Why have I always felt Female ?

And

Copulate only with males

"from the very first time I felt a boyfriend sliding his penis up inside my bottom, then squirmed about as he ejaculated up inside me, I knew I only wanted to be like a girl "

...........I have always felt that it was a type of birth defect, something different about my brain, say as in autism etc.

   Hopefully science will soon shed more light on why transsexualism / homosexuality occurs.

Excerpt from above;

      " Sex differences in (sub)cortical activation patterns in response to erotic stimuli have been established (Stoleru et al., 2012). We have already seen above that people with gender incongruence show differences in their connectivity profiles while watching erotic interactions (Ku et al., 2013). Brain activation patterns while viewing erotic videos in MtF (mixed with regard to sexual orientation) were found to be similar to control women "     (Gizewski et al., 2009).

Excerpt from above article ;

                                                        

" Transsexuality and Sex/Gender Dials "

How might this sex/gender as dials (not switches) perspective help us understand transsexuality? For one, we shouldn’t expect only one form of male-to-female or female-to-male transsexuality (Chivers & Bailey, 2000). For instance, there is accumulating evidence that some (but not all) male-to-female transsexuals show signs of their sex/gender dials being turned toward feminine psychological and physical traits before transitioning (Guillamon et al., 2016; Hare et al., 2009; Kreukels et al., 2016; Saraswat et al., 2015; Schöning et al., 2010; Steensma et al., 2013; Zucker et al., 2016; cf. Hoekzema et al., 2015).

But that doesn’t mean these male-to-female transsexuals have women-typical psychology, brains, and gene activation along every dimension (Veale et al., 2008), neither do non-transsexual cisgender women for that matter (Chekroud et al., 2016; Del Giudice et al., 2016; Gershoni & Pietrokovski, 2017; Ingalhalikar et al., 2014; Paus et al., 2017; Ritchie et al., 2017; Ruigrok et al., 2014; Savic et al., 2017; Trabzuni et al., 2013). Instead, it appears many male-to-female transsexuals have had some of their sex/gender dials (including in their brains; Kruijver et al., 2000; Mueller et al., 2016; Smith et al., 2015; Swaab & Garcia-Falgueras, 2009; Zucker et al., 2016) turned toward female-typical/feminine psychology, and which ones may be especially informative regarding the causal origins of their (and everyone’s) sexual expression. Female-to-male transsexuals also show signs of male-typicality before any transitional treatments, including physical differences in their brains (Kreukels et al., 2016) and builds, such as bone proportions and fat distribution (Bosinski et al., 1997). Reviewing all existing literature on pre-existing brain differences, Kreukels et al. (2016) concluded, "brain phenotypes for FtM and MtF seem to exist, and provided evidence for the role of prenatal organization of the brain in the development of gender incongruence" (p. 125). 

 

Second, the sex/gender as dials (not switches) view suggests one’s sexual identity might not be entirely “male” or “female” but very likely is something in between, depending on how one defines sexual identity. It suggests that, as many other cultures have done, modern societies need to make greater room for a wider, dial-based variety of sex/gender expressions.

A person may be a natal male but consider herself primarily a woman in terms of sexual identity, androgynous in gendered identity                                            (themselves)

(e.g., prefers some masculine interests/activities and some feminine interests/activities), gynephilic in sexual orientation (i.e., is a self-identified lesbian), polyamorous in mating orientation, and so forth. Her sex/gender dials may not be aligned in a cisgender manner, but her sex/gender expressions may be entirely consistent with the causal biological origins and developmental processes that give rise to sex/gender in all people. Even if they aren’t, however, that would not make her sexual rights illegitimate. It’s dangerous ground to have our sexual rights depend on our sexuality having a naturalistic origin (Diamond & Rosky, 2016).  

I very much consider my sexual identity as 100% female-roled and

 androgynous in gendered identity 

Ideally I like to dress as this on a warm day, in public.

Ideally I'd like to look as this when I undress for a boyfriend, as I very much want to look sexy for him, and have him see that I am 100% female sexually roled. (No Penis )

  Yet I've never had desire to pass as female, I've always felt like I'm male and female both psychologically, yet always female-roled sexually, thus having a penis is very much in conflict with my sexuality / orientation.

  If I had to chose, one or the other,,I'd very much chose being a female completely, as I always had/asked men to treat me like a female sexually , and have no desire / ability to be like a man is.."penetrative role"  , It is far to conflicting mentally for me to be like a man sexually .

Some studies have pinpointed characteristics of the transgender brain that fall in between what is typical for either sex.

The results may not have much effect on how gender dysphoria is diagnosed and treated, notes Baudewijntje Kreukels, who studies gender incongruence at VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam. “It’s really important that it will not be seen as, ‘When you see [gender dysphoria] in the brain, then it’s true.’” But the insights from such research could go a long way toward satisfying the desire of some transgender people to understand the roots of their condition, she adds. “In that way, it is good to find out if these differences between them and their sex assigned at birth are reflected by measures in the brain.”

In another study published in 2008, Swaab and a coauthor examined the postmortem volume of the INAH3 subnucleus, an area of the hypothalamus previously linked to sexual orientation. The researchers found that this region was about twice as big in cisgender men as in women, whether trans- or cisgender.4

  In essense it seems transsexual male to female people have brain structures very much more like "true females".

Which I would agree with, as all my life I've felt I should be a female,  and the feeling never goes away

I do know, not having a penis " fits " me, makes me feel / look like I should.

Like below study states it " Unshakeable conviction" of feeling female

Excerpt from above study;

    "Transsexuality is an individual's unshakable conviction of belonging to the opposite sex, resulting in a request for sex-reassignment surgery. We have shown previously that the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) is female in size and neuron number in male-to-female transsexual people."

Excerpt from above;

           " During the intrauterine period a testosterone surge masculinizes the fetal brain, whereas the absence of such a surge results in a feminine brain. As sexual differentiation of the brain takes place at a much later stage in development than sexual differentiation of the genitals, these two processes can be influenced independently of each other. Sex differences in cognition, gender identity (an individual’s perception of their own sexual identity), sexual orientation (heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality), and the risks of developing neuropsychiatric disorders are programmed into our brain during early development. There is no evidence that one’s postnatal social environment plays a crucial role in gender identity or sexual orientation. We discuss the relationships between structural and functional sex differences of various brain areas and the way they change along with any changes in the supply of sex hormones on the one hand and sex differences in behavior in health and disease on the other.

I need a t-shirts like these below

My "Role"