The Struggle of Expression

              As a androphilic male

The attraction to men or masculinity. It's a polite, nonspecific way to ask what a certain person is attracted to.                           An androphilic man is homosexual,

                               while an,

     androphilic woman is heterosexual

    And since I am psychologically more                 feminine by far then masculine

                

In my heart I have always felt like I should be in the girl role sexual with a man/male, yet how to express such a thing, has not been easy

I'm not to interested in trying to look like a female, though wish to look feminine for a Male partner, and convey to him that I am 100% female sexually roled.

My main obsession has always been to have the female sexual aspect, thus not have a penis, and instead have a vagina.

I am very sure that if the surgical procedures were much more advanced, I would have have the surgery so as to have a female looking vulva, and rid myself of a penis, as psychosexually I am very much female-roled.

As sexually, my only desire is to have a male friend whom can take me as a female sexually roled male.

For myself , posing for Artists has allowed me to explore ways of expressing myself as a " Female-roled male ", as in reality all that I can rationally try to do is " be in a female type role ", try to be as feminine as possible,especially for a boyfriend, yet for myself as well. As I only feel psychologically correct when I am able to be " Female like "

Not having a penis reflects my " Role "

I've simply just always wished to perform like a female sexually

For myself, I have no desire to perform like a Man, just desire to Act like a female for a Man

     I am a composite of ;

Uranian,berdache,Fa'afafine,femboy,shemale,postitute(call-boy/slut-boy)

sex-worker,homosexual transsexual,Androsexual,autogynephilic,Muxe.

 One thing for sure I know, is I am only suited  to be a "Female-Roled male"

                                              Sexually

   I've always known I am a "Femboy"

female roled male and wanted guys to treat me like a girl sexually

How to get noticed or convey publicly that one is a Femboy has always been a dilemma for me. On occassion I would have a guy ask if I was a bottom, which I liked alot , because I knew it was likely that he was a top.If I was interested , My reply was always " yes , 100% ", often a guy in this type encounter was very horny and ready, so he might come right out ask me what I liked to do sexually, I usually say something like; " I often give blow-jobs on first date " , if he said he wanted a blow-job, I'd ask if he wanted to call me in a about a hour then give him my phone number.

I just always wanted to be a man's girly-boyfriend, be as female like for him as reasonable possible in the society/culture which we live in currently . Which is slowly, I hope ,evolving to accept transsexual type people.

Just like many,many true females, it is very exciting for me to have a man that I find attractive, come up and ask me if I'd be interested in being his girly-boyfriend, and ask me to be in the female role sexually for him.

For myself, having a vulva, not a penis is the ultimate way I can express to man, or anyone for that matter that I am at least psychologically 100% sexually like a female

I've always been envious when seeing females breast feeding, wishing I could do what they are doing

Just as I am not sexually attracted to females like a normal male, if I look at the magazine below, I am envious of their bodies.

  For example I could hang out with this women nude, and I'd not have a desire to actually have sex with them.

Verse , I would find myself at home being with the girls below, and wishing these men could sexually treat me like a girl as well.

I don't know if I'd suck him in this setting, but I'd certainly be "stroking it "

I've known at least since puberty that I have be turned on by some nude men, not any nude women, yet I can greatly admire nude women.

     Yet how to express this               diemma is difficult

Image above expresses my ideally how I sexually feel to be; Female-roled

There as been no " Role Model " I relate to , or fully identify with.

                             except the " Berdache Concept"

If I take the " Bem Androgyny Test ", psychologically I show up as " feminine ".

Transgender.kinseyinstitute.org

  • An estimated 0.3% of adults are transgender. Read more »

  • A review of 8 transgender studies found rates for male-to-female between 1 in 11,900 to 1 in 45,000 and female-to-male between 1 in 30,400 to 1 in 200,000. (World Professional Association for Transgender Health, 2011)

  • Among male-to-female transgender people (MtF), 27% are attracted to men, 35% are attracted to women, and 38% are attracted to men and women. Read more »

  • Among female-to-male transgender people (FtM), 10% are attracted to men, 55% are attracted to women, and 35% are attracted to men and women. Read more »

  • 12-27% of children continue to experience gender dysphoria as adults. (World Professional Association for Transgender Health, 2011)Are transgender people gay or lesbian? No. Transgender people are straight, gay, lesbian and bi-sexual.

    (Bockting's research suggests that, among male-to-female transgender people, 27 percent are attracted to men, 35 percent are attracted to women and 38 percent are attracted to men and women. Among female-to-male transgender people, 10 percent are attracted to men, 55 percent are attracted to women and 35 percent are attracted to men and women.)

I always wanted males and females both to to know I am a male who feels very Feminine psychologically and only wish to be 100% sexually like a true female.

  For example, writing.. " I am a male " in above sentence causes cognitive dissonance, I hate referring to myself as a Man,

      as I have never seen myself as a " Man ", see myself as part male, yet more female like. Thus I like called a " Fem'male "

Then to make matters worse, there is the distorted truth surrounding the whole transgender issue like the term ;

 Use of androphilia and gynephilia was proposed and popularized by psychologist Ron Langevin in the 1980s.[34] Psychologist Stephen T. Wegener writes, "Langevin makes several concrete suggestions regarding the language used to describe sexual anomalies. For example, he proposes the terms gynephilic and androphilic to indicate the type of partner preferred regardless of an individual's gender identity or dress. Those who are writing and researching in this area would do well to adopt his clear and concise vocabulary."[35]

                                                                         Verse                                                                                     

Then I just came across this article  ;

   "  Nicolas Chinardet doesn’t like the words most people use to describe his sexuality. 

So, in the early 2000s, he came up with an alternative term to describe himself as a man who finds other men sexually attractive: 'androphile'.

“I made it up from my vague knowledge of Greek,” he tells me. “Putting two bits together” – the prefix 'andro', meaning man, and 'phile', denoting a love for something – “to come up with androphile."..

Since then, the word has mutated into a label of choice for some young gay men, often politically right-wing, who identify with a new kind of sexuality.

In 2006, the right-wing polemicist Jack Donovan took the word as the title of his book, which was subtitled, 'Rejecting the Gay Identity, Reclaiming Masculinity'.

 

                                                                                  Who is fooling Who?

                                                                                                                                                  3 October 2017

                                            I'd say Nicolas Chinardet  is some 40 years late

exerpt from above article ;

Summary: This award-winning short claymation film is an adaptation of Plato's Allegory of the Cave and can be used to teach core concepts from the sociology of knowledge, including the social construction of reality. The Allegory of the Cave, presented in Plato's Republic, tells the story of prisoners trapped in a cave who can only see shadows casted on the wall in front of them. Plato's story is a commentary on the human condition, in which he suggests that humans are trapped in a material world, interpreting illusions and shadows to be reality. Plato's theory shares similarities with ideas presented in Berger and Luckmann's (1966) The Social Construction of Reality, specifically that our perception of reality is shaped by our social and physical location. In this way, reality is not absolute, and what we understand to be "real" is actually a social construct. 

Being Erect doesn't express my Identity

As I express my self in the above video, I soon found it didn't fit my idea of whom I wished to be, I wanted to be " female-roled ", thus soon I would never again pose in such a way, as it causes cognitive dissonance. When in my heart I've always wished to express myself as female sexually roled.

The only aspect about the video above (erect) that I feel good about is the below clip,where I ejaculate in my mouth. 

However for the last 20 years for myself to masturbate,I need to have my dildo up inside my bottom,thus imagining a real man is in me,which makes me become limp.It's very rare that I have a erection.

In Essense it's been a lifetime of exploring,learning what best fits my                                                   sexual identity

The Reason I am doing this, is because I'm thinking about doing what I doing in the below video

I simply Love Cock in me   

My favorite comment from a guy after I've sucked his cock or he has fucked me, is if he says says he wants to me to started performing for him routinely, especially if he calls me his "girly slutboy" ,femboy etc., Main thing he has put me in my role as a completely emasculated female-roled male.

At least sexually, the greatest thing in the world is either having a boyfriend cumming in my mouth, so I can swallow it, or having him cumming up in my bottom. 

     I love making a man cum, watching it spurt out, mmmmmm!   

To submit to having a man ejaculate in my mouth as he sees it squirt into my mouth, then watchs me savor it as I swallow it, is very,very emasculating for myself. I think it is good for him that I show him, that it makes me feel good due to his giving me his Attention.

It's very exciting for me to have a man cum in my mouth,so I can see / imagine what he will impregnate me with when I decide to let him bare-back fuck me,thus take his semen up inside me. Always my ultimate goal, is to get a man to start bare-back fucking me.

Next to wishing I had a female like vagina, secondly I want a man to like my bottom, like the feel of sliding his penis up in it.

Growing up in the 1970's

I simply knew, by seeing the females on T.V of the time, knowing from observation, that I wasn't like a normal boy should be, as I knew I wanted to be like them and not like a boy.

I remember wanting to be like Julie Newmar

And by about age 8, it was common to sneak to the woods with another male, we'd both get naked play and often I'd suck his penis ,which I very much liked to do. Even though my friend nor I could ejaculate yet, he'd still be erect I still just loved the feel of his penis in my mouth.

I very much believe that I was pre-disposed at birth with a very feminine trait, simply do to the fact I can never remember not feeling the need to be female like.

Then at the very time I was to have my first real orgasm at age 13, then within the very end of that week young boys were using me sexually in the female role, thus ejaculating both in my mouth and bottom.

 And they telling me I should of be born a girl

          and wanting to be told that.

I also grew up believing that myself being a FEM-male, my role was to only have sex with Str8 male whom treated me sexually as though I were female, thus having males penetrate me anally was how I needed to fulfil that role.

   I couldn't even imagine having sex with another male whom was Feminine sexually like myself, I simply assumed Str8 males used people like me for casual sex when they they didn't have a girl-friend, and after my friends started using me as a female substitute sexually.....I simply thought I be available for the normal males to use sexually when females were not available, and at the time there where many males whom I wished that they'd ask me to suck their cocks, then hopefully start penetrating me anally as well.

   It's hard to explain , yet once I had been penetrated anally then taken the semen up inside me, and loving the feeling, I simply knew I could not be like a real man, and clearly knew I wanted to feel like a real female does when having a man's cock inside their vagina. 

   I thus believe at age 13, and after having males impregnate me with their semen, I could never again be really truely as a real male should be for a female and felt then that only way to live and survive was to hide it.