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Vulvoplasty (zero-depth vaginoplasty)

Since my earliest memories I've felt something went wrong because I was             born with a penis and I should of be born with a vagina

Since puberty I've wanted a male to take me as his female sexual partner,

              I only desire to perform for a male in the female role.

Since age 13 (may of 1975) I started a sexual relationship with a male donkey perform only oral sex for him then by august of 1975  I started performing for him 100% in the female role, as the he started penetrating me anally and breeding me (ejaculating up inside) and exclusively remained his female-roled partner until 1996.

   Thus ,Gender Dysphoria for myself is likely a bit different then most other male to female transsexual type people, due to fact that my sexual partner was a male donkey.

How ever Today (2021), and say I was 30 years old and living with Edward...in same context as he and I had,..and with the advancement in surgical procedures, I very much would be seeking out a surgeon whom could create a female like vagina which could accommodate Edward's penis.

  As  by having the surgery I get my penis removed, a female looking vulva, and a vaginal canal especially suited for Edward's penis.

After Edward's death in 1996, then being celibate for two years a handsome young black male asked me if I'd give him a blow-job one night, I did.

Soon he had me giving him blow-jobs two or three times a week, then one day while at his place a male friend of his stopped by,we all got to chatting, the conversation some how turned to sex, then the reason I was there topic, and I revealed to this new acquaintance that I was female roled and was just wanting to suck cock , his reply was " I could use a blow job", I looked at my friend, he told me " go ahead, I like to watched ", the new acquaintance was sitting on couch so I went over got on my knees and sucked him til he ejaculated in my mouth, then sucked my friend, I asked them both if they'd like to start mounting me and ejaculating in my bottom, after we all discussed that topic a bit, and I assured them I'd have my bottom clean, they said they would like to try it, both revealing they had never been that way with a male.

  So my next date was with both of them, one sat on couch, me on my knees sucking him, while the other mounted me ,thrust in til he ejaculated, as soon as the one I was sucking ejaculated in my mouth, I went to bathroom cleaned and lubed my bottom.
  We all sat around talking til they could get erect again, we did same thing again except they switched places, thus both got to ejaculate in my bottom and mouth.

                              - This became the three of our's once a week routine -

  

   I'd wear my garter and thigh highs for them as I did want to look very feminine and sexually desirable as I very much wanted them to use me sexually as often as possible.

                         One referred to me as his slutboy, the other his femboy 

  At this time is when I really started wanting to have my penis removed, and have surgery

to create a female looking vulva,..which as remained a strong desire til today, yet the content/context have changed. Due to fact that after being with human males sexual as their slutboy / femboy  til I realized I really needed to find another lover like Edward, so in 2002 I began to search for a intact Jack donkey, having no luck, I found a great small stallion horse (Oscar) which I instantly hit it off with ,,I was able to spend a week with him prior to purchasing him, thus I found he and I would be sexually compatible as he was able to successfully mount and breed me, and he was receptive to me sucking his penis.

  2003, Once with Oscar I have never been with a human male again, he and I were partners til 2005 when I decided to become 100% celibate,

                                      - thus I've been celibate now for 16 years -

                            Bestiality In Finland - it is legal to have sex with your pet 

                                                   www.metropolitan.fi 

           " Yes, bestiality is legal in Finland. The country, together with Hungary and Romania, is one of the last countries                                  where bestiality is not forbidden by the law. It is allowed by in the legistlation if the animal remains unharmed by the act."

  My only desire now is to be with another male donkey similar to Edward and I decided                 I'd move to a place like Finland if I were to be in a sexual relationship again.

              Then I'd be very interested in finding a surgeon whom could create ;

              a vaginal canal that could accommodate a 20 inch donkey size penis.

   

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I so much have always wanted to look like this for my partner

Vulvoplasty;

The vulva is the outside part of the vagina. A vulvoplasty is a type of surgery that uses skin and tissue from a penis to create all of the outside parts of a vagina (except for the vaginal canal). 

The steps of a vulvoplasty are the same as a vaginoplasty. During a vulvoplasty, your surgeon will:

  • create a clitoris out of the glans (or head) of the penis,

  • create an inner and outer labia from skin on the penis and scrotum,

  • create the opening of the urethra so you can urinate, and

  • create the introitus (opening of the vagina).

The only thing that’s different between a full vaginoplasty and a vulvoplasty is the internal part of the vaginal canal.

  • Vaginoplasty creates a vaginal canal.

  • Vulvoplasty creates all the parts of a vagina except for the vaginal canal.

After vulvoplasty, this means you won’t be able to have intercourse or insert a penis into your vagina.

 

How Do I Choose Between a Vulvoplasty vs. Vaginoplasty?

A vulvoplasty has a much easier recovery. For example, you won’t need to dilate (or stretch) your vagina.

Another reason to consider vulvoplasty instead of vaginoplasty is because of medical problems or complications. One serious complication after vaginoplasty is called rectal injury. In some cases, a rectal injury can create a hole between your rectum and vagina.

But your chances of developing a rectal injury are much lower if you have a vulvoplasty instead of a vaginoplasty.

Sex & Vaginal Intercourse

Some patients know that they’re not interested in having vaginal intercourse. For these patients, a vulvoplasty may be a better choice.

After a vulvoplasty, you can still have orgasms through clitoral stimulation, just like with vaginoplasty. During a vulvoplasty, your surgeon will create a clitoris from the glans or head of the penis. 

                                                                                                                                                             - healthcare.utah.edu

 A Must Read Website for any Male to Female type trans person seeking " GRS " surgery ;

                   Post-Op; life after Reassignment or Orchiectomy / gendermedical.com

"Special Note to Those Thinking About a Sex Change,

                                                  by Danielle Berry

Don't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say.

That's advice I wish someone had given me. I had the sex change, I "pass" fine, my career is good but you can't imagine the number of times I've wished I could go back and see if there was another way. Despite following the rules and being as honest as I could with the medical folks at each stage, nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others.

I can speak the transgender party line that I was a female trapped in a male body and I remember feeling this way since I was 4. But, it's never that easy if you look at it sincerely and without preconception. There's little question that a mid-life crisis, a divorce and a cancer scare were involved in at least the timing of my sex-change decision. To be completely honest at this point (3 yrs post-op) is not easy, however, I'm not sure I would do it again. I'm now concerned that much of what I took as a gender dysfunction might have been nothing more than a neurotic sexual obsession. I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an ultimate turn-on. Ironically, when I began hormone treatment my libido went away. However, I mistook that relief from sexual obsession for validation of my gender change. Then in the final bit of irony, after surgery my new genitals were non-orgasmic (like 80% of my TG sisters).

So, needless to say, my life as a woman is not an ultimate turn-on. And what did it all cost? Over $30,000 and the loss of most of my relationships to family and friends. And the costs don't end. Every relationship I make now and in the future has to come to terms with the sex-change. And I'm not the only one who suffers. I hate the impact this will have on my kids and their future.

Anyway, I'm making it sound awful and it's not. There are some perks but the important things like being comfortable with myself and having a true love in my life don't seem like they were contingent on the change. Being my "real self" could have included having a penis and including more femininity in whatever forms made sense. I didn't know that until too late and now I have to make the best of the life I've stumbled into. I just wish I would have tried more options before I jumped off the precipice. I miss my easy access to my kids (unlike many TS's I didn't completely lose access to them though), I miss my family and old friends (I know they "shouldn't" have abandoned me but lots of folks aren't as open minded as they "should" be ... I still miss them) and finally, I hate the disconnect with my past (there's just no way to integrate the two unrelated lives). There's any number of ways to express your gender and sexuality and the only one I tried was the big one. I'll never know if I could have found a compromise that might have worked a lot better than the "one size fits all" sex-change. Please, check it out yourself before you do likewise."

 

- Danielle Berry -

Not to guess or discount the person's statement above, yet it seems they clearly state their reason for having the surgery done

        1.   " all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now."

        " I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an                     ultimate turn-on "

                                                       This person never mentions , being feminine for a male sexual partner

                                 Yet I'm thinking this person is not sexually-inverted / female sexually roled like myself.

                                  I am thinking the need to be in one's proper sexual role is a much more " real " pyschological

                                  motive for surgery.

        1. My motive is not to wear women clothes for the sake of looking cuter as a turn-on, it is to express my female role

           to a male sexual partner.

        2. My motive for wanting my penis removed, is due to fact that for whatever reason, I am sexually like a female mentally,

           or as I see it, " I have been pyscho-sexually fully emsculated since age 13 when I began very much wanting and                       having males sexually treat me like a girl, being female like for them, thus having them routinely penetrate me anally                 and ejaculate inside me. Thus for myself, to be sexually fulfilled, I have to attract a male then have him penetrate me,

           ideally " take his semen inside me "

        3. Both the zero-depth vagina/vulva , looking feminine are expressions of my emasculation, a way of showing a male                 that I am not male like sexually, and only want to perform for him like I am actually female. For example, even though 

          I truly love having a man's penis in my mouth, taking his semen by swallowing it, on my mind is always needing to get              his penis up inside me so I can take his semen up inside my body. So ideally I've always wished for a true functional                vagina, yet for medical reasons zero-depth vulva only practical, and fulfills my need of ;

                                                                   " Removing my penis " .........my maleness

  For myself it's very important;

       A male sexual partner knows that I want to sexually be like a female,and if he is good          to me, I want to do all I can to sexually please him. I always have to explain to a man            that , I want sex alot, so I want a man whom has same type desire

  Thus compared to the person above - " always fantasized going fem as an                            ultimate turn-on "

                                                                                            verse

   My ultimate turn-on is more like " having my man unzip his pants,pull out his hard cock, then tell me          to suck it , listen to him moan, knowing he is enjoying, then after a bit, he tells me to get on my hands and knees so              he can fuck me and ejaculate up in my bottom. I love listening to , feeling a man squirm,bucking                 about as he ejaculates inside me......OMG !, the ultimate way for me to feel feminine !

           

         

                           Transgender orchiectomy

Some people in our community choose bilateral orchiectomy prior to or instead of vaginoplasty. This medical procedure is also called orchidectomy or gonadectomy and is commonly known as castration or by the abbreviations “orch,” “orchi,” “orchy,” and “orchie.” Bilateral orchiectomy involves removal of both testicles, which eliminates the primary sources of androgen production.

Reasons to get an orchiectomy:

  • Costs much less money than vaginoplasty

  • Shorter recovery time

  • Fewer possible complications

  • Patients don’t need antiandrogens after the surgery

  • Patients can take lower doses of feminizing hormones after the surgery

Problems that can happen:

  • It can shrink the amount of tissue available for vaginoplasty

  • It leaves small scars which may affect a later vaginoplasty result

  •                                                                                                        -transgendermap.com

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In the photo above , I have my penis pulled back under me, with the orchiectomy, my testes would be completely removed, and they are what makes it difficult to pull back. My penis is easy to, I use a certain type balloon with a silicone egg  in it, attach the open end of balloon to tip of my penis, the egg aspect I slip up in my bottom, this pulls my penis tightly up under me securely.

      3/12/2020 - Talked to nurse at surgeon's office today about the  orchiectomy, as it is only surgery I can afford ( the vaginoplasty is 25000 ). Either way I must take testosterone replacement after surgery.  What to do now ??,   because I truly wish for the " Zero-Depth " vulvoplasty, get a loan ?

My main desire is to display that I am fully psychologically emasculated, and only desire to be in the role of a female sexually.

Not having a penis, is much ,much better for my identity as a person, as I am so psycho-sexually like a female.

My dilemma is, I know 100% that the "Zero Depth" is what I need to feel as fully feminine as I truly feel.

       Or it at least elimates the masculine/male symbolism from me ( view of penis), which contradicts my desire to only be in the female role sexually', and having a penis doesn't reflex my sexual role.

Thus, will call doctor Gallagher's office, to get another cost estimate.

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I have never desired to look female, other then have a " vagina "or Not have a penis, sure I want to look "Feminine " for a Man, yet only to degree that reflexes my sexual orientation is 100% female roled.

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I've dreamed, wished all my life to look like I do in photo above,

as a youth I was constantly tucking my penis up under me , so I could appear like a girl, some times use a magic maker to paint hair, then got found out cause used a marker that didn't wash  off so easily........:(

Even if I am unable to get surgery done, at least in my own mind , I can say I tired, explored as many options as possible.

 

 

For myself , I always felt as though not male nore female, though much more feminine then masculine, very much sexually inverted (psychological female like), thus I am only attracted to heterosexual males and not gay males
I am happy with just wearing padded bra, thus though dream of having breasts, nothing like my desire Not to have a penis.
Instead have a Female appearing " Vulva " the identify for self, and a male partner that I am completey female roled.
I inquiried last week about the cost of  male to female genital reassignment , I only desire a "zero-depth vaginoplasty " (just have female appearing vulva) they told me base cost was $ 25,000 dollars, thus not very attainable for myself, as have no insurance that covers such a surgery.
     Also the standard " rule " is one must take either male hormone or a female hormone. I wish to not do either, so a road block,
Yet, I am going over " idea " with surgeon, What if only a small pocket is created where the vagino-canal would normally be, thus one " testis " placed there, just under skin, (temp control) then no need for any hormones !, I am going to pursue this idea, til the there is no hope,  I did even explained I'd sign a waiver etc. be a " crash test dummy " of sorts, being in a teaching setting as it is a " teaching hospital "  if it don't work , remove the testis, then one would have to begin hormone replacement . I do see a lot of Stereotyping, assuming about the whole transgender dilemma, for example here is a excerpt from Wikipedia about "sexual inversion theory",    " The not people need the same thing "

" According to this theory, gay men and lesbians were sexual "inverts", people who appeared physically male or female on the outside, but felt internally that they were of the "opposite" anatomical sex (according to the binary view of gender). Therefore, same-sex desires and attraction were explained as "latent heterosexuality", and bisexual desire was known as psychosexual hermaphroditism – in other words, gay men and lesbians were really just heterosexuals who were "born in the wrong body", and "bisexuals" were what modern-day sexologists would call intersexuals (formerly hermaphrodites) by this theory (the bisexual person's "male" part supposedly has attractions towards females, and the "female" part have attractions towards males). I have never seen myself as " homosexual " , I see straight males as the opposite sex, and I've always felt psychologically female like, similar to.


My point I have no desire to pass as a female, my desire is to pass as a "Female roled male", and believe me I spent a life time trying to " Find what Fits ".." I feel so feminine don't to need that !, the vulva would be as much " Symbolic " psychologically, as " Affirming of my identity ".

The Hormone Dilemma is the " Road Block " for any type of Affirmation Surgery

 

For myself, unless they can come up with a method of maintaining one of the testes in the body to produce testosterone, the " GRS" surgery is not fesible or realistic, as I am not going to be dependent on taking testosterone rest of life.

1 . Number One you become a Life time patient, dependent, A addict to the "Hormones"

I very much wish,(have since puberty)

I truly wish I had a female looking vagina, as well as functioning,with the ability to take a man's penis up inside me like a true female can,yet the hormone issue,prevents this.

  Clearly I am not alone,as the person below as well wishs to perform sexually as a female,thus had their penis replaced with a funtioning female like vagina

Vaginoplasty

Transgender vaginoplasty involves creating a vagina, clitoris, labia majora, and labia minora using your existing genital tissue. Our surgeons use a penile inversion technique. This procedure is effective both for people who have and those who have not had orchiectomy in the past. Removal of the testes is required as a part of vaginoplasty.

We perform vaginoplasty under general anesthesia. Most people spend three full days in the hospital after surgery. Recovery from vaginoplasty can take up to three months, and requires intensive post-operative care. Most people spend the first seven to ten days after the procedure in bed, getting up only to go to the bathroom. It is important to have both someone who can help take care of you after surgery as well as the privacy you need to take care of yourself.

You will also need the privacy to dilate every day. Dilation involves inserting a medical dilator into the vagina to keep it from closing. The process can be painful and messy.

Creating a self-lubricating vagina has been a challenge. Our surgeons have pioneered an approach using the peritoneal lining. This tissue secretes moisture all of the time, but does not increase production with sexual arousal. The peritoneal lining is hairless and pink. While the peritoneal vaginoplasty does provide moisture, it is not self-lubricating. Patients will still need to use water based lubricant for intercourse and dilation. This is a new procedure, and we are still gathering data about the procedure's long-term safety and efficacy. This approach can work for patients who are not suited to a traditional penile inversion vaginoplasty.

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I have always dreamed of being able to have the ability to tell a man that I don't have a penis, and that I can take his penis up inside me similar to the way a true female can.

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I've never had desire to look like a female (pass as). My dilemma is being sexually "inverted", in that I only wish to perform as a female sexually.

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Like photo to right shows - me with my penis pulled back and up behind , I like this look and still retain testes so no hormone intervention is  needed. 

 At least it shows I can't / don't perform like a male sexually because " I don't have a penis "

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The above photo is what I think I could look like if kept testes, which I like, as it still shows that I am emasculated, and I desire only to be " Female-roled " sexually.

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My main desire is to not have the " penis " aspect of my maleness, yet maintaining " testes " eliminates need for use of " Hormones " after surgery. I personally don't wish to take any kind of hormones. My main objective is to be fully " emasculated " thus expressing my desire to be only female-roled sexually.

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A rendering of how maybe could look if retained testes and just had penis shaft completely removed, could still have orgasms like a normal male, yet expresses that I have choose to be emasculated. Helps express that I am fully committed to sexually performing in female sexual role.

Ideally though, I've always wished to have a truly functional vagina to offer to a boyfriend, so didn't have to always have to worry about getting my bottom clean every time he wished to " bone " me.

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As much as I love sucking cock, my number one desire has always been to get a boyfriend's cock up inside me so I can take his semen in me. Due to fact I am truly performing like a female the best I can.

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I've always wanted to go to a nude beach and look as I do above, or model for life-drawing classes, at least others would know that sexually I am like a female.

I'm sure there are quite a few other males like myself out there whom feel having a vagina best fits their sexual orientation

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A Question I've always had regarding "Shemale porn actors " ; "Do you wish you had a vagina and desire bottom surgery ? "

A interview with a shemale performer - Huffpost.com 

     While on the red carpet at the AVN Awards back in January, I couldn’t help but notice a cute, petite girl in a mirrored dress coming down the carpet after me. Waiting in line to be interviewed by Showtime, I found out that that the tiny woman was Madison Montag, who was nominated as “Transsexual Performer of the Year.”

          

           1. How do you identify sexually?;

             I identify myself as a straight woman.

        2. Would you ever get bottom surgery? Why or                why not?;

                   That’s a very interesting question. A year ago I said I wouldn’t, but at this point in my life, I’m not sure. I’m still very young and have time to think about it. I’m still growing mentally and physically, but I’m leaning towards “yes.” Only time will tell. For a lot of trans people the goal is not to have all the surgeries but to get to a place where you are living as the gender you present as, and where you are happy with yourself. I have found that a lot of trans people cannot be comfortable with any leftover misgendered parts, and that the obvious “end game” becomes complete sexual reassignment surgery.

Like myself, my sexual identity has always been what I feel is like that of a heterosexual female -me

As The technology is slowly improves for bottom surgery, and the hormone issues involved, cost will as well hopefully come down to be much more affordable. I know if I was content with current technology and could afford it, I'd have the " Vaginoplasty surgery ", so then I would be able to be penetrated by a man like I were female.

A Patient Gets the New Transgender Surgery She Helped Invent - wired.com

"Hayley Anthony recently became one of the first people in the world to have tissue incised from the cavity of   her abdomen and turned into a vagina." -2017

And for myself the ultimate way to feel lady-like sexually is to have a vagina .

  I've alway asked men to " please treat me like a girl, told them I am a wanna be transsexual, in regards to ; I don't want to have a penis, because I feel like I should have a vagina because I only want to have sex as though I am female

  ♥ 

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Yet for myself, even if I couldn't have a functioning female like vagina, at least I could " Not have a penis ", thus appear alot better Feminized and emasculated for my female sexual role.

  ♥ 

The following Statement shows that it has been Stereotyped ; to think a transsexuals wish to be the opposite sex, my gender is male, my sexuality is female, I don't desire to live as female,be female, yet I only wish to perform as a female does sexually and a big part of that is having a vagina.

 

Some surgeons who perform sex reassignment surgeries may require their patients to live as members of their target gender in as many ways as possible for a specified period of time, prior to any surgery. However, some surgeons recognize that this so-called real-life test for trans men, without breast removal and/or chest reconstruction, may be difficult. Therefore, many surgeons are willing to perform some or all elements of sex reassignment surgery without a real-life test. This is especially common amongst surgeons who practice in Asia. However, almost all surgeons practicing in North America and Europe who perform genital reassignment surgery require letters of approval from two psychotherapists; most Standards of Care recommend, and most therapists require, a one-year real-life test prior to genital reassignment surgery, though some therapists are willing to waive this requirement for certain patients.- Wikipedia ( Sex reassignment therapy )

Another way I can convey how I feel,

     I am so Feminized and emasculated psychologically I can't even imagine desiring to be sexually like a man.

                               

The memory that is most vivid, and impacting on me is when at about age 7, I seen my new step-sisters vulva. After that I simply have wished to be like a girl in this regard, then after puberty I've always wished to be like a girl is sexually, have sex with men,in the female role.

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7-14-2020

My frustration is most of all of the mainstream male to female transsexual therapy involves using female hormones, blocking testosterone etc. which I have no interest in.

My idea of being totally feminized physically is the need             

       " not having a penis ",

as I am already psychologically very feminine, my sexual role is 100% female. I know for sure at least since puberty that I've wanted to be like a female sexually.

 

Thus for me, if I were to get a vulvoplasty my main concern is loss of testosterone production.

Thus Post-Op life is big concern, and I am always seeking imfo. like from the following site ;

         gendermedical.com

Post-Op; life after Reassignment or Orchiectomy

Not all transgender patients undergo gender reassignment surgery (GRS) but for those who do so there are many challenges facing them.  GRS is a major crossroads in the trans journey involving two abrupt alterations, one structural, the other both structural & functional.

Life after surgery

The first change involves the external genitalia, shifting from penis to vagina which people focus upon almost exclusively, while ignoring the deeper changes.  This procedure doesn’t influence the rest of the body in terms of its functions, its state of general health or its metabolism.  It is purely local & structural.  In contrast the second procedure involves removal of the primary sex organs or gonads; a process which people frequently forget or choose to ignore, despite its life-changing influences.  
The gonads are the sources of our sexual hormones and include the ovaries in women & the testes in men.  The sexual hormones they elaborate in turn influence the fetal development, before we are even born, of our sexual characteristics, including either the penis or the vagina, thus determining what shows up at birth.  Now when it comes to the consequences of GRS the focus is far too often placed on these external genitalia because they are the outward, visible declarations of our sexuality and sexual identities, but removal of the gonads is far more important, being as it is both irreversible & potentially cataclysmic in terms of our physical & mental health.

What exactly is being lost here, functionally? 

In the male to female transsexual, removal of the testes translates hormonally into the loss of adult male levels of testosterone.  Male levels of testosterone are both defeminizing and masculinizing, keeping in mind that defeminization and masculinization are two separate issues even though they may operate synergistically, like the two engines of a twin-engine airoplane. Slow down one engine and/or speed up the other & the plane will turn in a certain direction.  
To clarify, let’s look at this scenario in terms of the breast, an obvious, sexually-defining hormonal target.  Because well-developed breasts are a hallmark characteristic of the female condition, people tend to think of them as targets solely for the feminizing hormones, in other words for estradiol and progesterone, but the fact is that androgens such as testosterone also have a significant impact on the breast, although in a defeminizing way that opposes the feminizing influences of estrogen and progesterone. Breast size and development depend on the net balance between feminizing & androgenizing hormones, the hormonal balance-sheet.  Why does this matter?  
Consider the case of a 40-year-old woman who has had both of her ovaries surgically removed for valid health reasons. Does this surgery cause her to become dramatically masculine, overnight?  The answer is that despite a dramatic loss of feminizing hormonal influences, there is no reason for her breasts to become masculinized, because she simply does not possess a male-typic level of testosterone capable of masculinizing her. Now in contrast consider a trans-woman who’s been taking effective doses of feminizing hormones for three full years, at a dosage sufficient enough to chemically castrate her. What will happen when she suddenly discontinues feminizing hormone therapy? The answer is that while it may take some months, depending on her dose of feminizing hormones and how long-acting they happen to be, sooner or later her testes will come back online. Sometime after that her breasts will begin to shrink back in the male direction, as a result of the masculinizing effects of her reemerging androgens, in contrast to the genetic female where there isn’t sufficient androgen present to effectively masculinize her.

Orchiectomy

So orchiectomy, the process of having one’s testicles removed surgically, is the most important of the processes involved with GRS as well as being permanant.  Some patients however will have an orchiectomy without GRS, in an effort to accelerate feminization while reducing the need for higher hormonal doses.  Either way, the patient in question is being castrated.  The hormonal consequences will be just the same, involving severe, abrupt deprivation from testosterone. 

Castration

Removal of the testes in the genetic male and of the ovaries in the genetic female leads to a sudden, severe hormonal drop off with testosterone depletion in both cases. Testosterone levels nosedive down to levels below those even characteristic of the genetic female norm.  Female castration occurs following an operation known as a TAH-BSO, which is applied in young women for a variety of health reasons including endometriosis and cancer. The bodies of these young women have been accustomed, up until the moment when their ovaries were removed, to the presence of generous levels of the sexual hormones even including testosterone, lying within the normal female range.  Hormonal withdrawal in these women, not only from estradiol & progesterone but also from testosterone is abrupt & drastic & the consequences can be seismic, both physically & mentally.  And the same set of problems that genetic women experience when surgically castrated tend also to crop up in trans-women following orchiectomy, unless some form of adequate hormone therapy is maintained so as to prevent hormonal deprivation.  Unfortunately, replacement hormone therapy is rarely either administered or sought after in the post-operative trans-woman. 

Hormone deprivation

The two kinds of patients for whom precision hormone therapy is most critically needed include the genetic woman who has undergone a premature menopause consequent to surgical removal of the ovaries and the post-operative trans-woman.  Their problems are just about identical as are their symptoms & the forces that drive them.  Treatment in both groups requires considerable professional expertise as well as an awareness on the part of both types of patient that even when hot flashes fade away, the body still suffers from the consequences of hormonal depletion.  So the optimal post-surgical life for both the trans-woman & the young genetic woman who has lost her ovaries, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, sexually & in a broadly physical sense involves optimal, expertly administered precision HRT. 

Lack of HRT

For many but not all trans-women, gender reassignment is the ultimate goal, the moment when one crosses the gender river.  But this moment, far from being an end, a culmination, is actually only the beginning.  Once the testes have been removed, the only significant source of sex hormones is hormonal therapy arriving from the outside.  Despite this, many if not most post-operative trans-women, believing they have now reached their ultimate feminine goal, back off from receiving feminizing hormone therapy or quit it completely, believing as they do that having a vagina is all they need.  This is a terrible mistake. 

Problems assailing the post-op trans-woman

Far too many post-operative trans-women receive little or no ongoing hormone therapy, focused medical follow-up or problem-oriented health monitoring.  This might have been a vaguely acceptable approach in the past, when we believed that sex hormones were only sexual in their influences, but now we know better.  Now finally appreciating the true scope of sex hormone influence, not only slow but rapid & not only sexual but broadly physical & critically mental, it behooves us to show more insight & more medical responsibility.  We need to become more aware of the importance of the body’s hormonal milieu. 

The symptoms

It shouldn’t be so surprising therefore to discover that many post-operative trans-women, having achieved their life’s desire, are surprisingly tired, haggard & disappointed, lacking physical energy & assailed by frequent episodes of anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings, depression & even suicidal urgings, not because of who they are as many judgmentally assume, looking with jaundiced eye at the trans-woman & her life choices, but because of hormonal deficiency & lack of adequate, precisely metered hormonal care.  And they lack both sexual interest & orgasmic function as well.   
Other more easily overlooked problems include changes in personality, either overt or subtle, cognitive dysfunction including glitches in memory & concentration, generalized aches & pains resembling so called fibromyalgia, frequent headaches, insomnia & irritable bowel symptoms.  And these are just the obvious, overt problems.  At the same time, unbeknownst to the patient, sex hormone depletion is inexorably fueling the silent development of early heart disease, osteoporosis, dementia, insulin resistance & weight gain, cholesterol problems & accelerated cosmetic aging. 

How can we be so negligent?

Considering these dire consequences of chronic hormone depletion, how can this standard of care, this deplorable deficiency continue?  Because modern medicine is still far too symptoms-oriented in its approach, depending on the use of addictive sedatives and analgesics such as opiates, as well as mind-numbing, sex-destroying anti-depressants & marijuana, drugs that, despite frequently being ineffective, may be not only dangerous but riddled with side-effects that further compound the complications of castration, such as brain-fog, worsening sexual dysfunction, weight gain, even diabetes.  Better treatments are available that happen to be user-friendly, even sex-friendly, methods that actually work based on a precision form of hormone therapy.  These methods won’t be found in rigid protocols, medical cookbooks, so called standards of care or the frozen bibles of managed care. 

Total care

Perhaps people don’t care what happens to a group of people whom they sometimes find embarrassing or discomforting such as the transgendered.  Whatever the reason, it is urgently needed that we change the current approach, not only for trans-women but for those genetic women who are crossing the threshold of menopause as well.  Ultimately only the trans-woman herself can force the issue of improved post-operative health care, & that is why we at O’Dea Medical have placed a particular emphasis on post-operative trans-care, not only vaginal care but care for the brain, the mind, the bones, the heart, the metabolism, the life!  
Crossing the gender river & achieving ones goal should make the trans-woman feel her verybest ever.  Unfortunately the lack of ambient feminizing hormones even in the absence of testicles or of male levels of testosterone may cause the gender dysphoria that for so long has bothered the trans-woman emotionally to continue unabated.  More than ever before trans-hormone therapy needs to be precise & accurate after GRS since it has now become the only significant source of sexual hormones in her body.  Dips & depletions in the presence of hormones at this point have a far greater negative impact than in the pre-operative transsexual, who may dislike her continued production of male hormones but who at least isn’t hormonally running on empty. 

What about oral hormone therapy in the post GRS trans-woman?

Of those few women who do continue on hormone therapy after GRS, the majority are taking oral estrogen from their family doctors, without accompanying progesterone or testosterone treatment.  This can be a problem.  First of all many trans-women at the time of gender reassignment simply haven’t received adequate feminizing therapy so far, and although they are now demasculinized, they have still been far from adequately feminized.  Some of these women, when now introduced to truly effective forms of feminizing HRT for the very first time, will continue to progressively feminize for another 5 or so more years as they play catch up.   Oral hormone therapy is thoroughly inadequate for these women since oral estradiol is mainly converted into estrone and is very short acting, leaving the body totally depleted for more than half the day.  And finally testosterone therapy in very subtle dosages may also be necessary. 

The bottom line

To sum up, many post-GRS or post-orchiectomy women feel that with their testes removed & a functional vagina surgically created, they are now fully transitioned & have all the femininity they will ever need, particularly if they have already obtained breast implants, silicone injections & other measures of faux femininity.  The problem with this kind of thinking is that while surgery may have removed their source of masculinizing hormones, it does nothing to create a source of feminizing hormones.   This is a dangerous road to travel since it carries with it a host of physical & mental problems, problems too easily blamed on the marginalized trans-woman herself instead of her lack of hormones.  The hard fact is that once the trans-woman recovers from surgery, she is on her own, often medically abandoned, isolated & thoroughly undertreated.     
The good news is that precision hormone therapy can restore this woman, emotionally, intellectually, sexually and physically to a state of good health while often dispensing with the need for symptomatic care, but that requires good judgment & hormonal expertise.  - gendermedical.com

My concept of being a transsexual/ female-roled male / berdache type person

I simply love how I look not having a penis , fits me so much better, as my desire is to feel feminine,and female sexually roled.

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Ever Since I can remember I've dreamed of having a vulva/vagina, even prior to actually starting to have post-puberty sex with other males

 

I know for myself, the only thing that keeps me from actually prevents me from undergoing or stops my pursuit of having the vaginoplasty surgery ,whether it be zero-depth or a functioning vagina is loss of testosterone due to removal of testes.

    Yet if sudden if the surgery came available, which retained testes internal, in order to Not disrupt normal hormone production.I would very much try to make it a reality.

    Thus any new technologies pertaining to this type surgery ,I've always kept ear out  for.

Excerpt from ;  " Manatees Cool the Jewels with an Inguinal Venous Plexus " , 

  " Elephants comprise one group of truly testicond mammals; with a core body temperature above 36C, and no identified cooling mechanism for the intra-abdominal testicles, these proboscideans appear to violate the temperature hypothesis for evolution of the scrotum and testicular descent (Werdelin and Nilsonne, 1999). Other mammals that are truly testicond, such as tenrecs, golden moles, and monotremes, have relatively low core body temperatures. The exceptional elephants have close relatives that regulate testicular temperature in two different manners. Hyraxes (Hyracoidea) have poor internal thermoregulation, and thus control core temperature behaviorally; also, reproduction is seasonal in these animals, such that continuous production of sperm is not required.

The Sirenia (dugongs and manatees) are also close relatives of elephants, and the reproductive organs of the Florida Manatee (Trichechus manatus latirostris) would seem to be at risk, due to insulating fat, proximity to heat-generating swimming muscles, and a core body temperature of 36C. Therefore, Rommel and colleages (2001) examined the vascular anatomy of structures surrounding the reproductive organs in both male and female manatees, obtained as carcasses necropsied by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After removing ventral skin, fat and abdominal muscle to expose the organs, the researchers focused their attention on the anatomy of a region called the hypogastric fossa, where body wall thickness is reduced. Veins and arteries in this region were injected with colored latex, through the caudal vena cava, and the aorta, respectively. "

  

 

    As much as I truly wish I had a vulva and not a penis

          It doesn't seem rational or feasible with todays methods

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I know I would like to look like this for a man when I bend over and and wait for him to penetrate my bottom, and if I could find a surgeon who could make pussy lips with my testes concealed in the lips, I'd have that surgery.

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My main desire is to " Not have a Penis ", and I already know I love taking cock in my bottom, so a vulvoplasty is to show a man that I am fully "Female-roled " and I want to be sexually treated like I am female. 

The ability to conceal the testicles in the lips of the vulva, would elimate need for any type of " Hormones ", which is big road block for me seeking " GRS " surgery

                                  Verse ;

having my " much un-wanted penis hanging there limp and slapping about useless and not needed"                               like in below video

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Having a Penis, for the most part is a "Conflict with Identity Role "

I always dreamed of being able to tell a potential boyfriend that due to fact that I have always felt I should be sexually female roled, I had my penis removed. Then when I bend over for him he doesn't have to see a penis, and I can at least look more female like, even though he still will have to penetrate me anally.

 In the past, once a Str8 guy got me alone and allowed me to perform for him, then he could see that I am completely female roled, and often would take me as his "Fem-boy slut/fuck-buddy",yet often they would tell me that they felt best if I just sucked their cock,due to fact that fucking my bottom seemed too Gay for them. Even though I would tell them I always have felt female sexually,tell them I wished so much that I didn't have a penis.

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Libre Baskerville is a classic font with a modern twist. It's easy to read on screens of every shape and size, and perfect for long blocks of text.

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                       Transgender People feel Gender Dysphoria. http://transcare.org/

Gender dysphoria involves a conflict between a person’s physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.

People with gender dysphoria may often experience significant distress and/or problems functioning associated with this conflict between the way they feel and think of themselves (referred to as experienced or expressed gender) and their physical or assigned gender.

Diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) provides for one overarching diagnosis of gender dysphoria with separate specific criteria for children and for adolescents and adults.

In adolescents and adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six months and is shown by at least two of the following:

  1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics

  2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics

  3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

  4. A strong desire to be of the other gender

  5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender

  6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender

In children, gender dysphoria diagnosis involves at least six of the following and an associated significant distress or impairment in function, lasting at least six months.

  1. A strong desire to be of the other gender or an insistence that one is the other gender

  2. A strong preference for wearing clothes typical of the opposite gender

  3. A strong preference for cross-gender roles in make-believe play or fantasy play

  4. A strong preference for the toys, games or activities stereotypically used or engaged in by the other gender

  5. A strong preference for playmates of the other gender

  6. A strong rejection of toys, games and activities typical of one’s assigned gender

  7. A strong dislike of one’s sexual anatomy

  8. A strong desire for the physical sex characteristics that match one’s experienced gender

                 Is There Something Unique about the Transgender Brain?

Imaging studies and other research suggest that there is a biological basis for transgender identity

There is something unique about the Transgender brain. This article was published in Scientific American in 2016 by Francine Russo.

Some children insist, from the moment they can speak, that they are not the gender indicated by their biological sex. So where does this knowledge reside? And is it possible to discern a genetic or anatomical basis for transgender identity? Exploration of these questions is relatively new, but there is a bit of evidence for a genetic basis. Identical twins are somewhat more likely than fraternal twins to both be trans.

Male and female brains are, on average, slightly different in structure, although there is tremendous individual variability. Several studies have looked for signs that transgender people have brains more similar to their experienced gender. Spanish investigators—led by psychobiologist Antonio Guillamon of the National Distance Education University in Madrid and neuropsychologist Carme Junqué Plaja of the University of Barcelona—used MRI to examine the brains of 24 female-to-males and 18 male-to-females—both before and after treatment with cross-sex hormones. Their results, published in 2013, showed that even before treatment the brain structures of the trans people were more similar in some respects to the brains of their experienced gender than those of their natal gender. For example, the female-to-male subjects had relatively thin subcortical areas (these areas tend to be thinner in men than in women). Male-to-female subjects tended to have thinner cortical regions in the right hemisphere, which is characteristic of a female brain. (Such differences became more pronounced after treatment.)

“Trans people have brains that are different from males and females, a unique kind of brain,” Guillamon says. “It is simplistic to say that a female-to-male transgender person is a female trapped in a male body. It’s not because they have a male brain but a transsexual brain.” Of course, behavior and experience shape brain anatomy, so it is impossible to say if these subtle differences are inborn.

Other investigators have looked at sex differences through brain functioning. In a study published in 2014, psychologist Sarah M. Burke of VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam and biologist Julie Bakker of the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience used functional MRI to examine how 39 prepubertal and 41 adolescent boys and girls with gender dysphoria responded to androstadienone, an odorous steroid with pheromonelike properties that is known to cause a different response in the hypothalamus of men versus women. They found that the adolescent boys and girls with gender dysphoria responded much like peers of their experienced gender. The results were less clear with the prepubertal children.

This kind of study is important, says Baudewijntje Kreukels, an expert on gender dysphoria at VU University Medical Center, “because sex differences in responding to odors cannot be influenced by training or environment.” The same can be said of another 2014 experiment by Burke and her colleagues. They measured the responses of boys and girls with gender dysphoria to echolike sounds produced by the inner ear in response to a clicking noise. Boys with gender dysphoria responded more like typical females, who have a stronger response to these sounds. But girls with gender dysphoria also responded like typical females.

Overall the weight of these studies and others points strongly toward a biological basis for gender dysphoria. But given the variety of transgender people and the variation in the brains of men and women generally, it will be a long time, if ever, before a doctor can do a brain scan on a child and say, “Yes, this child is trans.”

 

My Story – Karen Adell Scot.

I absolutely knew I was female when I was nearly three years old. My mother told me, “Come into the front room little boy” and I looked at her and said, “No mommy, I not boy, I girl.” Each night I would tuck my little boy plumbing back between my legs and wish it would be gone by morning. I completely knew I was female. My father used an electric shear to buzz off all my platinum blonde hair and I countered with putting on a scarf to feel like I had long hair. I asked my mommy what my name would have been if I was born girl and she said, “Karen Adell.” So I WAS Karen Adell. That is my name now that I have transitioned.

This is called “Early Onset Transgenderism.” Those transgender people know totally that they are not the gender their body resembles at a very young age.

Other transgender people feel dysphoria all of their lives but fight against it due to cultural pressures to conform as the gender they are expected to present. They finally transition later in life.

This is called “Late Onset Transgenderism.” Those transgender people find that they simply cannot fight against the strong pull of Gender Dysphoria and must transition to their real gender, even if late in life, even if shunned, ostracized and dumped by their families.

Why do I look so "Right " having a vulva instead of a penis ; to me ?

I know I love the feeling of feeling " Feminine "

I know there has always been this life-long feeling , like in back of my mind in form of " Wish " to have a vulva instead of a penis, this feeling really surfaced once I started modeling nude for art classes, many,many times while posing , the thought would enter my mind , " I so much wish I didn't have a penis ".

10/27/2020

    I wrote the below passage on my page about Terrace this weekend, when I wrote thus I'd never have to worry about finding a man." the funny thing was, I almost instantly thought to myself , " will the urge to have a vulva go away if I really did have one man I could belong to and serve sexually ? ", after all he already has been with me sexual as I am with a penis .

   My conclusion kinda is, the want to have not have a penis is more about my own internal need to feel feminine, I know I have always not wished to feel masculine.

    And I still would desire to look Feminine / sexy as I could for William.

As with all they men of the past that I have had sex with, I have always tried to look,..act...be as Feminine for them as possible within my ability. 

    I have thought to myself many times , " If I didn't have a penis, that means homosexual men will not waste their time for the most part, which I found to be true, with exception of those men that identify as " Top only ", which I have been fucked by alot of  " Top only " men, and very much like how they treated me, and I am not opposed to "belonging to a Top only man as his full time Fem-male / berdache. Yet even with those Top men whom never showed any interest in my penis other then making a comment that they liked that my penis was tiny and limp while they fucked me. I still would tell them, " I so much wish I did not have a penis though, because "I want a cock in me not on me , that is in my mouth or bottom "

In my actual writing of " Terrace", William and I grew up together,he is 3 years older ,I had been sucking his penis since 6 years old yet once I puberty he being a Str8 male takes me in a berdache type role and starts penetrating me anally because I so much want him to. By then even though he dates females, because he and I are such good friends, knows I am third-gender type (not gay), he knows I only want to be a Str8 man's girly-boyfriend, am having gender-dysphoria issues, want GRS surgery, so I can have a female like vagina/vulva.

  He fully understands society, knows that it will be very difficult for me to find a Str8 male whom will take me as a full time partner, thus he continues to allow me to suck his cock, as well as fucks me, puts me in the " Female-role ", which I much need, which keeps me safe, as I can simply have sex with him.

                                                     To make a long story short

  I meet Jodi modeling nude for a life drawing class, soon I am modeling privately for her at her home, then soon due to fact she is a widow, living on a large estate all alone, and has a carriage house out back with Terrace ,where I pose for her alot. Soon she offers me the carriage house to live in, as well as her and I soon develop a very close friendship, thus I reveal to her that I am a "female-roled male", explain to her that I am only sexually attracted to Str8 men, so I can be in the female role for them, I explain to her that I have been saving my money for along time, in hopes that I can get the surgery to remove my penis and replace it with a female like / looking vulva.

   This leads Jodi to tell me that I was welcome to have a boyfriend spend the night with me, which leads me to explain to her my relationship with William, yet also telling her that I'd love to see her and William meet, maybe they'd like each other, go on a real date, get married, be a normal couple  with normal romantic relationship and then maybe I could just live with you two's, and maybe you'd let William keep fucking me, thus I'd never have to worry about finding a man.Explained to Jodi, I could just help you out,model for you, work on the estate, as I am a carpenter, modeling is part-time passion, doesn't pay the bills.

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My mental coflict, gender dysphoria don't arise from not passing as a female , as I've always felt as though I am a third-gender type or not completely male or female, yet 100% female sexually roled, thus I wish to perform for a male partner as best I can as a female ,and pleasure him to the best of my ability.

I very much want a close loving relationship with a male partner, yet at same time I want "Used" sexually by him, thus desire a partner with a high sex drive so I can perform for him as often as possible.

Thus I very much desire to have a female like body, yet have no desire to look female in regards to my facial identity, this I despise, loathe having a penis and testes, as I hate projecting to a male partner any type of male sexually identity on my part, why it is very important that I covey to a male sexual partner that I am 100% female roled sexually, I never wish to perform like a man sexually in any way,shape or form.

I much prefer being female-roled for ;

                  a "jack" donkey or stallion horse

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Due to where I lived, life events and circumstance I be-friended a male donkey I named "Edward " when I was 13.

  After stopping at the stables where he lived routinely petting him,taking carrots to feed him as treats, one day he got a erection,

  I found myself so sexually excited by seeing he long penis, once I peddled my bike back home I hurried to my bedroom got my pants off and started performing auto-fellatio on my self.

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After that , all I could think about was having Edward's penis in my mouth, and would he let me suck it .

  Thus ,that evening I peddled back out to see if Edward might get erect for me again. Once I arrived, went to fence, and he hurried to me to get a carrot, I then started rubbing his sides, then climb the fence to get closer and not be hinder by fence , as I rubbed him closer towards his penis it began to grow, soon  it was hanging all the way out, I knelt down, and then slide my hand all the down his belly to his shaft, then carefully started feeling it up and down with my finger tip, in seconds, it went stiff, as juices leaked from the tip, being inches only from my lips, I leaned foward, and sucked into my,Edward responded by jerking his pelvis, I gripped his penis ,as he jerked again,this time his cock head flared filling my mouth, I gripped his shaft real firmly now, as he thrust his penis into my mouth,hanging on to his fur best I could with my left hand, gripping his shaft with right, he he gave 3 or 4 more quick jerks, then a huge load of semen erupted into my mouth, I just held on and swallowed it squirted out in 3 or 4 more big squirts.....I knew as I stood up , licking my lips and hand of the remaining semen.......I wasn't normal, in that I knew I wanted to be like a female if it was a female role to do that .

  To make a long story short ;

              Soon summer break from school arrived, and my routine quickly became ; ride to the stables and see Edward , if he was interested , I'd perform fellatio on him til he ejaculated in my mouth, then head back home, mow yards that needed, then ride back to stables, hang out with Edward, if he showed interest, I'd give him another blow-job.

              After about week of giving him a few blow-jobs every day, I started riding back and forth every 2 or 3 hours, and soon found out he could and would get erect each time, and seemed eager for me to suck it,, thus it became common for me to give him 3-6 blowjobs each day. Often if I stayed and played frisbee or ball with him, he be ready for another blow-job in 15 minutes. (by end of summer 30 times a week was normal)

               Summer break went fast, too fast, yet the new school year mean't a new school, with that was gym classes where we had open showers, thus I soon would get to see a black student's big cock in the showers, he soon would notice me staring at it, and he soon would seduce me into sucking it.

               After a week or so of giving my new boyfriend a blow-job every day, he introduced me to a older black male whom I started sucking as well. Soon they started talking about wanting me to start taking their cocks up inside my bottom, which very much excited me, yet I'd never had anything up my bottom, yet wanted to try.

    Thus the explained to me how to get my bottom clean, gave me a enema bag and a dildo on a saturday morning , I went home prepped  my bottom as they instructed me to do, at lunch time we all three met at the secret spot in the woods where I gave them blow-jobs, They had had me bend over a log, spread me open,lubed me up good with vasoline ,then the friend my age got his cock head in my bottom, and with one thrust he pushed all 8 inches up in me, then pulled out, then then older friend did same yet humped me with 3 or 4 thrusts, they took turns doing that for a good half hour, then the friend my age got in front of me and had me start sucking as the other mounted me and humped me til ejaculating, then other did in my mouth,,this became a routine weekend and evening event.

         The greatest aspect of it all was that I realized how much I loved being mounted and the feel of a penis inside and how feminine I felt.

I loved how my two boyfriends told me " how I should of been born a girl".

                                 Thus by the fall of my 13th year, I clear knew I wanted to be like a female, only have sex like I was a female.

  By having my two friends introduce me anally sex, teaching me how to get my bottom clean, then lubed, then opened up using the 2 foot long double ended dildo....., I was confident and very eager to get Edward's 22 inch penis up inside. 

   It was a bit tricky to get him to hop up on my back to mount, then get his penis started in first few attempts, yet I was so lucky, as once inside me , like so natural he'd use steady firm thrust and push all 22 inches up inside, then with great intensity I feel as his penis head flared, then followed by 3 or 4 firm short deep thrusts, then he'd go calm as he began impregnating me with his semen.

  Once Edward was routinely using my bottom my interest in my two friends soon faded, then when the three of us were discovered, and I was publicly humilated by other students, .... I ended the relationship with them and stayed loyal to Edward as his surrogate jenny for breeding, and for the next 21 years I took great pleasure in being bred by him. 

    I tried being normal (be a man)) few times, just simply impossible.

Reason I wrote this here is that, the main reason I desire to have a zero-depth vulvoplasty is so I don't have a penis.

I consider my bottom my "vagina" or my female sexual organ, and I only desire to have a male donkey or horse as my Man.

I very much  spent a life-time training to be bred by either a donkey or horse, keeping my bottom conditioned and ready just for taking donkey or horse penis and know this is only way to take their length and size completely up in me.

  Yet I still want to appear female like with a                                      "vulva"

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                     Realizing I wanted to be a " Wife "

Growing up in rural mid-American horses,ponies,donkeys were seen daily and with a boarding stable about a 10 minute bikes ride from my house and it was very common for me to ride pass the stables everyday,stopping often to pet them. I always felt the stables were a place where horses whom got bought as a pet by someone, rode and  given attention, then the newest wore off, and here they stayed in most part ignored by their owner, I felt this way, as it was very unusual to ever see a human at the stables,let alone see the horses being ridden,groomed etc.

For myself, the stables and my interactions with the horses, always admiring their strength and beauty, and then there was Edward the donkey whom I met at age 10 and soon found I was very fond of ,spent much time petting him , yet as I started into puberty (age 13), the fact that Edwards long penis was often dropped out , I then realized I was extremely sexually attracted to Edward.
  At this time, I discovered I could easily take my entire penis in my mouth and suck it til I ejaculated, thus this became the way I masturbated. I now clearly desired to to sucking Edwards penis and due to our knowing each other so well , when I did finally get the courage and the chance one day when his penis was dropped out , I went down on my knees and took it in my mouth, Edward was very accommodating and gracious, he stood fairly still, yet soon showed his excitiment by getting fully erected and jerking about as I held his shaft with my hands with my lips wrapped around his now, big flared penis tip,I don't know how long the two of us were locked together like this, it seemed like it was a very short time when his semen started pumping into my mouth, I know it was all I could do to gulp it down as it flooded my mouth, yet I was able to swallow all of it without gagging.
  I stood up, and all I could do was hold him and hug him, I knew at that moment I wanted him for my campanion and lover, for the first time I thought to myself " I want to be Edward's girlfriend ", I wanted him like my  Man, like life long partners, married.

 

 I think this is when I clearly knew I wanted to be female roled, that I wanted to be a " Wife " , not a husband.
  The following day, I couldn't wait to get out to see Edward, so I rode out to stables as the sun rose, and to my delight he was just as eager to see me and as he hurried to me his penis was dropping out, I had brought with me a bottle of warm water and soft sponge, so I waited til he was to me then give him a big hug, and petted him as I went down on my knees, washed his penis gently, again he was  very accommodating and gracious as he patiently allowed me to wash ,then massage his penis, til we were repeating the act just as we had yesterday.
  This quickly became our daily ritual, every mourning I get up early eat my breakfast then hurry to stables, there Edward would be waiting and ready for me to " Milk " his penis, I absolutely loved the taste of his semen and the amount he was able to give in his ejaculation.

   Soon summer break arrived, and I knew I wanted to be with Edward as much as possible, just to be with him, hang out, play ball/frisbee, walk in woods as well as sexually pleasure him.
   Thus by spending more time with him, I soon found out he really liked me to milk his penis, and after spending the better part of a day with him a few times , I discovered he was very receptive to offering me his penis to milk every few hours.

In my mind this was what I wanted to do with my life, as far as being anothers partner, I knew I loved Edward, loved being with him constantly, and I wanted for him to get me pregnant, though I knew logically impossible, I wished whole heartly that he could, and I knew from pictures, seeing animals breeding and from seeing my mom getting mounted by my step-father often in the night how we get pregnant.

                       " I was very much ready for Edward to start impregnating me " 

                       I wished so much that he could get me pregnant

                       though sounds silly-crazy I truly wanted to be.

  It very much became my goal / mission to be able to take his penis up inside  me so he could truly start trying to breed me.

  - My oldest sexual fantasy or just fantasy is to be partnered with a centaur -

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I can recall that at a much earlier age then when I met Edward , maybe age 9 or 10 I dreamed of having a centaur boyfriend ,

                                                   (by this time I knew I wanted to be female) 

               similar to-" Chiron and Achilles " by John Singer Sargent.

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Or Giovanni Battista Cipriani - " Chiron Instructing Achilles in the Bow " (below)

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Thus for me, meeting Edward and him treating me as his girlfriend was a dream come true, and now that I knew I could pleasure him sexually in return he made me feel so feminine and desirable .

I think that meeting my two boyfriends whom took me as their " Femboy ", and showed me how to take a man's penis up inside my bottom properly was a really good thing to happen, as I now knew I loved taking a penis up inside my bottom and I was as ready as I could possible be to have Edward start mating with me.

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I must say I was extremely excited to be ready for Edward to mount me, yet as much as I was excited, I was afraid he might not mount me, then afraid that I wouldn't be able to take all of his penis that deep. 

  I even made up a fake donkey (jenny) like tail to wear to help show him that I wished for him to mount and breed me.

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Edward had never seen me without pants on, nude in anyway, he didn't know what I looked like nude, thus I was concerned about shocking him in away so to not be interested.

 

I thought about concealing my testes and penis some how so he couldn't see them hanging down.

To my relief, all went well, he jump up so his chest/belly were on my back, with both of our's efforts we got his cock head started in me, and with a firm push he got all the way up in me,soon I was in pure bliss feeling  completely a part of him as his penis flared it was as though I was locked to him.  Just knowing he was about to start filling me with his live sperm so deep up in me made me start shaking as he jerked/humped his body into me.

In essense ,

   the primary reason I desire a vulvoplasty is to rid myself of a penis and the maleness it presents.

                         or

better put ;

  I only want a penis on my lover not me