often thought that when I was 13 years old, and the boys were sexually treating me like a girl , having me fellate them, and submit to take their cocks up inside my bottom. 

              Instead of being Shamed and being publicly Humiliated.

 

  I could of been talked to by a professional whom knew about homosexuality ,sexual inversion etc. This professional person would of clearly seen that I desired  to be like a girl, that I loved what the boys were doing with me. Even been able to go to a special school...maybe called the " The School for Berdaches". 

   Yet in 1975 very few professionals , teachers clearly understood the impact that being Shamed and publicly humiliated as on a young male that is homosexual/sexual inverted.

                   As I clearly know now my sexual orientation wasn't going to be as like a normal male.

    One beauty of modeling nude for artist's, schools is/was over coming shame of being different, building the courage to be different. And though I again was shamed , made fun of by many individuals, I know now that those individuals were at the time very immature and cognitive deficient.

  And society's inability to embrace nudity even in the content and context as in posing for Art classes, only shows poor evolved maturity and cognitive deficiency.

   The hate empowerment by places like religions though, especially in the United States,, is simply a sad state, even if people dislike the concept of same sex,sexual relationships, by not supporting freedom of belief, and individual freedom of sexual autonmy

excerpts from ; The Age of Attraction (above),

The disassociation of male‐male same‐sex desire from the seduction of youth was reinforced by the construction of male homosexuality as inborn. According to Bloch, who came to embrace the inborn model around 1906:

Genuine homosexuality exhibits, like heterosexuality, the character of an impulse [Triebes] arising from the very nature of the personality which, from the cradle to the grave, expresses the continuity of the individual in respect also of this specific sexual tendency; there does not exist a homosexuality limited to a particular period of life, such as childhood or youth … As such, Schopenhauer's pederasty of old men [Greisenpäderastie] … and the love of Greek boys for older men do not count as [genuine] homosexuality ….55

   I relate to the above, in that  by age 7 at least I was performing fellatio on boys near my age, very much wanted to and very much liked to do it, then so by 13, thought worried about being found out publicly that I liked performing fellatio on boys. And now more aware, of actual intense sexual desire to be feminized / taked by a boy who came right out and told me that I was born to be like a girl, and asked me to be his " girly-boyfriend ", I love it so much when he would tell me that I should be a girl, then once he started penetrating my bottom and ejaculating in me, then he told me I now could never be a man , I remember loving the idea that I could really be like a girl because I like what he was doing to me so much.

                    Thus in all reality I was fully emasculated and feminized at that point, the remainer of life was learning how to cope and live in world where being a man's " girly-boyfriend " was not a good thing to be..

I like it alot when a boyfriend tells me that he likes my bottom,and likes his cock up in it,and tells me to get on my knees for him 

I can relate to all 15 in above article, yet number 15. is best;

 15. - 

15. That freshly f*cked euphoria

All of those post-coital hormones flowing in your brain (i.e. dopamine and oxytocin). All of the hormones that make you feel SO. DAMN. GOOD."

                                           and especially for me, is how "feminine" I feel.

Being as "Feminine" as possible for men

I was constantly giving men blow-jobs in theirs cars, yet even then I wanted to look as feminine as possible, and it made me feel more erotic as well. 

I had to be submissive, in the context of;

    The moment I got in the front seat, usually a man had his erect cock out ready and waiting for me to start sucking, and I knew I was expected to swallow his cum, or if he wanted to fuck me, my bottom needed to be very clean, lubed, in this scenario, if a guy fucked me it generally was going to be a hard,fast thrusting type boning.

I very often told men how much they were helping me feel feminine ,lady like by letting me suck their cocks or by them fucking me.

I think that simply conveying to man that I have prepared my bottom for them by getting it good and clean so if they wish to use it, they can,..................       " is a very Feminine gesture".

 

And it is a very often question asked of me by men..." Michael is your bottom clean ? ", so I want to be able to say;

                          " Yes "

 as my greatest  pleasure is having a man's penis sliding in and out of my bottom. I feel so Feminine then.