Whom are you trying to Attract

          A conundrum at least for me ;

Posing nude has greatly helped me explore this mental dilemma or conundrum

Posing nude for Artists if anything has been seemly a desire for acceptance and affirmation, and I have never sensed any form of sexual excitement from posing nude for men or women.

I have always felt that the only one whom I wished to truly attract has been my donkey lover Edward.

Secondly would be a heterosexual male whom wants me to perform sexual for him in the passive, receptive female role for him , and will take me as his full time sexual partner.

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Nature verse Nuture aspect of Sexual attraction

Ever since I can remember , my primary sexual fantasy I would imagine when , when sucking my own penis, masturbating, using my dildo in my bottom , my fantasy would be and pretty has remained the same ;

 

      -I am with my Centaur boyfriend, and he is breeding me-

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I didn't seek my donkey boyfriend Edward out, it was all just by chance he and I met simply because we both lived in the same place and time, I become sexually mature due to puberty, I had alreay been sucking my own penis and ejaculating in my mouth,..thus at this point when seeing him with his penis hanging out and especially when he'd become fully erect and his penis head would flare, I became extremely excited and very much wanted to stroke it and suck it and taste his semen.

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Then one day, as I was hanging out with him, at the time just rubbing his back, looking down next to my knee was his fully flared penis, as though by instinct I dropped to my knees gently grasped the shaft of his penis, began stroking it, Edward was soon jerking about, then suddenly a huge blast of semen shot out onto my face, tasting the semen,as another shot out, I quickly opened my mouth wide, held his shaft aiming it into my mouth, like image below, he ejaculated a huge amount of semen into my mouth to swallow. 

     " I was very much " hooked " , and knew I very much wanted he and I to always do this "  

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Though whether it be a Donkey, a horse, or a Man, having them ejaculating in my mouth is very Feminizing for me, and a feeling that I most desire.

                   " Yet I much prefer being with a donkey"

                  And simply know this from life experience

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- I was extremely excited......

when classmate from school asked me to suck his penis -

There was alot going on at this time in my life, number going through puberty, then by chance discovering very quickly I could and very much liked to suck my own penis so I could ejaculate in my own mouth, then discovering Edward my donkey friend would allow me to suck his penis and ejaculate in my mouth which really reinforced my thoughts of feeling feminine and wishing I was female, which I had always seemed to feel as since very young.

  Thus when friend at school asked me to suck his penis, I was so happy to get his attention, have him offer me the chance to perform for him like a girl.

  I felt very lucky when my boyfriend told me he thought I was very girly, and he wanted me to perform like a girl for him, he wanted me suck his penis whenever he asked, thus I loved the feeling of being submissive to him.

  Once I'd been sucking my boyfriend's penis everyday that first week, he told me of a older male friend of his whom he knew well that was interested in meeting me, I said I'd like to as long as he was with me, and that if I didn't like it, he had to be there to intervene. My boyfriend explained to me that his friend was very nice, he had a big penis I'd surely like, and he was very experienced at having sex with  girly-boys like me.

   I agreed to meet this new friend, the following evening arriving at the place in the woods were I would meet my boyfriend for the past week, to my surprise and with excitement was this new friend whom as I approached began unzipping his pants , so by the time I was close he had his beautiful, very big black cock out, nothing had to be said, I dropped to my knees and began sucking, wasn't long he was pumping semen in my mouth, then my boyfriend had me suck him.

   Once my boyfriend ejaculated, they both explained to me they wanted to started using me like a real girl , or that is  start fucking my girly-boy bottom so they could impregnate me with semen, I was extremely excited, as I'd been dreaming of Edward my donkey doing that to me, for some time I'd been inserting bananas up my bottom, thus I very much wanted a man in my bottom. New friend explained to me how to the importance of getting my bottom very cleaned and lubed, then how to using a long dildo which he said he'd bring tomorrow evening. The following evening all three of us met, New Friend handed me a large brown paper grocery bag he was holding, then told me to look inside , I pulled out a very long dildo he had wrapped in a towel, and rubber tipped douche bottle with he said was for injecting oil into my bottom prior to inserting dildo, I was very excited as I dropped down and eagerly got his pants unzipped and getting his penis out so I could start giving him a blow-job, he explained to me as I sucked him,how to get my bottom full of veg.oil then just work the dildo in and out ,getting myself clean first, then taking my time work it deeper and deeper, and always making sure plenty of oil was up in me.

  After I sucked both of my friends, I quickly headed to bathroom with my dildo, got my bottom oiled, and set to work learning the art of preparing myself to take a man's penis and a donkey penis, as it was foremost on my mind that I wanted Edward to start breeding like a girly-boy too.

   I realize now how lucky I was to guide me and train me in the proper way to perform like a female-roled male sexually, especially in how to take large cocks up inside my bottom as comfortably , as cleanly and safely as possible. It may not seem relevant to most people, yet for myself, it is most important for me, as in order to perform sexually in the female role, I have to be very good at taking a penis up in my bottom.

   I think I was first and foremost so happy my two boyfriends were Attracted to me, liked that I wanted to be like a girl, were very nice and gentle with me, and willing to train me to perform sexually like a girl.

   After using my new dildo as told, I found I could easily get my bottom very clean, as well as easily get about 12 inches up inside me, and New Friend had told me his penis was 10 inches, thus I was very excited the following evening to get to the woods to meet them.

  I got there early, got my pants off, I was so excited at the idea of getting to show New Friend  my bottom, and hoped so much he would like it.

  New Friend , as I hoped arrived first, seeing me naked from the waist down, he smiled and simply said " good girl ", as he got to me , I dropped to my knees and got his pants down enough to get his penis out, then in my most feminine submissive voice I told him that my bottom was clean and ready for him.

   He told me to get down on my hands and knees as he worked at getting his pants completely off, he asked if I remembered to bring the douche bottle filled with oil, I told him it was in the paper bag by my pants, he got it , the got on his knees behind , told me he really liked my bottom as he gentle injected some oil up inside my bottom, then the next thing I knew his cock head was popped in, and slowly sliding up inside me, he did'nt stop pushing it in till all 10 inches were in me. 

  All I could do was moan as he held himself tight in me for a bit, then he told me he'd hold still, and for me to start moving myself forward and backwards on his cock, thus I could practice taking his penis in and out of my bottom at my own pace for awhile, after doing this for a short while my other boyfriend arrived, he quickly got his cock out and held it to my lips so I could lick and suck it as I rocked back and forth on New Friend's penis. 

  After a short while they traded positions , repeating this several times, then the two of them talked and decided New Friend would ejaculate in my bottom, and Friend in my mouth, then New Friend injected some more oil in me, and got his penis back inside and started slowly thrusting into me, telling me to tell him if he was being to rough, luckly I was able to take him thrusting into me fairly forcefully prior to him starting to ejaculate, once he was ejaculating up inside me, that Moment was forever  branding into my mind as to be so joyful , and making me aware that the only role I'd ever would want is ; " performing like a girl, and getting impregnated with semen " 

                          " And to this day, this is 100% true "

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I would very much like to a appear much more feminine like person above, as well as I love riding cock like this, something I could never do with Edward.

My two boyfriends and I continued to have sex for next few weeks as described above, then one day at school a student yelled out in the hall way, which was filled with other students going to their next class.....

                                  " Michael likes to suck cock ",

Soon the rumor was spreading through school, I had friends coming up to me asking if it was true that I was sucking so and so's cock in the woods.

 

  Day after day it was like this, people whispering so I could hear, then laughing, saying stuff so I could hear.

  I had to tell my boyfriends I couldn't see them any more,

                              I wanted to quit school.

                           This was very traumatizing,

  Not only because I couldn't see my boyfriends any longer, but the going to school, being harassed about it, being called gay, constantly wondering if students were talking about me.

 Thus I isolated myself, just went and hung out with Edward whom I was so lucky to have as a friend and sexual partner , at least for performing fellatio on,... yet he would soon start mounting and impregnating me with his semen.

I was ready and very excited to see if Edward would mount and breed me;

                              " like a jenny donkey "

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I remember I was so nervous about trying to have Edward get his penis into my bottom , not because I felt that I couldn't accommodate his size and length, because I'd been practicing with my dildo and was routinely , daily  taking all two feet of it up inside my bottom .

  I was very fearful he wouldn't desire , be Attracted enough to me, to mount me, I so much loved him and very much wanted to be his life time sexual partner, even though I really liked performing sexually for my two boyfriends, yet due to the shaming at school I needed to just be with Edward .

  I'd already talked to the owner of the stables about buying Edward, and he told me if I cleaned the stables, fed him daily for next 2 months, Edward was mine and that I could pay for his boarding Edward there by continuing to clean the stables, with one catch as long as he could use Edward for breeding if someone requested to use him as a breeding " jack ". 

  Thus Edward was officially my donkey because it had been over three months now since our agreement.

-Edward finally breeds me-

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I was very, very worried about placing to much expectation on Edward, so I'd do as I normally id when I sucked and masturbated him, yet prior to it, I'd take my pants off and lean over wiggling my bottom about offering him my bottom. After doing this a week, and yet to have him mount me I made up a fake donkey tail, tried that with no success.

  Then I tried getting on my hands and knees under him then when just starting to suck him as I normally did, I turned so his penis rubbing my bottom, then guided it into me, as I pushed myself backward on to it, Edward took over from there, with a firm steady push, he shoved all 20 inches of his penis in me almost instantly I knew his penis was flared due to the intense pressure inside my abdomen and he began thrusting in and out ,then suddenly a sudden pull backwards, and big pop as his flare came out of my bottom, along with his semen running down inside my legs, then once the realization of what just happened, I began having the most unbelievable intense orgasm, all I could do was watch as lay there shaking with my limp penis  ejaculating. 

     This was the most Monumental moment of my life, in that whether I liked it or not, it was "Set " I would never want to be wanted by another,or want to be with another then Edward. 

 As the image below shows, that orgasm was caused me to shake for at least 5 minutes at least before I could stand up.

When I did get up, I stood leaning on the on the trunk of a large fallen tree, with Edward behind me, as I heard him approaching me, I turned just at the moment as he was coming down on my back, all I could do was brace myself as his weight pushed me forward, then I could feel the tip of his penis pushing hard into my bottom, his aim was good, because it soon popped in me and with one good thrust ,completely up in and flared, he then humped me for 30 seconds or so, and back off me, he would for the next 10 hours breed me 8 more times, till I was so sore and there was so blood coming from inside me. We very much over did it, yet I knew he liked breeding me.

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It wasn't the most Monumental moment of my life due to the orgasm, but rather it was as though my sexual role was set and I could only now want Edward, " my very Want was set" .

- It's was simply much easier just to be with Edward -

It wasn't that I was not still attracted to men, it is simply that I had to choose one or the other in order to be in monogamous relationship and after the school shaming event I could see that in my life time, it was very unlikely I could find a heterosexual man would take me as life-long partner.

And sexually I preferred being with Edward and it wasn't a crime in the state I lived in until 2001